Taking on another childminders mindee?

[TNT]

I had a mum approach me at pre-school this morning asking if I had any spaces, I havent until September so told her so and she then told me that her child is not happy with her childminder as she has no others to play with in the afternoon and she wants to come to me as I look after her best friend.
Mum also asked if it would be possible to meet up with the other minder and her mindee in the afternoons so she could have someone to play with.
I know her childminder quite well and this would really upset her, I would also feel as if I was poaching her mindee, even though mum approached me.
I left it with mum that she would talk to her husband but to be honest I am going to say no as it feels wrong. I dont want to upset her current childminder because we have a freindly relationship and often pass on enquiries etc. What would you do? I am not sure whether to mention all this to the childminder or not.

[kellyskidz!]

I wouldn't to be totally honest, it could ruin your reputation amongst other childminders and cause upset to your friend (other childminder)
If she did the same to you would you be upset?
I'd suggest to the parent that she talks through her problems with her current cm to see if they can work it out and if they can't then talk to the cm yourself and explain what's happened and if she has any problems.
I wouldn't just accept the child though and be seen walking around with him/her without speaking to the other cm first.
She might be fine with it, in which case no probs but just be careful!
A cm near me did the same thing to a well-known minder before i began childminding and she literally had everyone ignoring her at groups, in the street etc. which was unfair in my opinion, but that's what happened and I wouldn't want that to happen to you xx

[Mrs Pootle]

I agree, suggest to mum that she speaks to cm as maybe cm not aware that child feeling alone on an afternoon. The current cm should be given the chance to sort out the situation, and it is unfair of mum to just think of removing the mindee and not resolving the problem.
If mum won't speak to cm I'd be tempted to do it myself, what have you to loose? By speaking to cm you can give her the heads up that mum is looking elsewhere because mindee doesn't like afternoons.
I would hope a fellow cm would do this for me if a parent didn't make me aware they were looking elsewhere, how can we improve our service if no-one points out areas for improvement?

[FussyElmo]

I think its a bit unfair of the mum to be removing the child brcause of lack of mindees. What if you become quiet would you get notice too. I also dont like the fact the mum has approached you for you to meet her minder in the day. Shouldn't she be discussing this with her cm.

[hectors house]

I would explain to this parent that there is an unofficial code of conduct for childminders and taking on other minders children is a big No No - especially when the parent doesn't seem to have spoken to current minder about the problem which may only exist in that parent's head. Maybe if parent spoke to current minder she could maybe look to take on other children in the afternoon, go to an afternoon toddler group, pop to the park or even met up with you and your mindees.

[TNT]

I know, talking to me about meeting the other minder at the park seemed a bit off to me too.
I saw minder on the way to preschool and explained the situation to her, she was not happy (of course) but glad I had told her, she was really nice about it. I only considered it really for a millisecond, but then felt bad, not a good way to do business.

[Petshrinklj]

On dear what an awkward situation. I agree with you that it's best to say no as things will be awkward with the other childminder. I find the parent a bit odd to consider switching cm based on what kids you look after. I assume she hasn't seen your setting read your policies etc. ( which I'm sure are great by the way- I just meant the mum doesn't know that)
I'd encourage the mum to discuss he situation with her current cm as I'm sure the cm would be able to sort something out for her to meet other kids.

[The Juggler]

awkward one. I think I would call mum and saying having thought about it you will say no. I agree, with Fussy Elmo, ask her what she thinks she might want do if suddenly you had no other children and whether she would consider taking the child away from you too?

I would also point out that it would look like you were poaching children and whilst you udnerstand her reasons you feel it would be better for her to find someone that her current Cm doesn't know personally.

[wendywu]

The pull for the child to come to you is probably due to the fact that you care for her best friend. But as we all know friendships change like the wind.

You have done the right thing, as if mum moves child on childs whim then you could be thrown into touch because you serve the wrong flavour yogurt

[Petshrinklj]

You have done the right thing, as if mum moves child on childs whim then you could be thrown into touch because you serve the wrong flavour yogurt

[helengreen13]

You have done the right thing, I went on two weeks holiday last year to come back to work on the first Day to have two mindees (sisters) hand their notice in and go to the other local childminders. When I asked why I was told I shouldn't have taken holiday as one of the girls best friends goes to the other local childminder and they were starting school in September together, I was devastated. The other cm never said a word and when I see her now she is all smiles and friendly but I can never trust her again ...........

[adedwards68]

Yes definitely done the right thing.

[bunyip]

I agree that a parent should always discuss problems with their CM before seeking out alternative care. I also think the mum's reason for moving the child is flawed. Any mindee anywhere can suddenly find themselves without playmates if circumstances change, as we know they do.

That said, IME CMs can get exceptionally touchy over what they call "poaching" for no good reason at all. I've had several issues over this with members of my local CM group because frankly, they're using it as an excuse to restrict the trade of other CMs and the choices open to parents. I refused to sign the group's ill-considered "code of conduct" for this and other reasons.

I wouldn't go actively seeking out lo's who are already settled with another CM. But some seem to think they've got their hooks into a family the moment they make an enquiry, and that parents have no right to leave no matter what kind of service they're getting.

[busybee_mummy]

In this instance I wouldn't take in the child, as others have said its because you are minding her friend.

However I do think that all situations need to be considered if a parent approached me (I wouldn't approach them) for childcare because their child was really unhappy with current childminder or things had changed, I would take them on. I think everyone should have the right to a choice and to change their mind.

[MessybutHappy]

I agree with Bunyip, things change, and parents should be free to make changes to their childcare arrangements. I'd have spoken to the other cm too, and explained that I'd been approached. If a parent wants to move their child, they should, there's no point fighting it, even if you think it's for silly reasons, but staying friends with cm's is a good idea, they'll be around longer than the children, and surely honesty is the best policy?

[Emra81]

The other point to consider is whether the 2 best friends being together is even the best option. We've all known kids who call each other 'best friends' but actually have quite a love/hate relationship or where child A considers child B their bezzie mate, but child B doesn't quite see poor unsuspecting child A in the same light! Awkward!

You'll probably never know whether that's the case here unless you end up taking the mindee on but it just crossed my mind that it could be a lot of hassle for you if they don't get on as well as you'd think.

[CLL]

You also find that the dominant child may choose all the activities and the other one tags along as she doesn't want to upset her friend. It may mean that they both do not progress equally and choose their own learning style. Maybe it is the mums that are best friends and they think it would be easier if their kids went to the same place. You never really know the real reason. I think you were right to speak to the other cm but mum might not think so and things might be a bit awkward. Hopefully things will turn out ok.