Bad morning! Advice appreciated

**natlou82** · 09-04-2015, 10:20 AM

I look after a 2.5 yr old and have done since last July he only comes once a week. I find his moods very up and down we've had plenty of good happy days, but every so often we have a really bad day and his separation from his parents causes him to be quite distressed. Today is one of those days! He is so used to one to one devoted care that if I dare to challenge him he has a full blown tantrum, I get the impression he gets everything he wants at home so if I say no all hell breaks loose. Advice needed -Help x

**lollipop kid** · 09-04-2015, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by natlou82

I look after a 2.5 yr old and have done since last July he only comes once a week. I find his moods very up and down we've had plenty of good happy days, but every so often we have a really bad day and his separation from his parents causes him to be quite distressed. Today is one of those days! He is so used to one to one devoted care that if I dare to challenge him he has a full blown tantrum, I get the impression he gets everything he wants at home so if I say no all hell breaks loose. Advice needed -Help x

My way of dealing with tantrums is to look out for the triggers and try to use prevention rather than cure. I also look out for the telling signs that a tantrum is about to happen - such as a bottom lip coming out (as one of my old mindees used to do). When I see the tell, I find that just going over to the child and saying "would you like a cuddle?" stops the tantrum before it has a chance to start. Then I distract and get all of the children doing a different activity such as - let's go outside and water the plants etc. (Sometimes the emotion is so strong they just don't know how to deal with it, so I find that a cuddle works wonders in my setting.)

Good luck! My technique works for me, but I'm sure the other childminders on here will have other suggestions.

(Oh, and do something nice for yourself as a reward - such as buy in extra chocolate, or a nice cake to go with a cup of well-earned tea!)

L

**natlou82** · 09-04-2015, 10:47 AM

The trigger is always when he is not getting his own way. It's very difficult, I had this LO yesterday (2 days is rare) and I put his dinner - pasta in front of him (apparently loves pasta, and ate it here several times before) and he refused to eat it (this is happening frequently) and when I bought it up with Dad he wasn't concerned and said he could have a chocolate bunny at home. I think he gets his own way all of the time at home. Today I just gave him a different cup (I couldn't find the usual one) and that triggered it. A cuddle does eventually calm him but I'm also trying to teach him that he can't always have his own way all the time when he's here.

**lollipop kid** · 09-04-2015, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by natlou82

The trigger is always when he is not getting his own way. It's very difficult, I had this LO yesterday (2 days is rare) and I put his dinner - pasta in front of him (apparently loves pasta, and ate it here several times before) and he refused to eat it (this is happening frequently) and when I bought it up with Dad he wasn't concerned and said he could have a chocolate bunny at home. I think he gets his own way all of the time at home. Today I just gave him a different cup (I couldn't find the usual one) and that triggered it. A cuddle does eventually calm him but I'm also trying to teach him that he can't always have his own way all the time when he's here.

Sounds like you have to get parents on-side with your house rules so that you can get some consistency between what happens at your setting and what happens at home. Another idea might be to introduce a rewards chart at home and at the setting, particularly for sharing and mealtimes. Finally, I know here that my mindees have cups and plates that are 'theirs' while at the setting, so I always make sure that I've got a ready supply of these each morning when I'm setting everything out for the day. If a child can't have their cup or plate for whatever reason, I just warn them in advance (they're about the same age as you're little one), and tell them it's OK for them to have x cup today, and ask them if that's OK with them? (I'm always trying to encourage their independence and give them a say in what we do.) Thankfully, my lot usually say, yes, that's OK and carry on happily.

Sending you a big hug.

L

**natlou82** · 09-04-2015, 06:31 PM

Thanks lollipop :-) once it blew over we had a much better and happier day. I have also spoke to both parents to ensure we are consistent in our approaches and I feel much better :-)

**loocyloo** · 09-04-2015, 06:58 PM

glad your day improved.

I swap round plates/cups/places at the table etc so no one can lay claim to anything! I have 8 EY children that come a variety of days in the week, plus schoolies, and it would be a nightmare to work out logistics! everyone has their own placemat that they designed, and so their cup for the day is put on their placemat. I have a LO who loves having the hello kitty set, but she only has it sometimes ( usually when dd is helping! ) as everything else is ikea! ( hello kitty set was DDs when she was younger ) she is usually stroppy the next day after having it, if not given it, but does know ( at 4 ) that having a strop is not the way to get anything from me!

**natlou82** · 09-04-2015, 07:09 PM

Tbh it was his personal cup from home I had already taken it out of his bag, forgot I'd done that, looked in his bag assumed his mum hadn't sent it, got him a cup the same as all of the other children and he wasn't happy. Luckily I found his cup then but it was too late lol! I'm just like you my mindees all have homemade placemats but no specific cups, plates etc so never normally an issue. This LO is quite precious over his cup which is why mum sends it.