Own DS lack of friends at school

**tori4** · 03-09-2013, 04:06 PM

Not sure if this is the right section but I have a personal question I'm hoping with everyone's experience you will be able to help.

My DS 8yrs old just started yr4 his best friend moved sch at the end of last term, he is now by all means friendless :-(

He is not a footballer at all like the 6 other boys in his class. he has one other close friend a girl and has similar interests with most of the girls more so.. I am not adverse to mix sex friendships but worry its not cool for him or for that matter the girls and therefore no strong friendships are made.

He spends most play times by himself :-( which really worrys me ... Even the new boy he was paired off with this morning left him to go and play with the other boys :-(

This is not a new thing has been the same since he started sch most lunchtimes he spends by himself :-(

He has gr8 circle of friends outside of sch with neighbours n out of sch clubs etc.

I not think there is any bullying although this is why his last two friends ended up leaving:-( feel daft going to teachers but what can I do from home ???

He is a really sociable boy always makes new friends at the park etc, plays lovely with CM children but much rather a book or lego to football or computer games.

He pervious teachers say he is 'a lovely boy' 'well behaved etc etc and 'works' with everyone in class.

Actually just remember he is the only boy on his new table!

Finally when I ask him if he was ok at playtime he say 'yer' but not with much conviction :-(

Any advice would be much appreciated or pls tell me to stop worrying

Thanks in advance xT

**scottishlass** · 03-09-2013, 04:24 PM

Don't really have any advise tbh but if I were you I would even have a quiet chat with the teacher so they can keep an eye on him xx

**sarah707** · 03-09-2013, 05:12 PM

It's dreadful to think your child is on their own in the playground I totally understand where you are coming from

There's 2 ways to think about it - you could say he's ok on his own and just not a group person - or get him in a football club to learn some ball skills...

Personally, I'd have a word at school see if he can take a book outside maybe if he's standing on his own or something like that.

Hugs x

**tori4** · 03-09-2013, 05:23 PM

Thank you, he does plenty of other sports activities martial art, swimming,plus youth group, and French .

He did go to football club years ago but just not his thing nor DH or mine.

Will ask abt taking book outside he would much rather b reading anytime. And ask teachers to keep an eye on him.

Thanks for advice xT

**Anacrusis** · 03-09-2013, 07:41 PM

Can you talk to the teacher? If he's unhappy about being on his own then keep talking and working together until you find a solution. If he's on his own because that's how he likes it then I would still keep a close eye on the situation and try not to worry too much. I hope you can work it out xxx

**blue bear** · 03-09-2013, 07:52 PM

What else do the school offer at playtimes other than football? Could you have a chat with the school to see if other activities could be on offer to help your son and others make friends. At my sons primary the head was very open to this and introduced tables with car mats on, tables with games like ludo, giant connect four, sand pits, den making kit (army donated tents and camaflague nets), balls and bats, stilts a cosy area with books to read. She said it worked a treat and playtime was a more settled time for everyone.

Could the PTA send out an appeal for donations?

**tori4** · 03-09-2013, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by blue bear

What else do the school offer at playtimes other than football? Could you have a chat with the school to see if other activities could be on offer to help your son and others make friends. At my sons primary the head was very open to this and introduced tables with car mats on, tables with games like ludo, giant connect four, sand pits, den making kit (army donated tents and camaflague nets), balls and bats, stilts a cosy area with books to read. She said it worked a treat and playtime was a more settled time for everyone.

Could the PTA send out an appeal for donations?

Thank u BlueBear love this suggestion will try and catch teacher/headteacher later in the week xT

**Little Jems** · 03-09-2013, 09:22 PM

I would definitely speak to his teacher - as a (newly) ex teacher (and Mum) I wouldn't think it was silly if a parent was wanting to speak to me about something like that and I'm sure your little boy's won't either. Is it possible that he doesn't actually mind being a bit solitary but is aware that you're anxious about it so that's why his response is a little hesitant? Could you suggest alternative 'openers' for him to suggest to the other boys to play? It's horrible thinking of your child being alone or sad but it could be that he prefers it like that. Good luck x

**tori4** · 04-09-2013, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by Little Jems

I would definitely speak to his teacher - as a (newly) ex teacher (and Mum) I wouldn't think it was silly if a parent was wanting to speak to me about something like that and I'm sure your little boy's won't either. Is it possible that he doesn't actually mind being a bit solitary but is aware that you're anxious about it so that's why his response is a little hesitant? Could you suggest alternative 'openers' for him to suggest to the other boys to play? It's horrible thinking of your child being alone or sad but it could be that he prefers it like that. Good luck x

Thanks littlejem- I spoke to his teacher (apologised for being overprotective mum) I suggested she offered him a book for playtime which she did. I think he does like some alone time sometimes am sure it is just me worrying .

Thanks for the advice xT