Child swearing - how do you deal with it?

**Mouse** · 09-04-2015, 09:50 AM

How do you deal with a child swearing?

I've had it before where a child's come out with a swear word, but doesn't really know what they're saying, or have obviously heard parents say it. This child though uses swear words in their every day language. It's almost like a family dialect!

My usual approach has been to ignore any swear words and not make a big thing about it, but it's different with this child as he swears so much and some of the other children are picking up on it and questioning why he's using naughty words - the child in question doesn't know there's anything wrong with his language as it's what he used to hearing.

I have mentioned it to mum, but I don't really know what I expect her to do. The family is made up of older siblings and extended family and they are not the sort to worry about they say. To be honest, it is the milder words lo comes out with, so I suppose it could be worse.

I'm really not sure what to do. I don't want a setting where a child swears and isn't challenged on it, but if I say there are certain words he can't use when he's here is it going to confuse him when it's the language he hears at home?

**FussyElmo** · 09-04-2015, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by Mouse

How do you deal with a child swearing?

I've had it before where a child's come out with a swear word, but doesn't really know what they're saying, or have obviously heard parents say it. This child though uses swear words in their every day language. It's almost like a family dialect!

My usual approach has been to ignore any swear words and not make a big thing about it, but it's different with this child as he swears so much and some of the other children are picking up on it and questioning why he's using naughty words - the child in question doesn't know there's anything wrong with his language as it's what he used to hearing.

I have mentioned it to mum, but I don't really know what I expect her to do. The family is made up of older siblings and extended family and they are not the sort to worry about they say. To be honest, it is the milder words lo comes out with, so I suppose it could be worse.

I'm really not sure what to do. I don't want a setting where a child swears and isn't challenged on it, but if I say there are certain words he can't use when he's here is it going to confuse him when it's the language he hears at home?

How old? I do find that older children learn what words they can use at different places.

**Mouse** · 09-04-2015, 11:39 AM

He's 3.

I'm struggling because he doesn't know there's anything wrong with the words he's using and I don't know that I should be the one telling him that the way his family speaks is wrong. It's like I'm criticising his home language!

Some of the other children have started telling him he's naughty for using rude words and he hasn't got a clue what they mean. He's getting upset that they tell him he's naughty when he doesn't know why.

I'm trying to model good language, so if I drop something I'll make a point of saying "oops! silly me", so he hears an alternative to his usual swear word. Other than that I don't really know what to do.

**FussyElmo** · 09-04-2015, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

He's 3.

I'm struggling because he doesn't know there's anything wrong with the words he's using and I don't know that I should be the one telling him that the way his family speaks is wrong. It's like I'm criticising his home language!

Some of the other children have started telling him he's naughty for using rude words and he hasn't got a clue what they mean. He's getting upset that they tell him he's naughty when he doesn't know why.

I'm trying to model good language, so if I drop something I'll make a point of saying "oops! silly me", so he hears an alternative to his usual swear word. Other than that I don't really know what to do.

Mine was 4 so a bit older. I never said the word was wrong just that we didn't use those words at Fussys. I also offered an alternative for him to say. I think we had Oh socks etc and the other children would correct them too.

I did speak to the mum and tell her. I just said that ofsted would seriously pull me up if I allowed swearing. I also pointed out that the lo would be trouble at school when they started. She supported me didn't really stop her language but did start telling the child that they were adult words and Mum was wrong to use them

**FussyElmo** · 09-04-2015, 12:21 PM

I also found that the children liked oh fiddlesticks/ fiddlefaddle etc

**Maza** · 09-04-2015, 01:06 PM

Just be honest with him and say "that is a naughty word and we should try not to use it". I would pick him up on it every time he says it to be honest. There are swear words which I use - but I know when and where it is NOT okay to use them. How will he know if you don't tell him? It's a rule we all live by if we want to get along in society. I would also tell him that the other children do not mean that 'he' is naughty, just that the word is naughty. Maybe you will have to take it back to basics and if he manages to say a sentence to you without using that word then praise him. If he then manages to go a whole 5 minutes/the whole of lunch time etc. Think of it as being cruel to be kind - he will get into trouble if he uses it at school.

Now, please don't shoot me down but I wouldn't encourage the phrase "oops, silly me" either. A friend of mine did some assertiveness training/confidence building and was advised against using phrases like that. You are not silly if you drop something and if you are calling yourself silly then it might give other people licence to do it or think the same about you. Maybe "oops a daisy" or something similar. x

**k1rstie** · 09-04-2015, 01:14 PM

I agree with Maza. I had a lo who referred to one grandmother by a pet name and the other as 'silly grandma', she always looked puzzled when I asked her about the name. She said it was because she was 'silly' . I didn't think it showed much respect or worth for the grandma

**Mouse** · 09-04-2015, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Maza

Now, please don't shoot me down but I wouldn't encourage the phrase "oops, silly me" either. A friend of mine did some assertiveness training/confidence building and was advised against using phrases like that. You are not silly if you drop something and if you are calling yourself silly then it might give other people licence to do it or think the same about you. Maybe "oops a daisy" or something similar. x

Interestingly, at my last Ofsted inspection it was one of the things the inspector praised me for! I'd got the child's name wrong and said "oh, silly me". It was in my report that the way I spoke to the children showed them it was OK to get things wrong and would help build their confidence. But I can see how it might have a negative impact if someone was struggling with assertiveness or confidence - lucky not something I tend to lack

**Mouse** · 09-04-2015, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by Maza

Just be honest with him and say "that is a naughty word and we should try not to use it". I would pick him up on it every time he says it to be honest. There are swear words which I use - but I know when and where it is NOT okay to use them. How will he know if you don't tell him? It's a rule we all live by if we want to get along in society. I would also tell him that the other children do not mean that 'he' is naughty, just that the word is naughty. Maybe you will have to take it back to basics and if he manages to say a sentence to you without using that word then praise him. If he then manages to go a whole 5 minutes/the whole of lunch time etc. Think of it as being cruel to be kind - he will get into trouble if he uses it at school.

x

I guess it's better to deal with it now while he's younger than leave it until he starts school when it's going to be even more of an issue than it is here.

I'll speak to his mum tomorrow and put a plan in place with her agreement. I know she would rather he didn't swear, but feels she's banging her head against a brick wall when she's battling the whole family. I know the family quite well and can imagine how it would go down if she told them not to swear around lo - they'd probably do it even more just to wind her up

When lo was first born she was determined to make a difference with him, but I think it's just been too hard for her to do when faced with the rest of the family. Such a shame for her & lo.

**Maza** · 09-04-2015, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

I guess it's better to deal with it now while he's younger than leave it until he starts school when it's going to be even more of an issue than it is here.

I'll speak to his mum tomorrow and put a plan in place with her agreement. I know she would rather he didn't swear, but feels she's banging her head against a brick wall when she's battling the whole family. I know the family quite well and can imagine how it would go down if she told them not to swear around lo - they'd probably do it even more just to wind her up

When lo was first born she was determined to make a difference with him, but I think it's just been too hard for her to do when faced with the rest of the family. Such a shame for her & lo.

She's very lucky to have you to back her up and support her. x

**Maza** · 09-04-2015, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by k1rstie

I agree with Maza. I had a lo who referred to one grandmother by a pet name and the other as 'silly grandma', she always looked puzzled when I asked her about the name. She said it was because she was 'silly' . I didn't think it showed much respect or worth for the grandma

How awful!

**FussyElmo** · 09-04-2015, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

I guess it's better to deal with it now while he's younger than leave it until he starts school when it's going to be even more of an issue than it is here.

I'll speak to his mum tomorrow and put a plan in place with her agreement. I know she would rather he didn't swear, but feels she's banging her head against a brick wall when she's battling the whole family. I know the family quite well and can imagine how it would go down if she told them not to swear around lo - they'd probably do it even more just to wind her up

When lo was first born she was determined to make a difference with him, but I think it's just been too hard for her to do when faced with the rest of the family. Such a shame for her & lo.

If the child learns not to swear it may be the start of the change in the family