Children Sharing Or Not?

[Rick]

Right so where do you draw the line between allowing a child to share a toy and asking them to wait until the other child has finished? I'm referring more to toys only one child can use such as ride-on toys as otherwise I'd ask them to play together.

On one hand you have a child who has played with something for a while but is still playing with it. On the other you have a child who is desperate to play with it as well and is getting frustrated that they can't have it.

One particular example is a mindee who sits on a ride-on car at play group and would sit on it the whole time if I allowed. If I ask him to get off he doesn't play with something else, he sulks and stalks that person until they get off then he reclaims it again! But it happens quite a lot during the day where a child wants something someone else is playing with.

How do you handle this situation?

[shortstuff]

I encourage them to try other toys sometimes with my help, I have one here that only wants what other children have so deal with it a lot. He is a full on little person and very stubborn. He earned himself 3 time outs today for snatching just because he wanted what the others had.

If your little one is that obsessed with one toy it means they might need constant encouragement and praise when they try new things. Good luck with it though as it isn't an easy one to deal with.

[Rick]

Quite often there's no animosity or snatching. They ask me if they can have something someone else has so it makes it my decision. Has the child spent long enough playing with something? Should I ask them to allow the other child to play with it? Should I ask the other child to wait because they are still using it?

Good advice though thanks!

[lubeam]

No advice but what an interesting thread this will be sorry to be no help

[Rick]

No advice but what an interesting thread this will be sorry to be no help

Thanks Lubeam. It's something that seems to crop up a lot and it's difficult to know whether one child should yield to the other or one should wait until they have finished

[greanan]

I'll be watching this thread closely. I always find this difficult.

[lubeam]

True because we need to teach both patience and sharing , but as you say where is the line ?!
Thanks for starting the thread

[shortstuff]

if its a popular toy I usually say that you can play with it in 5 minutes. most of the time they have forgotten all about it. Problem solved. If they remember I ask the child to please let the other one have a turn now. Then point out that turn taking is a nice way to play.

I must be a meanie if I'm the only one lol

[kellib]

if its a popular toy I usually say that you can play with it in 5 minutes. most of the time they have forgotten all about it. Problem solved. If they remember I ask the child to please let the other one have a turn now. Then point out that turn taking is a nice way to play.

I must be a meanie if I'm the only one lol

Your no meanie, that's exactly what I do too!

I had 2 nearly 3 year old's and a 15 month old LO today all fighting over 2 toy prams. In the end they were told they take 5 minute turns or the buggies go back in the toy cupboard.

It worked for most of the day but we did have a few time outs for hitting and shoving etc and the buggies did get put back in the cupboard, however we got there by the end of the day, no doubt by time they come in the morning they'll have forgotten the rules lol!

Oh and the best one at sharing - the 15 month LO!

[miffy]

One particular example is a mindee who sits on a ride-on car at play group and would sit on it the whole time if I allowed. If I ask him to get off he doesn't play with something else, he sulks and stalks that person until they get off then he reclaims it again! But it happens quite a lot during the day where a child wants something someone else is playing with.

How do you handle this situation?

That seems to be more about possession than playing with the toy so I'd limit the time allowed on it - a sand timer might be useful so all could see when it's their turn.

Miffy xx

[JoRo163]

I use a 5 min sand timer - it works brilliantly!

[Zoomie]

Some toys are sharing toys and some are taking turn toys .....

We also have a timer, but my mindees are complicated. They say 6 minutes, which involves the 5 minute and 1 minute timers

[winstonian]

We use sandtimers too. The 10 minute one is brilliant for schoolies on the computer who seem to struggle with taking turns more than the littlies!

[Rick]

I like the sand timer idea because young children who cannot count proficiently or tell the time have a visual means of telling when the turn is up.

But what happens if you weren't expecting another child to ask for that toy. Do you start the timer then?

[jellyelly]

I have two brothers that are terrible at sharing to the point where it ends with biting!! I was told children don't understand the term sharing until they are 7 so I have to refer to it as turn taking. I still ask them to share though
Where can I buy a sandtimer? I've been looking for one to see if it helps but can't find one, probably looking in the wrong places xx

[smurfette]

I teach mine to say 'could I please have a go in a minute' and the child that has it, to agree, sometimes they give it up immediately and sometimes in a minute I say brightly 'ok, xs turn' seems to work, always did it with my own, think the giving them fair warning works same as when it's time to leave somewhere 'pk five more minutes then home time' .. Helps them make adjustment in their head

[Petshrinklj]

Where can I buy a sandtimer? I've been looking for one to see if it helps but can't find one, probably looking in the wrong places xx

I got mine from amazon. They are tink n stink ones. Odd name lol but they are nice bright colours and a decent size.


Interesting thread. it's something I have wondered about myself.

[ziggy]

oh dear, i am a real meanie

I encourage sharing and taking turns but if it turns into a real battle then i remove toy, probably sounds very unfair but strangely it always works, so much so that i have 3 two year olds most days and when they fight over a toy i only have to say 'shall i put that away?'

I have also tried timer method, mainly with ride on toys in garden

[sarah707]

I find timers work really well - but I do wonder if we ('we' being the majority of the adult world) are being fair to ask a child who is engrossed in their game to give it up and let someone else have a turn.

2 and 3 year olds really do not have any clear idea about sharing and I know some for whom parting with something they are playing with causes a reaction similar to a physical pain

However, we need to teach them life lessons - and in life you cannot have unlimited goes on the ferris wheel at the fair - so learning about sharing and taking turns is a must!

I do make sure I acknowledge their pain though - I can see you are struggling and I understand it's hard for you - I find it helps them to know that you empathise with them.

Hth

[phoenix2010]

5 minutes each