no pudding if don't eat tea

**shopshelleyd** · 07-10-2008, 07:42 PM

hi just wondered if anyone else feels like me? If the children, my own or mindees, don't eat most of their tea I don't give a pudding. Tonight one little boy who is 2 1/2 ate only a couple of mouthfuls of his tea (and it was something he has eaten before) and he knows full well the rule and I tried to encourage him to a have little more so he could have some icecream but he is really stubborn and wouldn't. He was upset of course when others did have something and I did feel a little mean but all the others were very quick to remind me he couldn't have pudding. Anyway when his dad came I explained (my rule is in my policies) but he just talked over me and i know full well he was probably going to go home and give him a big piece of cake or something. I find it so frustrating when they don't back you up.

**Twinkles** · 07-10-2008, 07:49 PM

Tricky one , I had this rule with my own children but something was said on a course ( in the dim and distant past) about not witholding food as a 'punishment'.
I won't give mine dessert if they don't eat all/most of their tea but they can have fruit.

**Rainy** · 07-10-2008, 07:59 PM

I have this rule and thankfully all my mindees parents agree with it. I used to have one little boy who played up every meal time and would just scream saying he only wanted the choc or crisps that were in his bag. His mum would give in to him and i think he actually became addicted to sugar because his packed lunch consisted of jam sandwich, bar of chocolate, cakes, biscuits, crisps and cartons of apple juice which were made up of 25% sugar. I remember one time when he hadn't eaten lunch,i offered him the apple juice and he actually shook while he was waiting for me to open it for him.

**balloon** · 07-10-2008, 08:05 PM

If my own don't eat their dinner they have no room for pud in my opinion.

My mindees are both under one so I cannot really say what I would do with them as it hasn't occurred yet ...

**Rubybubbles** · 07-10-2008, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by Twinkles

Tricky one , I had this rule with my own children but something was said on a course ( in the dim and distant past) about not witholding food as a 'punishment'.
I won't give mine dessert if they don't eat all/most of their tea but they can have fruit.

same for me

I only do lunch time and one mindie will only eat 2 bites (

this was a big step lol) and he will still get his yogurt and fruit (which he doesn't eat lol, another issue complety for me

)

It's such a shame when we try so hard then parents take them to the shop for sweets

makes us look the meenies

**CCJD** · 07-10-2008, 08:11 PM

The difficulty with this case, like you have described in your setting, is when the issue isnt really about food but more a battle of wills. Whe a child isnt not eating because he does not like it , but becuase he wants pudding instead, he wants the nice thing but without having to eat the dinner you have prepared.

I used to have a similarish problem with a young mindee who refused to say thank you. All the other children would gladly say thank you as I handed out the biscuits but this one just point blank refused. He was more than capable of saying it but was was very into battles of wills.

What becomes more unfair, I think, than withholding the treat from the one who does not want to co-operate, is that the others, who have all been angels and behaved beautifully, look on to see their efforts as a waste of time if the less co-opertive one then gets the treat anyway.

The old fashioned parent in me says that good behaviour gets rewarded and bad or uncooperative behaviour doesnt (although my son's school who reward behaviourally challenged children for sitting on the carpet for 5 minutes when all the other children manage half an hour without comment wouldnt agree with me - that's another thread altogether!)

In this pc mad world we would probably be frowned upon for depriving our mindees of pudding, so I think the previous suggestion of "if you dont eat xxx amount of your dinner you can chose a piece of healthy fruit for your pudding" is probably the best solution.

**shopshelleyd** · 07-10-2008, 08:12 PM

Glad to hear others feel the same as me. I have to say i did nearly give him a yogurt but felt like i was giving in .... Sometimes it is so hard to know what to do for the best.

**vix84** · 07-10-2008, 08:15 PM

Its a tricky one, now I have my own little boy I have been thinking about what I will do and how I want him to relate to food as both me and his dad like chocolate and weet things and dont want him to follow in our footsteps.

I think things like chocolate/cake/ice creme shouldnt be seen as rewards/treats as we instantly tell the children that these foods must be great as they are treats etc.
I think I would try to offer fruit mainly for deserts or a yoghurt etc. as these are healthy - so therefore if they dont eat all their main meals it doesnt matter so much as they will have a healthy desert too.
And when I give things like cakes etc. I wont make it seem any differnt from when I give them fruit - I wont say 'If your good you can have .... later' as this is seeing food as a reward - which is where problems start. I will just give it without refering to it as anything special etc.

Im actually hopefully going to end up with a boy who likes fruit etc. as much as chocolate etc. well that is the plan anyway!

One thing I would keep up is maybe, if they dont eat all their main meal, then there I would offer the usual snack - but maybe make sure it isnt too much so that they are hungry for their next meal.

Maybe you can produce a 'Balanced Diet' leaflet, and include what your policy regarding food is etc. to give to the parents?

**shopshelleyd** · 07-10-2008, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by CCJD

I used to have a similarish problem with a young mindee who refused to say thank you. All the other children would gladly say thank you as I handed out the biscuits but this one just point blank refused. He was more than capable of saying it but was was very into battles of wills.

What becomes more unfair, I think, than withholding the treat from the one who does not want to co-operate, is that the others, who have all been angels and behaved beautifully, look on to see their efforts as a waste of time if the less co-opertive one then gets the treat anyway.

.

Have the thank you problem with this one as well sometimes, he can do it perfectly well but when gets in that stubborn mood he won't look at me or speak. The thing is i would not let my own children get away with it and they know that, so it seems unfair for them to watch mummy let another child get away with it.

Back to the pudding issue i think i might have to let him have fruit or yogurt next time but it really does go against all my principles

**jellytot** · 07-10-2008, 08:43 PM

when i did eve meals mine had fruit for pudding every nite except fri when we had something sweet like cake or icecream

**sarah707** · 07-10-2008, 08:55 PM

This is a really tricky one.

I brought my children up that if they were too full for their main course (so long as I knew they liked it) then they didn't get anything more but could have fruit later. Of course mindees were treated the same when they were here. It was never a problem.

Now we are told things have changed and we are denying them their rights and abusing them if we don't give them pudding so... I've changed my pudding selection to healthy puds only. They all get offered pud but the choice is fruit or a milky pud like yoghurt or fromage frais.

Parents can give as much cake or sweets as they want ... I've found a compromise here that i'm happy with so it doesn't bother me.

**Bushpig** · 07-10-2008, 09:27 PM

My pud is always fruit/yoghurt.
The only time they have something sweet is when they have done baking.
I reckon they get enough sweets at home tbh, and am keen to ensure they get their 5 fruit/veg a day under my roof.

**miffy** · 07-10-2008, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by Twinkles

Tricky one , I had this rule with my own children but something was said on a course ( in the dim and distant past) about not witholding food as a 'punishment'.
I won't give mine dessert if they don't eat all/most of their tea but they can have fruit.

I do the same!

Miffy xx

son77 · 07-10-2008, 09:38 PM

Same here too, only offer fruit or yoghurts.

I cant withhold pudding from my own child but let mindee get away with it so I find this the best way for all concerned.

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 07-10-2008, 11:03 PM

I work the same as you - if dad wants to give him treats then let him. Stick to your guns and the DD will know.

When you get to holiday time and the other ones have ice cream - tell him he can have his after he has eaten his tea

**sarahstanbridge** · 13-10-2008, 08:03 PM

we have that rule in our house to. i dont think it would be fair on my own kids if the mindies got away with it. never had a problem really as i have explained this to the parents but i do know that some parents have given food to the children when they get them home. 1 mindie once told me "i dont care daddy will give me chocolate when i get home which is better that that rubbish yogurt you are all having". what they do when they get home is their business.....

**sarah707** · 13-10-2008, 08:23 PM

I had one today says... she's not going to eat our potato wedges because we don't allow her salt...

She's going to get dad to take her to the chip shop later instead because they put loads on there!

She's 5

**ChocolateChip** · 13-10-2008, 08:54 PM

It does make you mad, doesn't it, especially when all we are doing is trying to do the best for their child as well as our own.
I have a few at the mo, all different ages who hardly eat any fruit or veg, one especially I think is just trying it on as one day she will eat something and the next she won't- really disheartening especially when most of the food gets scraped into the bin!

It makes you wonder what they do eat at home, I try to always offer fruit in the pud, such as apple pie, banana split, fresh fruit and meringues, etc but some of them still won't touch it. Might end up going down the fresh fruit/yoghurt route, but it seems a shame for the ones who are good eaters and appreciate a bit of variety.

**Rubybubbles** · 13-10-2008, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by sarahnev707

I had one today says... she's not going to eat our potato wedges because we don't allow her salt...

She's going to get dad to take her to the chip shop later instead because they put loads on there!

She's 5

what!! my children have never had a chippy!!

let alone know what salt is!! they have the play salt in the kitchen

**devoncm** · 14-10-2008, 10:33 AM

We have the same rule and my parents agree with it, the lo i have after school at moment rarely eats tea unless it chicken nuggets or scampi and she only eats pigeon size portions eats no veg, other day i gave her roast chicken and roast potatoes, she told me she likes this, i left of the veg except for some parsnip which she took for potato, she sat there for 1 1/2 hours eating it

I did tell her to sit til she finished as she has eaten it before so know she will. she sat at table while everyone else had there piece of choc sponge-a treat that she likes. she did eat in the end and has said next time she will eat it while hot....im waiting to see that

WEhen they dont eat it i do tend to say 'have you tasted the chocolate inside it yet?' it does get them eating it and some say they did taste the chocolate in it.