Settling problems & behaviour

[acorns]

I'm currently minding a 12month old in addition to my own 12month baby. This is my first minded child & he has been with me for 3 weeks. My own is a very happy baby, hardly cries & when she does it's for a good reason. On the other hand the one i'm minding cries & screams V Loudly at the drop of a hat & is refusing to eat very much at all. He has been better this week but today went back to being very demanding (IE wanting to be picked up all the time, screaming as soon as I went out of sight). I feel dissapointed that things are turning out this way. My own daughter follows him everywhere and he runs away from her and screams even louder if she gets too near. I feel very sorry for her as she tries to give him toys and he just doesn't want to know. Has anyone had any others that found it hard to settle & how long did it take for them to settle? What did you do to help them (I give him lots of time & attention but he still wants more & me exclusivley) It's sounds awful but I'm getting fed up with being screamed at all day (even my little one put's her hands over her ears & she hasn't learnt that from me!!)

[sarah707]

I have a little screamer... so do quite a few others on here.

I feel really sorry for you and your dd and know exactly how hard it is to be screamed at all day.

Only you can decide whether to carry on ... if you have a 4 week settling-in period in your contract, now is the time to be terminating if you can't see yourself continuing ... mine still does it and he's been here since last September. The difference for me is that my children are older and go to their rooms.

Sorry this is happening with your first one

[angeldelight]

Yeah I know the feeling

I mind 2 that are the same age and one is very very happy the other is a screamer and has been from the start

Depends on how much patience you have too and tablets for your head !!!

You sound like you are doing everything right here so dont worry it happens to us all at one stage or another

Its great that you are giving him lots of attention but do it little and often - he cant have his own way all the time and will have to get used to the fact that you cant give it all the time

Can you go in the garden - mine are always better outside or go for a walk and hope he drops off to sleep?

I know when we are doing things my screamer screams even louder for attention - I have to ignore him sometimes and continue with what I am doing - its not fair on the other kids is it otherwise
Sometimes he comes and joins in other times he continues to scream

You have to decide what is right for your and your family though and go from there

I had to let a 3 year old go earlier this year because he was a constant screamer so dont feel bad if you have to do the same

Good luck - keep us posted

Angel xxx

[miffy]

Three weeks isn't long for a child to settle but, if you are being screamed at all day it must seem like it's never going to stop!

At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you and your family and you shouldn't feel bad about terminating the contract if that's what you want to do.

Have you talked to the parents - is the child like this at home - maybe he's used to being carried round all the time (you'd be amazed what some parents do!) or do they have any suggestions for what calms him down?

Let us know how you get on

Miffy xx

[Pedagog]

Sounds like you are having a bit of a tough time with this little one at the moment. I'm sure it will get better, it must be very hard for him.

[Mrs.L.C]

I go out when a child is unsettled. The motion sometimes helps and lots more things to see outside. Tots groups may also help as your own child will prob be happy to go off an play with the others and you can concentrate on the other without your own feeling left out.

In the house you could try ignoring the screaming for short periods of time then giving a cuddle/sitting with them (not always picking up though) and then extending the time each time.
Patience is really needed to do the above and it can be heart breaking just leaving them to cry for 5 mins then longer as you extend the time but once the baby has settled and you can have cuddles without the crying first...it will be worth it. Unfortunately 12 months is that separation anxiety age but they don't understand whats happening so they forget so anyway you can
distract them with toys and by playing with your own child to show the other that its good fun should help in time.

Iv used this several times during my years in childcare and most of the time it works.

hope its helps

[Paula J]

I agree with Laura I use similar tacktics here and they do eventually learn that they get less attention crying and screaming all day. It can be really hard especially if they are loud but other children need your time and attention as well so he needs to learn now while you only have him and yours because if you take on another chiild he will be even worse.

Ask his parents if he has any form of comforter to calm him down when he is upset. I had a mum leave 'sqiggles' at home because she didnt want others playing with it expect little boy in question could not be consoled without the rabbit once we solved this we had much happier times
keep smiling count to 10 Paula

[katickles]

You have been given some great advice & si I have nothing to add really.

Just wanted to say that I hope you manage to sort something out. I know its hard when you have one that screams. One that I mind started like that, i sware my neighbours must have thought i was terrible earlier this year, all windows, french doors open etc because of the heat & not only was my mindee screaming he'd set off my own dd!!

I guess it might just be a case of lo getting used to you & your setting & of course your dd, maybe if this lo is an only child they haven't had much interaction with other children??

Good luck! x

[acorns]

Thanks so much for your replies. It does help to just get thing off your chest & to know that I'm not the only one. I do let Mum know what he has been like & she's really worried that i'll terminate the contract. I wont just yet as I do think it's early days for him (& I like his parents) as he has never been looked after by anyone other than his parents & I'm an optimist so I hope it'll get better. I do have a lot of patience but by the last day of having him it's wearing a bit thin! the other day he screamed/cried for 15mins not stop while I was busy with my dd & getting dinner ready, when he realised it wasn't working he just went off to play!! Parents did seem horrified that I had let him cry for that time & they do go to him as soon as he cries so it's no surprise he is the way he is when he's not the only child about. (I also have an older son 8) Where it's been so hot i've had all the windows & doors open and I'm sure the neighbours will be reporting me to ofsted as they probably wonder what I'm doing to him. Still i've only got him next week for 3 days then we're off to sunny Wales for two weeks of r&r. The probably back to more screaming as he wont have seen me for a while............

[EllieF]

I have had a few screamers over the years, and it is really hard work, so you have my sympathy.
If there is nothing wrong, hen leaving them to it is a good idea as they eventually realise that there is no point and stop like your little one did yesterday.
Sounds like the parents are not helping the problem, but he will realise that it doesn't work when he is with you and his behaviour will change for the better
In the meantime good luck, and enjoy your holiday
Ellie

[madasahatter]

Has anyone else found that the onset of longer maternity leave has meant that children start attending from about 9 months onwards and that it has affected how long it takes for children to settle? I may be mistaken but isn't the 9 to 12 month stage one of those where children often suffer more from seperation anxiety. I don't know if it's just me but when babies started at 5 to 6 months old they always seemed to settle quite quickly. Recently (over the last 2 years) all my new starters have been nearer to 1 year old (teachers taking extended maternity leave) and they have taken much longer to settle. Thankfully only one of those was a screamer (took 3 weeks), but another shied away from any contact, wouldn't play, and barely responded to anything for over a month ....now that was worrying (they did eat and sleep ok though). Thankfully she eventually came round and turned into a normal 1 yr old

[Mrs.L.C]

Has anyone else found that the onset of longer maternity leave has meant that children start attending from about 9 months onwards and that it has affected how long it takes for children to settle? I may be mistaken but isn't the 9 to 12 month stage one of those where children often suffer more from seperation anxiety. I don't know if it's just me but when babies started at 5 to 6 months old they always seemed to settle quite quickly. Recently (over the last 2 years) all my new starters have been nearer to 1 year old (teachers taking extended maternity leave) and they have taken much longer to settle. Thankfully only one of those was a screamer (took 3 weeks), but another shied away from any contact, wouldn't play, and barely responded to anything for over a month ....now that was worrying (they did eat and sleep ok though). Thankfully she eventually came round and turned into a normal 1 yr old

I totaly agree. Its nice for parents to spend more time with their little ones but its does mean they are at thet seperation anxiety age when they start