Feeling a bit sad about a comment made :(

**JCrakers** · 20-02-2013, 08:05 PM

Im feeling a bit precious tonight as usually all my mindees love coming here and always have done. They look forward to coming and they all want to come rather than having to iykwim

The older children choose to come here in the holidays rather than a club which is really nice...although I'm trying to cut down...lol

Well, I have a mindee who is 5yrs old and she has been coming here for just over a year two days a week. She's always happy and seems to enjoy herself. Her little brother also comes in the daytime and he's a cutie.

But the problem is Mum didn't really want to go back to work so started to say 'just 2 more days until a mummy day'. So now whilst she's with me she counts down the minutes and constantly asks when is mummy coming. Now she has also started to count down school days and mum mentioned that she doesn't want to go to school and asks on a Monday morning 'how many days do I have to go to school?'

On Monday her mum asked me if I could have the two children on a different day to their contracted one but I could only fit her dd in due to buggy space.
Apparently her dd was so cross because she had to come here and her brother didn't

This comment made me really sad (mum told me on the morning that she might be in a mood because of this)

No point to this thread actually, just feeling rather sad about the comment

**lisbet** · 20-02-2013, 08:13 PM

**shortstuff** · 20-02-2013, 08:24 PM

It sounds like the mums guilt for workung is taking a toll on the lo. Try not to take it to heart. It just sounds like the mums influence to me. Hth hugs

**ChocolateChip** · 20-02-2013, 08:34 PM

This kind of thing really makes me cross- selfish parents only thinking about their feelings and not what is best for their child

I am sure she is a lovely parent and obviously misses her child BUT why do they not see that making off the cuff comments like that can really affect a child's ability to settle and make positive relationships? I understand that she is resenting going back to work and needs to feel needed but she is the adult here and should be putting her child's emotional well being before her own.
No doubt not everyone will agree with my opinion, (hard hat on, lol!) but I had days when I dropped my kids at nursery and literally wept as soon as I was outside, but I made damn sure that my kids never picked up on it and were happy to go in.

Hugs to you JC,

I know how it can make you feel, I once had a mindee who was leaving for f/t school running round my lounge on his last day shouting 'no more X's, yay!' I was gutted at he had absolutely loved his time with me (thousands of pics to prove it) but his older brother thought it would be funny to teach him to do that- and the mum never said a word!

**jo.jo76** · 20-02-2013, 08:46 PM

The mother really is making a rod for her own back by doing this to the poor child. Really, do not take it to heart x

**Mouse** · 20-02-2013, 10:25 PM

I think in this job we can't help but take some comments to heart. You can clearly see though that the problem is with the mum. It sounds like lo has probably loved coming to you & mum knows it, so has taken every opportunity to make out that a "mummy day" is better. Poor little girl will really struggle if mum won't let her engoy her time elsewhere.

**FussyElmo** · 21-02-2013, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by JCrakers

Im feeling a bit precious tonight as usually all my mindees love coming here and always have done. They look forward to coming and they all want to come rather than having to iykwim

The older children choose to come here in the holidays rather than a club which is really nice...although I'm trying to cut down...lol

Well, I have a mindee who is 5yrs old and she has been coming here for just over a year two days a week. She's always happy and seems to enjoy herself. Her little brother also comes in the daytime and he's a cutie.

But the problem is Mum didn't really want to go back to work so started to say 'just 2 more days until a mummy day'. So now whilst she's with me she counts down the minutes and constantly asks when is mummy coming. Now she has also started to count down school days and mum mentioned that she doesn't want to go to school and asks on a Monday morning 'how many days do I have to go to school?'

On Monday her mum asked me if I could have the two children on a different day to their contracted one but I could only fit her dd in due to buggy space.
Apparently her dd was so cross because she had to come here and her brother didn't

This comment made me really sad (mum told me on the morning that she might be in a mood because of this)
No point to this thread actually, just feeling rather sad about the comment

Where did her brother go? No offence to you but if it was a family member etc mine child would have been cross too as they would have thought they were missing out.

My ds who is 5 regularly counts down to the weekends/holidays when he can be at home with me. Wonder what that makes me then

**merry** · 21-02-2013, 07:43 AM

Try not to take it to heart

My mindees all love coming here, but I'm under no illusions that if given the choice they'd prefer to be at home with Mummy most of the time - it's not personal.

**Boris** · 21-02-2013, 07:51 AM

You need to talk to mum about this and nip it in the bud. I had a LO who's mum did the same thing. I didn't realise what she was saying to him until he became so upset, clingy and pretty disturbed (sounds dramatic I know!!). I was so worried about the child I called in my DO to observe and offer advice. Then I overheard mum talking to him at the car when I was loading some stuff in one morning. Couldn't believe it!

**jillplum** · 21-02-2013, 08:51 AM

I do think most children given the choice would stay at home with Mum. I know mine would even now they are teenagers

However, it seems like Mum has the problem and its rubbing off on the children. If the children werent happy with you then I am sure Mum wouldnt leave them with you. Read your compliments file and remind yourself how great you really are

**bunyip** · 21-02-2013, 09:24 AM

Personally, I'd take this is an 'occupational hazard' and move on. Raising it as some kind of big issue with a mum who seems to be a bit fragile at the moment is asking for trouble. If she realy is as insecure as implied, it's going to come across like a remake of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.

**JCrakers** · 21-02-2013, 02:32 PM

Thanks all.

I know given the choice that the kids would prefer to be at home...I'm not daft

But it's hard to listen when Mum is basically feeding the kids stuff about '2 more days'
....two more days of what exactly? Hell? No...2 more fantastically fun filled days at your childminders house. It's not exactly a punishment which is what the children are starting to think it is...I find it hard to keep listening to constant questions of when is it time to go? Just wish she would enjoy her time without thinking its a chore.

My own children love being at home, obviously but they also enjoy being away from me, enjoying experiences, not counting down their time away from home...I don't think it's healthy and now its showing when her dd isn't enjoying school at all and asking first thing on a on monday how many minutes until the week is over and thinking that my house is basically something that has to be done.....

And her brother has started it too...we had a fantastic morning at toddler group but this afternoon asking for his shoes and wanting Mum.....he was settled and been here for a year, used to be cuddly but now is becoming distant and unsettled

Being a childminder means building strong bonds with children, it comes with the job but its hard when someone sees it as a chore