Need help giving advice to my friend

[Tealady]

Spent a lovely afternoon with a friend and her nearly two year old yesterday. She was saying how her son is getting into his terrible twos. He's had a couple of tantrums which she can handle but he is hitting. However I saw him in action and the hitting isn't in anger or frustration, but it seems to be away of greeting, or gaining attention/ a reaction off the child in question.

There was a little girl sat on the slope. He was sat near. He toddled over and watched her and then, Bop, hit her on the top of the head. She got up and walked off, not upset or hurt and the he just looked a bit lost. Mum explained to him that hitting isn't nice and not allowed in a firm voice.

However she has just emailed me for advise, as apparently he did it again today and the child's mother "made quite a big deal about an incident, and I got really upset".

I am going to suggest her shadowing and him so she can intervene before he strikes. Also as she is by his side encouraging him to say "hello" and give a little wave. If he does hit then what? Time out? he isn't 2 until the end of Sept.

She is very upset and concerned so I want to give her good advice and I know a lot of you have more experience than me

[mama2three]

It should be fairly short lived - he will soon realise that this 'greeting' isn't getting the results he wants and the other children aren't interacting with him but walking away. Shadowing is exhausting but the only way really , when he approaches a child 'say hello nicely' etc etc and be close enough to grab his arm if he goes to hit. lots of praise for 'gentle hands' etc too. Ive got a mindee whose a similar age , though his hitting isn't a greeting - me and mum are both on board but its taking time and an awful lots of energy making sure he doesn't hurt anyone! And if he does push or hit he is removed from the situation and sat down away from the others ...getting there slowly! Good luck to your friend!

[sarah707]

She needs to shadow the child and watch everything he does ... spot his triggers and stop him and catch his arm and support him to acknowledge appropriately ... hopefully the phase won't last long x

[gwm]

And, tell your friend not to allow other adults negative reactions to affect her.....(easier said than done!) There are a lot of people out there who seem to have no knowledge about children's development and get very protective and defensive about their own little darlings. But, he is learning and he will get there with consistant encouragement to 'play nicely/gently'. It takes a village to rear a child.