I'm going to start an agency

[mummyMia]

I'm tired of working hard for little pay, so I'm going to start an agency. I will employ childminders at minimum wage and make them look after four under fives and a few schoolies on top.

First, I'll need to find some employees. I won't bother with asking you lot, I know you don't like agencies. I'll have a recruitment drive. I'll target mothers who already work in minimum wage professions, after all they will be happy to work for these rates of pay. I'll choose those mothers that have no more than one child of their own under 5, to make sure its profitable. I will tell the mothers that they hardly need to do a thing because I will provide training and all the paperwork they need. I will do all the advertising and they won't even have a tax return to fill. On top of all this, they will get to stay at home with their own children. That should keep the applications rolling in.

I suppose I can't legally expect these chilminders to provide food out of their minimum wages so I'll offer a small supplement to cover these expenses. Children don't eat much and the childminders can always grow their own vegetable and bake their own bread, so this supplement won't need to be very much at all. The childminders will also need some resources. Well, as they have children of their own, they are bound to already have toys and buggies. Agency childminders are allowed to share resources, so I'll invest in a small amount of high quality items. If I hear that Ofsted are coming, I'll drop these off with the childminder who is going to be inspected.

Next, I'll need some customers. I'll build a flash website that talks about the amazing benefits of home based care, but at the same time I'll promise parents that they will be able to deal with a professional and trusted company that will provide unrivalled service. I will even offer a back-up childminder, if their normal childminder is unavailable. That should get plenty of parents signing up.

If I get really lucky, the government might even decide to offer some sort of initial grant to get agencies off the ground. I'll use it on all this advertising.

I cant wait. I'm going to be so rich.

[AliceK]

I'm laughing but actually I should be worried as that is exactly what it'll be like

xxx

[groovychick]

Sooo funny you are in the wrong job as you should be a comedien!!

[mummyMia]

I've just had a really good idea to make a lot more profit.

I will send each childminder an assistant. I will contact the local colleges to ask if there are any young girls doing childcare courses who are looking for unpaid placements. I might even look into this government back-to-work scheme. After all, if these free volunteers are good enough for the Poundland and Tesco they will surely be good enough for me. I won't have to pay any extra wages, but each childminder will be allowed to look after a lot more children. It doesn't matter if these assistants change every few months, I can still promise the parents continuity of care because the childminder will be each child's key worker. It will a bit like operating a lot of mini-nurseries but without the overheads like rent, water, gas, equipment, etc. The employees will be providing all this themselves. This is such an amazing idea, I can't believe it hasn't been done before. I will make even more money than I thought. I will be rollling this out nationwide.

[The Juggler]

lol hon, but I agree - it will be like that - more's the pity. Hey you could always contact Northampton and ask which childminders came to meet with Ms Truss, she was only after the ones in favour of agencies

[bunyip]

Love it.

.... but it won't be as profitable as my 'left child lockers' franchise.

[angeldelight]

I'm laughing but actually I should be worried as that is exactly what it'll be like

xxx

That's what I was thinking

Very funny

Angel xx

[jackie 7]

ok so 1 childminder sets themselves up as an agency, each childminder in the area joins it and we go on as before. after all most councils dont have the money.. I do hope dear ET puts it before the competion commission as it will be unfair towards the day care centers.

[rickysmiths]

Funny I was thinking of doing the same thing. I hope you don't live round the corner from me

[MessybutHappy]

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em? Brilliant!

[mummyMia]

Love it.

.... but it won't be as profitable as my 'left child lockers' franchise.

Perhaps I will by a few and issue them out to the childminders I'm going to employ. After all I wouldn't want them to quit when they realise how hard it is to look after four little ones

[lubeam]

fuuny
but probley true

the question is how make ppl will actually fall for it before people realise their kids are suffering ?!

[SYLVIA]

I've shown your Finland agency thread to 3 parents tonight. The air in my house was blue, They were outraged that somebody could think these were acceptable ways to care for children. The part that hit home most seem to be how children will be placed with other minders/nurseries when I have to take my holidays and extra holidays due through overtime. They were off to make comments on the parliament survey and to spread the word around friends and work colleagues.

[nipper]

Jeez I had to do a double take then!

[SammySplodger]

You have really cheered me up - thank you

:-D x

[mum24]

This is so funny

Such a real shame that it is likely to be so true as well.....