came to sign contracts - then left!!!

**kindredspirits** · 13-09-2008, 10:24 AM

i had parents over this morning with their 2 children to sign contracts for me to have the baby 2 days a week... they'd already met me two weeks before and asked a million and one questions. we chatted for about 20 mins then they asked to see the paperwork, we went thru the contract and notes etc, all was fine. then he said 'anything you want to ask before we sign dear' and she asked me about my religious preferences as they are both devout christians. i told them i don't believe in a god as such but believe in angels guiding and protecting us. we chatted about that for about 30 mins, then she said ' can we go away and discuss it' she was really appologetic but said they needed to be 100% sure as its their child. i can totally understand but am a little bit disappointed, they might come back but i doubt it. seemed really happy as well, she said my portfolio was the best they'd seen by far and they could see how much i loved the children etc.

**angeldelight** · 13-09-2008, 10:41 AM

How very weird

We all have our own views about different things in life but it does not mean we let it affect the way we look after children
Your religious preferences are nothing to do with a parent anyway I feel and I would not have been happy to be talking about that for 30 mins

Weird

Not sure if it were me I would want them to come back to be honest

Angel xx

**Paula J** · 13-09-2008, 10:41 AM

Why dont you give them a call to re-assure them that while you dont follow a faith as such that you will repect and value theirs and that you will follow their wishes into special dates etc that they want following. Let them know you are behind them and understand they must put their child first but make sure they are aware that you to will put the childs interest first and as such repect their religious beliefs.

Paula

**Minstrel** · 13-09-2008, 10:43 AM

Very difficult subject!
I hope they do come back but at the very least they give you an answer one way or the other. It would be polite of them after all the time you have spent with them.
Good Luck

**kindredspirits** · 13-09-2008, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by angeldelight

How very weird

We all have our own views about different things in life but it does not mean we let it affect the way we look after children
Your religious preferences are nothing to do with a parent anyway I feel and I would not have been happy to be talking about that for 30 mins

Weird

Not sure if it were me I would want them to come back to be honest

Angel xx

you've made me feel better- myhubby has been going on since i told him that i shouldn't take her on and its none of their business etc. i guess its all new and i haven't had these sorts of questions from the two that havesigned contracts.
hey ho, i don't think they'll come back but it will do me a favour as part of me wants to take her on and the other partof me - the part that speaks with my husbands voice, doesn't!

**Saranotts** · 13-09-2008, 11:57 AM

Don't write them off yet. I've had it before where parents have said they will let me know in a few days and then its been a week before they have come back saying yes please. Some people like to have a good think about it and check all their options. Which I don't blame them as it is their most precious of treasures they are handing over.

I must say I wouldn't have liked to have been asked that question, as I find religion a difficult topic (parents are in a cult called c of e, which seems to take presidence over family) and may have made an innapropriate joke about only sacrificing goats at the weekend

So well done you for being open and honest.

Sara

(for all OFSTED out there, I believe everyone has a right to their beliefs and am willing and open to all)

**Heaven Scent** · 13-09-2008, 12:16 PM

It really is none of their business what you believe in so long as you rspect what they believe in - When the child goes to primary school they wont be able to react like this with the staff there.

We live in a secular society and unless they find someone from within their particular religious group who can childmind they won't ever be happy unless they come to terms with this.

I am a Catholic and I used to teach in an Orthodox Jewish school in London and whether the families liked it or not all the teachers in the school were from outside the Jewish community as they would not allow their girls to go to a main streem collerge to train and the boys were all encouraged to train in Hewbrew studies and become rabbi's but to comply with the laws of the land the children had to gain an english education and therefore all non religious education was provided by secular staff who were forbidden to pass comment negatively on the jewish faith or customs and we had to comply with their dress code. It all worked quite well.

**wellybelly** · 13-09-2008, 01:21 PM

I dont know how I would have handles this situation if it was me.

We are all entitiled to believe in what ever we want to. But I think if I was challeneged about my own beliefs in my own home by people I had only just met, I think I would have felt quite uncomfotable.

I respect everyones wishes and welcome anyone into my home regardless of culture, religion, race ect ect.

Each to their own at the end of the day

**Twinkles** · 13-09-2008, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by Katie

to. But I think if I was challeneged about my own beliefs in my own home by people I had only just met, I think I would have felt quite uncomfotable.

Perhaps I've read this wrong , if I have I apologise. But was she
'challenged' ? I thought she was just asked.

We are a Christian family and if I was looking for childcare I would prefer to send my child to people with similar views to my own.
However, this would have come up in the initial interview and not left to the contracts signing stage.

When I interview parents it is one of the first things I mention , so if there are any reservations they can voice them at that time and make their decision accordingly.
The reason I tell them is because I take the children to a toddler group which ends with a prayer , I have books around the house with Christian stories in and if , for example , asked by a child ' Where did Granny go when she died ? ' I would answer ' I believe she went to heaven .'

Having said that, I am respectful of freedom of choice and of others beliefs.
I have had other faith families who were happy for me to care for their children and we have celebrated their religious festivals with them.

**Jules12Wed** · 13-09-2008, 02:12 PM

I agree with Twinkles. I too am a Christian and I would mention this at the initial meeting stage. In my details obtained from the Family Information Service I state that I attend Church, teach in the Sunday School etc. I have found that many of the parents that have come to me have come because of this fact, especially if they too are a Christian family.

**ziggy** · 13-09-2008, 02:23 PM

I'm English living in a small village in Northern Ireland, the majority of families here are catholic, i'm not but it isnt a problem for the 2 families I mind for.

Maybe the parents are the sort that like to really think things through before making a decision. One of my parents needed 2 weeks before she was able to sign our contract, I only have the child 3 hours a week!!

hope things all work out for you
sandra

**Gherkin** · 13-09-2008, 03:02 PM

Personally I do not believe in religion per se but recognise that it helps some and on the other hand can hinder as well however I would certainly not expect my beliefs to hinder my minding ability.

I would have told the parents that it was none of their business and told them to shove off.

**wendywu** · 13-09-2008, 03:29 PM

Which they have!

If Ofsted can ask us if we drink or take drugs ( past thread ) i am sure parents can ask us if we follow a religion. Any set of parents who were informed it is none of your business would i suspect pick up thy bed and walk!

**kindredspirits** · 13-09-2008, 03:50 PM

sorry i didn't meann to start a debate. i personally didn't mind them asking as ican see their religion is important to them. i think they should have asked moreabout it during the first meeting insted of when they were coming to sign contracts.

as t happens dad left a message to say they'd like me to have her and i think i'll give them the benefit of the doubt despite dh telling me they'll be awkward parents.

**Twinkles** · 13-09-2008, 04:24 PM

Glad you got the work hun

Please don't apologise for starting a debate , exchange of views is a healthy thing.

**balloon** · 13-09-2008, 04:33 PM

Glad you got the work too.

**miffy** · 13-09-2008, 04:42 PM

Originally Posted by kindredspirits

sorry i didn't meann to start a debate. i personally didn't mind them asking as ican see their religion is important to them. i think they should have asked moreabout it during the first meeting insted of when they were coming to sign contracts.

as t happens dad left a message to say they'd like me to have her and i think i'll give them the benefit of the doubt despite dh telling me they'll be awkward parents.

I hope it works out for you

Good luck

Miffy xx

**sarah707** · 13-09-2008, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by Twinkles

Please don't apologise for starting a debate , exchange of views is a healthy thing.

Absolutely! I think this is an excellent debate.

Congratulations for getting the contract!

**Heaven Scent** · 13-09-2008, 05:14 PM

Great - I'm really pleased for you!!!

I didn't mean that you should tell them its none of their business - I just meant that it is none of their business - I would have told them if it was me - all I meant was it shouldn't make any difference so long as you are a good minder and if you are then you would respect their beliefs and they have to understand that.