9 monh old constant crying

[specks4]

Hi all im looking after a 9 month old and she constantly cries unless you pick her up. I cant do anything with the other children or do anything like make breakfast or lunch unless I put her down to just scream. Any ideas please, ive had her for 2 weeks now.

[clareelizabeth1]

I think this happens to all of us. I personally used a sling until lo got used to me and then sat on the floor with them to play. I also work on the theory that the child needs to learn to trust you and that you won't just wander off and leave them all alone. So until they are confident I pick them up if I'm going to move more than 2 meters away from them. I've found doing this normally gets them happily settled in a month.

[AliceK]

I feel your pain
I have a nearly 12 mth old who I've had since Sept when he was 10mths, he is the same. He gets really angry and screams and crys (no tears) if he hasn't got constant 1 to 1 attention and then if I pick him up magically he stops immediately. I have tried everything and come this close to terminating the contract. So far I haven't but it's so very difficult and draining.

xxxxx

[specks4]

Alice that's the same with this girl really angry screaming and crying but again no tears and then I pick her up and surprise surprise she is happy. It's really hard as effecting the other children aswell. I understand it's all new but even if she is right next to me and I'm talking to her she still cries until she is picked up. Even playing with her on the floor she will crawl to me and sit on my lap. Hopefully once she settles properly as this week is her first proper week as mum went back to work yesterday. I will keep at it and hopefully she will feel more settled.

[dawn100]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way or that I sound uncaring, I have found that some children need to be 'trained' that crying doesn't always get what they want, I have settled a few children around the age of 9 months when I walk out of the room or away to do something when I come back in I do not pick the screaming child up but will sit on the floor next to them and then over time further away from them and then if they want comfort they can come to me and I don't acknowledge they are crying this does take time and isnt instant but I have found this has worked for me. I avoid picking them up as much as possible because I do have other things I have to do and they need to learn to be a bit independent. Obviously if they are crying for a reason other than just wanting to be picked up I do comfort them!

[emma04]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way or that I sound uncaring, I have found that some children need to be 'trained' that crying doesn't always get what they want, I have settled a few children around the age of 9 months when I walk out of the room or away to do something when I come back in I do not pick the screaming child up but will sit on the floor next to them and then over time further away from them and then if they want comfort they can come to me and I don't acknowledge they are crying this does take time and isnt instant but I have found this has worked for me. I avoid picking them up as much as possible because I do have other things I have to do and they need to learn to be a bit independent. Obviously if they are crying for a reason other than just wanting to be picked up I do comfort them!

Always found a harsh tactic, but it has worked for me on a few occasions. Requires a thick skin at times but it's worth it in the end, not only for the childminder, but for the child and their family in most cases, as more often than not, it breaks a habit! Parents are often relieved in the end!

[emma04]

Always found a harsh tactic, but it has worked for me on a few occasions. Requires a thick skin at times but it's worth it in the end, not only for the childminder, but for the child and their family in most cases, as more often than not, it breaks a habit! Parents are often relieved in the end!

Sorry meant to say **sounds

[bernesewalking]

I have the same problem, little girl started with me beginning of August and she still screams the place down if she dosent get picked up, she won't entertain herself will walk around clinging to me with one hand, screams if any child comes near, yesterday was awfull, if it wasn't for her lovely parents I would have terminated by now, she does the same at home and will scream if mum and dad have a cuddle, both mum and myself are working together by ignoring her, trouble is dad and granny will pick her up which then counteracts our hard work.

[yummyripples]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way or that I sound uncaring, I have found that some children need to be 'trained' that crying doesn't always get what they want, I have settled a few children around the age of 9 months when I walk out of the room or away to do something when I come back in I do not pick the screaming child up but will sit on the floor next to them and then over time further away from them and then if they want comfort they can come to me and I don't acknowledge they are crying this does take time and isnt instant but I have found this has worked for me. I avoid picking them up as much as possible because I do have other things I have to do and they need to learn to be a bit independent. Obviously if they are crying for a reason other than just wanting to be picked up I do comfort them!

It's lovely to hear other people say this. I was recently made to feel really bad because I adopted this tactic. Mum slated me for it and said I can't handle having babies only toddlers upwards

[dawn100]

My most recent mindee's mum thinks I'm Wonder Woman for getting her lo to be more independent, they can now walk out of the room to pop to the loo without them screaming the house down. I do point out to new parents with clingy babies that I have multiple children to care for so can't carry their child around all day but will help them learn to become independent and if that doesn't fit with what they want maybe they should consider a nanny who can offer 1-1 care.

[yummyripples]

This is what I told the mum but it made no difference. I was still rubbish with babies, I didn't want to do the job anymore, I had too much on my plate, all babies are like this etc etc.
I really felt like giving up because I started to believe what she was saying (not good).
Thankfully they left and I am back loving my job. I still have a whinger but mum works with me rather than against me!

[Simona]

It is worth looking at 'separation anxiety' when referring to clingy babies

Separation anxiety | NCT

[specks4]

Am trying not to pick her up and she will crawl to wherever I am and hold my legs screaming really loud. I will keep at it not picking her up, hopefully won't take too long to change this habit.

Thank you for replys

[Simona]

Am trying not to pick her up and she will crawl to wherever I am and hold my legs screaming really loud. I will keep at it not picking her up, hopefully won't take too long to change this habit.

Thank you for replys

That is typical 9-10 months behaviour...yes the child is clingy and yes the child has separation anxiety not just by being separated from her mum but from the main care like you

When left without picking up they get into hysterics and look inconsolable...at the same time picking them up all the time means we cannot carry on with certain tasks and give other children our attention.....it is a phase and it will pass..but it is a very tricky one too.

Discuss with the parents because if they are holding the baby all the time while you are trying to resist it the baby will be very confused indeed.
Look at a child development chart and share with parents too

[ziggy]

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way or that I sound uncaring, I have found that some children need to be 'trained' that crying doesn't always get what they want, I have settled a few children around the age of 9 months when I walk out of the room or away to do something when I come back in I do not pick the screaming child up but will sit on the floor next to them and then over time further away from them and then if they want comfort they can come to me and I don't acknowledge they are crying this does take time and isnt instant but I have found this has worked for me. I avoid picking them up as much as possible because I do have other things I have to do and they need to learn to be a bit independent. Obviously if they are crying for a reason other than just wanting to be picked up I do comfort them!

I quite agree, i'm doing the same with baby during his settling in sessions. As mentioned he is still breast fed on demand and mummy never seems to put him down, so i'm being 'cruel to be kind'. I sit next to him in play room then when others need to eat or go toilet etc, I sit him in buggy near me or in high chair. I have purposefully not picked him up. His mummy knows this and is happy about it.