Driving me bonkers

[redtiger21]

Oh dear, my little full time mindee (aged 4) is presenting us with life's challenges! By us, I mean her mummy and me! I've posted on here before about certain preferences she has around having no bumps in socks, the peak of her cap dead centre, cuffs turned up exactly equal amounts, only very tight snug clothing etc etc. This combined with quite a resistance to self-help, a dislike for feeling out of control, and the ability to either sulk and refuse to join in any fun, impacting the atmosphere of our very small setting, or proper belting tantrums, is making my life pretty unbearable, I'm sorry to say! Over the last few days, her cause for anxiety has been not feeling fully dry "down below" after using the loo and wiping. She has been wiping herself very competently for almost a year now (although refused to at home, but that's not a physical issue, we all know kids are different at home), but is now spending ages and ages in the toilet, using reams of loo roll, which is going to block my already rather rubbish system, and is working out expensive, as we are literally getting through so much, and all of what she puts in the loo is dry...because she is dry too! Chatted to mum, it's the same at home, but mum says there's no sign of soreness/irritation/infection- we feel this is simply a new source of anxiety for her, another sensory issue. This is such hard work Feel ready to give up!!

[chris goodyear]

It all sounds horrendous poor little thing (and you and mum). Has mum raised any concerns with the H.V. or any other body? It seems a bit over the top to be just normal childhood anxiety. There must be someone who can advise on different techniques to try to help this child. Does mum say if she has been like this since a very young child? Just thinking in a year or sooner she will be starting school and that brings its own anxious moments so best get this sorted before she starts. It sounds to me a bit of OCD which we all have but hers has got out of control?

[Evie125]

I agree with Chris that mum should have a chat with her health visitor, it does sound like this little girl is 'over thinking' things and is probably feeling quite unsettled/ distresses. With regards to the toilet paper issue; perhaps you could try a new toilet tissue- some have patterns on so look different- tell her it is 'special tissue' that dries super well so she only needs a little bit ( and show her how much)- I've never dealt with this particular problem so can't guarantee it will work but children are usually willing to give things a try if they think they have something 'special' x

[Mouse]

Poor little thing. No 4 year old should be suffering that much anxiety and mum really needs to be doing something about it.

If she hasn't already, I would see the doctor or health visitor and ask for a referral to the mental health team.

Having seen the affect anxiety can have on a child in later years I would want to get the child help as soon as possible.

You also have my sympathy. I do know how completely draining it is to deal with an overly anxious child. With the toilet issue I like Evie's idea of buying some "extra dry" toilet roll. I would also try limiting the amount she has access to, perhaps removing the roll and just giving her a couple of pieces when she goes. It is really tricky though as you don't want to do anything that might cause her even more anxiety.

In the meantime you could try reading up on anxiety in children. I think having an understanding of why they do certain things does make it a bit easier for us to accept their behaviour as being out of their control.

[smurfette]

Hia
Just wanted to say that a lot of what you describe sounds like my middle daughter who has a highly sensitive personality (there is a kindle book on Amazon called the highly sensitive child which is very good it's a personality type and they feel things more than other people , my dd has the clothes issue too and we did have the dry down below one too, drove me mad! She has been diagnosed recently with OCD so I would be advising mum to talk to hv.. All very hard to deal with so lots of sympathy for you!

[redtiger21]

Thank you everyone. Poor mum arrived today, having spent 45 minutes changing LO's clothes because they're not quite right- they went through six pairs of knickers, 2 pairs of shorts and three pairs of leggings because of bumps/tightness/looseness/general dislike today. LO has always had very firm ideas about what she will and will not wear, and has generally felt a need to control her surroundings too (I have to add, she is a nice child with very good regard for rules and is very clever for her age). I'll recommend to mum that she chats to a doc or hv, although they leave for Spain for a fortnight Friday, then she starts full time school when they get home, and mum works full time so may be tricky for them. I think part of the reason this hasn't been looked into further already is that mum just doesn't have time, and to be honest, LO has always spent most of her waking hours in childcare, so parents have always sort of just done whatever they've needed to do to get through the evenings and weekends with minimal fuss.
Thank you for the input, I'll see what I can do

[moggy]

Definitely look into the Highly Sensitive Child book.
Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?
This might help too.