Behaviour - parent comments

[TeamRoberts]

Hi All,

I've been childminding a few months now and have my own spirited little boy. I've been really enjoying it until now and the children I care for are lovely and have very settled well.

One parent who has a very docile, well behaved child has asked that I ensure they don't pick up any bad habits that go unchecked; they are 2. My own boy is very lively, has very typical behaviours for his age, pushing boundaries, gaining in confidence/independence and loves running about having fun. At pick up the other day my mindee refused to have Mum put shoes on and struggled and ran away, Mum was very upset and said he'd never done that before. I explained that what he was doing was typical for his age and that I see it at pick ups (as transitions can be confusing) - next time I had shoes on already!

Now here is the sensitive part, I know that she has discussed her concerns with someone we both know, not saying anything detrimental about my service, but she said that my son is boisterous and over confident and that she doesn't want her son to be too-confident. She is concerned that he will pick up habits from my son, and that her well behaved quiet child will start to act up. Can a child be too-confident?!

I'm upset that she thinks my child is a bad influence, he is well mannered, polite and enjoys everything to the full. I"m not going to let on that I know she has discussed this with our mutual contact, and will continue exactly the way I have, the children are happy and I've had no direct communication that parent is unhappy.

Anyone else experienced this? I feel really hurt at the moment and my confidence has been knocked.

[sarah707]

I would be very angry that a parent had disclosed information about me and my family to a 3rd party - confidentiality works both ways.

I would have to tackle it because it is very unfair to talk about me or my family behind our backs.

I would ask mum in for a meeting. She clearly does not have confidence in your service just now and you either need to reassure her so she can move on or part company before it gets worse.

Hugs xx

[Allie]

I have recently had a similar situation, I mind my very spirited grandson one day a week and he also comes for lunch with his mummy on another day. I discovered two sets of parents were discussing how his bad behaviour was effecting their perfect girls

I had both sets of parents in seperately and explained that my grandson although not always perfect was far from being a problem child and that their perfect children were in fact normal children eg showing a normal range of behaviour including misbehaving

One family were very upset that I hadn't told them their child had problems and had to be reassured their child was normal (funny how an only child never fights with anyone at home)



Allie

[phoenix2010]

So basically from this point on everytime that child exhibits behaviour that mum doesnt like she is going to blame your child

It is going to be , in my opinion very difficult to work under those circumstances

I have a mum that likes to point out behaviour and say "we know where hes getting that from dont we " .....meaning other mindees

I find it hilarious that he is now doing things that he definitely has not picked up from here and is clearly coming from home , mum knows this too , so her perfect child is no longer perfect

well she has 2 older children , but i think she has forgotten what 2 yr olds are like , she is learning fast

Children do pick things up from other children , siblings , nursery , school , they change constantly

Some parents have really unrealistic expectations

I would be very hurt if it was my child that a parent was concerned about , and all you can really do is assure her that any unacceptable behaviours will be dealt with consistently with all children , but they have to expect that childrens behaviour is never and should never be perfect

[chezzagriff]

I would definitely have a meeting with her. Im sure she wouldnt like you talking bad about her child. I have a 2 year old o my own and I would not be happy if someone was talking bad about him behind our backs. You dont need to say that the mutual contact told you just say that she has expressed concerns to you and that you feel she thinks its your sons influence and then explain typical behaviours and that if feels that strongly then maybe its time to get another childminder. I would find it hard to work comfortably if that happened to me. Good luck, hope you manage to sort it out

[Ripeberry]

The mum sounds strange. Does not want her son to be 'over-confident'? If a child can't be confident at 2yrs old when can they be? Is it because she does not know how to manage behaviour? As others have said, she should not be bad mouthing your son. Hope she understands, because she is going to have a hard time once her 'perfect' child goes to school and mixed with all sorts!

[nipper]

No different to her child coming into contact with another mindee, only this time it's rather more 'personal'. I agree, with previous posters, you can't carry on working with a cloud over your head or any doubts in your mind.

[Tazmin68]

I agree with everyone else. I would have to talk to parents. I don't think I could carry on looking after a child when parents have talked about me to a third party

[sineadquinn]

I agree with other posters although I find confrontation quite hard I would have to say something. I had this problem when my son went to my OH sisters she blamed everything on my son for her younger sons behaviour rather than just excepting that he was a 'normal' two year old and yes they will copy but my son was my no means naughty just confident and knew how to have a good time. Look at them now there 6 and 4 and the difference is amazing my son is by no means an angel but generally speaking is polite, well behaved and very social and her son isn't.

[jillplum]

I think I would have to have a proper chat with the parent and explain how difficult it is going to be looking after her child if she has any reservations about my ability to manage my child and hers (and any others you may have). I would be asking her outright if she is happy with the care I provide and asking her if she is willing to try to rebuild the trusting relationship between you. Then its up to her to prove to you that she values you etc. Then its up to you if you decided to carry on caring for her child or not. At least you will have cleared the air

[MessybutHappy]

I'm not sure what I'd do, but I think I would have a chat...simply because I wouldn't want it repeated. At least the parents know you aren't going to be walked over!

[KatieFS]

I would be very upset if she had spoken to soneone else about me or my children. This is very unfair and is in breech of confidentiality.
Children learn from their environments and those around them. Children also change from when they are born until they are adult. What is to say confidence is a bad thing? It's a batter of opinion.. You could say being quiet is a bad thing? Being confident means you can be independent and stand on your own 2 feet. Is it best for her or her son he is quieter and co-operative?
I would ask for a meeting with her. Discuss your concerns in terms of confidentiality. See if you can set done goals, but try to get her to be realistic as this behaviour is very typical if this age.