Hitting with balloons - acceptable behaviour or not????

**It'sallnewtome** · 08-11-2012, 02:16 PM

I have just started childminding and am looking after a chinese girl (20 months old). Her parents work full time and she is being dropped off and collected by her grandparents who do not speak any english. On Tuesday when she was collected the children (including my two, aged 2yrs and 5yrs) and my husband were playing with balloons. My 2yr old and the chinese girl ran to the door to greet the grandparents. In the excitement my 2yr old started hitting the girl with the balloons. When I looled down and saw what he was doing I asked him to stop which he did immediately. The grandfather was trying to turn the girl around to face my son and encouraging her to hit him back with her balloon. The girl was not upset or distressed in any way. However the next day I received an e-mail from the father saying he was concerned about aggressive behaviour that the grandparents had witnessed ... (1) is this deemed to be aggressive behaviour (2) do I need to inform Ofsted of this??? Help please!!! Am extremely upset and confused about this whole incident

**LauraS** · 08-11-2012, 04:47 PM

I would say it depends on the way in which it was done, and the intent. The grandparents might have perceived this.differently to you, inot knowing your son.

**lynnfi** · 08-11-2012, 05:00 PM

This seems totally weird. Sometimes children hit, and your son did and was told to stop. What is abnormal is the girl's grand -parent teaching her to hit back. Obviously he should have made your son stop and protect his gd daughter but not this!!!
Unless your son was particularly agressive, I would not worry.

But I would certainly, seeing the parent's reaction, note it as an incident and have the parents sign, give them a copy, but really it is silly. Not forgetting to write the inadequacy of the gd-parent's reaction. Not healthy. But be sure to protect yourself.

Now if it was very aggressive behaviour, I would appologise and do the paperwork as above mentioned, and would ponder over his behaviour and see what can help.

I hope you get sorted out quickly. No need to call Ofsted imo.

**EmmaReed84** · 08-11-2012, 05:42 PM

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

We playfully hit with balloons whenever we have them... They don't hurt and we all giggle about it... Thought everyone did this...

Perhaps we are just a violent and aggressive family

LOL

Pipsqueak · 08-11-2012, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by It'sallnewtome

I have just started childminding and am looking after a chinese girl (20 months old). Her parents work full time and she is being dropped off and collected by her grandparents who do not speak any english. On Tuesday when she was collected the children (including my two, aged 2yrs and 5yrs) and my husband were playing with balloons. My 2yr old and the chinese girl ran to the door to greet the grandparents. In the excitement my 2yr old started hitting the girl with the balloons. When I looled down and saw what he was doing I asked him to stop which he did immediately. The grandfather was trying to turn the girl around to face my son and encouraging her to hit him back with her balloon. The girl was not upset or distressed in any way. However the next day I received an e-mail from the father saying he was concerned about aggressive behaviour that the grandparents had witnessed ... (1) is this deemed to be aggressive behaviour (2) do I need to inform Ofsted of this??? Help please!!! Am extremely upset and confused about this whole incident

Of course its not aggressive and no you don't need to tell ofsted
what you DO need to do is respond to the father stating that

the children were playing (supervised) prior to collection
your son, being young, was merely continuing the play , albeit at an inappropriate time. There was nothing aggressive about the behaviour or actions nevertheless you dealt with it sufficiently at the time.
I would note that you were surprised at the Grandfather's reaction in encouraging the child to 'hit back' and you feel this was not appropriate and is certainly not an encouraged behaviour.

Now mop yourself up - gather up your confidence and stand your ground.
This might be a bit of a culture thing, it might be a bit of a language barrier (if G'parents understood/spoke English you could have explained), it might be one of those first time/parents of girl things, it was one of those situations were the tail-end of it has been misconstrued completely.

**It'sallnewtome** · 08-11-2012, 08:49 PM

Thanks so much for all your responses and reassurance. I can't tell you how thankful and relieved I am. I've only been childminding for a couple of months so this is all very new to me.

The father's e-mail really knocked me (I've been sick with worry and can hardly eat ... not a bad thing really as I've got a few pounds to shed!). I had drafted a reply to him stating pretty much what you said Pipsqueak (thanks

), but was reluctant to send it without getting some advice, speaking to NCMA (I've left a message for my CSDO to call me back) or knowing what to do exactly (whether to log it as a complaint with Ofsted) or what.

Perhaps I can get some sleep tonight knowing that I'm not an awful mum/childminder who condones 'aggressive behaviour' albeit with balloons! Thanks again

**hectors house** · 09-11-2012, 11:30 AM

You could add it to your own complaint received log - but you don't have to notify Ofsted - you just deal with it yourself (e-mail parent back, ask for a meeting), record the outcome - learn from it and move on.

**bunyip** · 09-11-2012, 02:48 PM

I really have tried to see the family's point of view here, but I'm struggling. If I really stretch the bounds of possibility, then I think they could only conceivably have a point if:-

1. Your child has a history of aggression and this is one instance amongst many. Your message doesn't state that, so I tend to discount the notion immediately.
or:-
2. Their child has a terrible fear of balloons. I've had one such lo, so I have to be careful. If this is the case, then the parents are largely responsible as they should've made it clear on admission to your setting.

I would ask the parents if point 2 applies and, if so, insist they put it in writing together with anything else you need to know that they didn't bother to tell you at the time. I'd check their understanding of the incident, as they were not there, and it may be a case of (dare I say "Chinese whispers"?) an error in communication. I'd add that, if the grandparent truly did perceive the balloon-hitting to be in any way aggressive or violent, that they should not be encouraging retaliation as your approach to behaviour management does not condone hitting back.

I'd log it as an incident/complaint. I'd then note that, after reflection, believed there to be no risk involved in the activity, no harm done, and no need for further action.

In fact, everything that Pipsqueak has put far more eloquently than I.