Mindee (9mths) scared of DH

**MrsP2C** · 15-12-2012, 11:37 PM

I have a new mindee who is 9 mths. She's never really been without mum before so took a while to settle but is doing really well now (as long as i don't leave the room!) and she's such a sweetie and particularly loves seeing the older ones before & after school BUT she cries the minute she even heard my husbands voice and turns away crying if he comes in the room.

Unfortunately DH has an office in our home & although he doesn't work with me, is registered as my assistant because he's around so much.
I feel awful for him as I keep shooing him out of the room but also for her as this is obviously upsetting her. I mentioned it to mum who said she's always been vary of men - her dad is around but works long hours & no family locally so I get the impression she's just not used to men!!.
Any suggestions? Also, should I be noting this anywhere?
Thanks
MrsP

**kindredspirits** · 16-12-2012, 07:54 AM

i know its harsh but she needs to get used to your DH - perhaps he could spare 30 mins away from his work to play with her, or give her a bottle etc, so she can learn that he isn't a threat.

**Samcat** · 16-12-2012, 08:16 AM

I have exactly the same thing happen with a 22 month old who cries if he even hears his voice as my 15 yr old YS come in from school. My OH is in the same situation as yours (works at home and my assistant), sometimes the child is all smiles and wants to play with him and other times trying to hide into me and cry! We tried avoidance at first, then thought this was silly in our own house, so YS and OH make a point of coming in with smiles, low voices and talking to them for a little while and carrying on with what they are doing around them. I did tell mum and alos what the child is like elsewhere. I've also noticed since that the child freezes when we've been out for a walk when someone's walked towards us and only walks again when the person has passed, so I don't think it matters whether it's a boy, girl, man or woman, I think it's a shy phase they're going through.

**silvermist** · 16-12-2012, 08:27 AM

I had that same thing too, new mindee actually shook when dh walked in when he first started. We gently encouraged him by getting dh to come into playrom for maybe 5 mins. One day I was in the toilet and lo woke up so dh picked him up! Lo was ok but glad when I walked back into the room. We just kept going with it and now the mindee cant wait to see dh, he smiles at him, climbs on his lap too. It took about 8 weeks for him to be really comfortable though xx

**jo.jo76** · 16-12-2012, 09:19 AM

I had the same thing with one of my little ones. She is nervous of men too. She only ever saw DH occasionally which made it quite hard and took her a long time to not scream whenever he came home early. We all agreed avoidance was not the way forward, so I would make sure she was sat on my lap when he came in the room to begin with and we have a children's family photo album which has a picture of us in as well as other children's families, so used to talk to her about him plus other mindees mums and dads (she would scream at other dads who came to collect too!). She is still a bit weary but doesn't scream now with DH and other mindees dad, now trying to get her used to DD Grandad now! lol

**QualityCare** · 16-12-2012, 09:45 AM

It sounds perfectly normal to me, settling in was with you so all she was used to was seeing you and hearing your voice, give her time, get your husband to act normally in the house not avoid her, say hello to her when he passes through, talk to her when she's playing and he's in the same room all the time you reassure her, she will eventually accept him if she's with you full time it won't take to long.

**MrsP2C** · 16-12-2012, 08:25 PM

Brilliant thank you all I will stop DH hiding away so much & hope it doesn't take too long although she's only 2 days so could take a while! Thanks again. MrsP2C

**mindingmummy08** · 17-12-2012, 01:22 PM

My OH is quite a big man with a shaved head and goatee and honestly the minded kids seemed terrified of him the first few times they came. He is reg as my assistant because he's around so often. I encouraged him to be in the room with them a bit more and walk to school with us and every one of the kids adores him now and goes up to sit with him, brings him toys and play food.

I think if I'd have shoo'd him away etc they might have thought there was reason to be scared of him but after being around him for a few weeks and seeing him play and be funny they realised he's not how he looks.

Does make me laugh to watch him sometimes, I told him he's like our old dog scarey to look at but a comeplete puppy. I do keep saying to him can you just not shave your head during the week.

**emma04** · 18-12-2012, 01:33 PM

Iv'e had the same happen to me, I just say 'Sorry poppet but he lives here and you'll have to get used to him, just like we have!' (in a very jolly voice!)

**MrsP2C** · 22-12-2012, 08:33 PM

Thanks again as this week has seen a marked improvement already. DH has been more involved even with little things like handing her a beaker or sitting down in the same room whilst we're playing & she still turns her head away if he tries to engage her but didn't cry once on Friday :smile: