Crying baby - urgent info needed

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 01:27 PM

Hi

I will try to eel this simple. Basically I have a 7 month old who started settling in before the school hols and did a week full time with trouble as she did not sleep and if she did it was when rocked and for only 20 mins twice a day, I asked her Mum to try getting her to settle herself and or be put down in a travel cot without waking up but this was not achieved over the hols. Now she is back I am having the problem where by I literally can not put her down without her crying and this of course has its problems as I have my own 22 month old and other children to watch - I have tried putting her on the floor, in a bumbo, in an activity centre, in her high chair but she pretty much screams the house down unless I walk her round on the floor (she is on her legs already). I have been totally honest with the parents and said I can not carry her or devote all my time to her as I have other children too, who are also hating the constant screaming and while they have been understanding they think introducing her slowly will break this but I am not convinced. I have suggested maybe leaving her to cry if here is no genuine reason for her scrams, perhaps in a pushchair where she can come to now harm but they are dead against that.

Does anyone have any advice, I am seriously going to be pulling my hair it, its sooo stressful - she is a nice baby and I do want to get through it but don’t know how many more days I can cope

I am really considering letting her go, my daughter has started becoming very grouchy too and has started lashing out when she is crying.

**Wendy Woo** · 05-09-2008, 01:33 PM

Blimey i would agree with ur idea of puttin her somewhere safe and let here scream it out! I have had this experience wen i worked in nursery and thank fully the parent was happy for me to do controlled leavin. basically i would put him on the floor with toys and let him scream and just kept goin back every 10 minutes or so to reassure that was still there and also showin him wot toys did. after couple of weeks he was a dream and the main screamin stopped after a feew days.

Other than that im not to sure-ur idea is the one that most peolpe would go for in my experience also. If parents not happy with this then they will ahve to look into a one on one carer as u r not able to do wot the child wants!!!!

**Mrs.L.C** · 05-09-2008, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by Wendy Woo

Blimey i would agree with ur idea of puttin her somewhere safe and let here scream it out! I have had this experience wen i worked in nursery and thank fully the parent was happy for me to do controlled leavin. basically i would put him on the floor with toys and let him scream and just kept goin back every 10 minutes or so to reassure that was still there and also showin him wot toys did. after couple of weeks he was a dream and the main screamin stopped after a feew days.

Other than that im not to sure-ur idea is the one that most peolpe would go for in my experience also. If parents not happy with this then they will ahve to look into a one on one carer as u r not able to do wot the child wants!!!!

[[/I]

I agree with the above. Controlled crying and reassuring or going out for a walk/tots groups/to another childminders house who you get on with etc to see if it helps

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 01:39 PM

Thanks for the advice, its really what I want to do and think it will be the most successful, I have had to do controlled crying with my daughter and while it was hard she did learn after only a few mins that I would not go back and get her up and I want this little one to realise that just because she screams I will not pick her up, its clearly what happens at home and I understand its all new and scary but I cant see how smaller periods will help - I do think they need to go with a minder that only wants 1 full timer or a nanny - I cant see it working, well not any time soon and I wont put myself or other children through it ;-)

**Wendy Woo** · 05-09-2008, 01:41 PM

Gotta be a difficult decision but i think u r makin the right one. If the paernts are not happy with controlled cryin then i think they need to find a one on one situation.

Hope u get it sorted soon, scremin babes are the worst!"!!!!!!!

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 01:43 PM

I think she will be better out and about but the same situation will only arrise when we get home, plus I dont go out every single day and when the weather is like this I dont even wanna get the kids in the car lol!

I think I will stick to my guns, controlled crying or out here

**Paula J** · 05-09-2008, 01:49 PM

I have an eight month old mindee and he is the same and he did my head in

I have tried everything and last week knowing he wasnt hungry, thirsty, dirty, to hot, to cold etc I put him in the cot upstairs and left him I quietly checked every few minutes to make sure he hadnt made himself sick or anything and after twenty minutes there was peace

Three times last week and twice this week we have had same performance but the periods of crying are getting to be a few minutes I think he is learning you have to do the same

Paula

**Wendy Woo** · 05-09-2008, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by kellyg

I think she will be better out and about but the same situation will only arrise when we get home, plus I dont go out every single day and when the weather is like this I dont even wanna get the kids in the car lol!

I think I will stick to my guns, controlled crying or out here

Go or it i think this is for the best.
]Kepp us posted with parents reactions and stuff x

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 01:55 PM

I will do - maybe another minder could cope but I cant LOL - not what I want day in day out

Thanks for your back up, makes me feel less bossy

**Gherkin** · 05-09-2008, 01:58 PM

I had a baby like this and I ended the contract. My house and my other mindees are far haapier and I am no longer tearing my hair out.

**Wendy Woo** · 05-09-2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by kellyg

I will do - maybe another minder could cope but I cant LOL - not what I want day in day out

Thanks for your back up, makes me feel less bossy

I dont think i woyuld be able to cope now especially with george. Nursery was a different environment and alot easier to walk away from if u needed to. Now i cant, im here all day with no one to take over so the lass screamers the betta x

**LittleStars** · 05-09-2008, 03:05 PM

I had the cutest baby...but he was like this and screamed all day unless he had 1 on 1 attention. Mum insistent that he wasn't left to cry, given a dummy etc

. Her mum (who lived with them) apparently used to spend all his waking hours amusing him at home) I managed for 3 months...was the longest 3 months of my life and the WHOLE family and my other mindees were really badly affected by it...she came to collect one day and I handed her a cheque for the months fees and the baby and said I'm sorry but I can't have him anymore....I just couldn't face another day with him..

That is the only time in a 10 year career that I have dropped someone in it so completely...with no notice or anything (Mum wasn't working btw)

You live and learn...hope you have a nice long probation period!!

**berkschick** · 05-09-2008, 03:21 PM

I took on a 7 month old baby in June, there are many posts about him on this forum! I only had him one day a week and he used to scream and scream.

I too was very honest with the parents and they gave me their full support to "leave him to it" when I was certain there was nothing wrong.

It took 3 months but he is now a lovely happy content little boy

**CCJD** · 05-09-2008, 03:22 PM

I htink the advice given above is spot on. Yes it would be lovely to be able to settle this baby, you feel as though you have a duty to her - but you also have a duty to the other children in your care and it's not fair on them if: they dont get a nearly equal share of your attention, if they are distressed by this child's constant crying and if they are getting cared for by a stressed childminder becuase then they dont get your best either.
Unfortunately it's not all about this baby - but about the others in your setting. I stuck with a very naughtly child once and deeply regret it in hindsight. I stuck with him becuase I thought it would be worse for him to be passed from pillar to post - I didnt consider enough the fact that he got 2/3 of my attention and the other two got to share the last 3rd.
Do what is right for you and the other chidlren in your care - if this can coincide with what is right for the baby then great - but if not then dont feel bad - you did your best - it is not failure on your part, this type of setting simply just isnt right for this child.
Good luck.

**Jules12Wed** · 05-09-2008, 04:05 PM

I agree with all that has been said. After all you have to think of the other children and it is not fair on them.

I took on a 14 month old in March and he just screamed it was terrible. The Dad used to drop him off and one day he ended up staying for an hour, he only lived down the road and worked from home, but as long as he was there then J would scream everytime he moved. I did feel terrible cos I thought they may think it was me. I eventually suggested I collect him from his house on the way back from school so it was at least a short sharp leave. I only have him one day a week and it took at least 4 months till eventually one day the day put him in the car and he didn't scream.

I have now had two weeks holiday and J was on holiday this week so I am now dreading next week in case he goes back to screaming cos I haven't seen him for 4 weeks!!

I just don't like letting the parents down and they were so nice about it but yours don't appear to be, rather than leaving it up to you if you think it would be best for both you and baby to leave crying being checked regularly. Hope it works out for you, but please don't feel a failure each child is different and maybe baby would be better of with a childminder that could give baby their undivided attention i.e. have no other children to care for.

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 04:15 PM

Thanks all - at least I kknow I am not the only one. I have one little boy who I thought was clingy but he was an angel in coomparrison and he got through it because I didnt pick him up all the time, he was far more laid back tho.

I also forgot to mention this baby is dropped of at 7, now, I am not the best morning person so this is not the best way to start the day - I have suggested that maybe a nursery would be batter, after all there are more people to assist and only children of that age range to deal with, not wee runs, lunch to prepare, activities to set up alone etc etc - they may be better of with this?

I shall keep you updated ;-)

**Trouble** · 05-09-2008, 05:48 PM

i know where your coming from i had a baby like this and it just didnt work for me, felt bad but i couldnt stand it another day.

good luck what ever you decide.

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 05:54 PM

Would it be totally unreasonable and as though I am not trying if I were to say I cant have her next week, bearing in mind this is her first full time week? My partner says so and I do feel bad as they will only have cover for next week as her grandad is staying but after that they will have no childcare and both work full time? She has also paid up until the end of Sept.

**Schnakes** · 05-09-2008, 06:59 PM

I have had a baby like this and terminated the contract. I think that his problems were that he was part time (2 days a week), his parents were of a nervous disposition which rubbed off on him, and his parents picked him up every time he made a squeak.

Honestly, by the end of the second day each week I was tense, had a raging headache, was being short with the other children - including my own. I realised that he required a level of care that I just couldnt provide over a two day period. If he was going to settle in properly he had to be there for longer.

It was really sad because when he was being given one on one attention he was lovely and he really did like me, and I got on like wildfire with his dad.

But like all the others have said - its got to be whats best for the majority.

Lastly - as for the parent telling you not to do this that or the other...I wouldnt even have asked!! Its my way or you find another childminder!!!

Sx

**kellyg** · 05-09-2008, 08:03 PM

I must admint I did consider doing that but just wonder if I ever go found out that I was leaving her to cry without the parents knowledge I may get in to trouble? I am going to ring her tomorrow (let her have an evening of without the worrie) and say that its either she cries or I cant have her - simple as. My daughter has been soooo grumpy today, pulling her hair, screaming, crying etc which is not like her, I am sure its because of this baby and my changing behaviour due to the stress