Another demanding parent!

[hectors house]

Had e-mail from my development officer today

Care wanted for a 20 month old boy on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings 8.00 - 1.00.
Possibly also occasional care for his 3 year old brother.

Mum asks for no TV time and lots of time spent outside. She is happy for there to be other children but preferably not the childminder's own while her child is there.

I replied that perhaps this parent should look for a nanny, if she has that many demands!

[Rubybubbles]

nothing wrong with that until you said about the own children?!?

[FussyElmo]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Suppose she could be thinking that the cms own children would be a priority other than that I dont get it

[Tatjana]

Oh my, what a bizarre thing to say, no tv indeed.

No seriously, what is she thinking, are childminders kids not good enough to mix with hers?!

[bunyip]

TBH I 'd say the mum has a point of view and I'd respect it. I couldn't offer her the place cos I have my own grandchildren, but I'd respect her view.

I know this is an extreme and very hypothetical case but.... if the house was on fire and I could only grab one child, I'd probable climb over her lo to get to my granddaughter. I defy any parent to say they'd do differently.

[Ripeberry]

Well she can take a running jump off a high cliff...

[BuggsieMoo]

I presume she would want term time only care (ensuring that her demands fit into the local school holiday, teacher training days and inset days) and she would need to be flexible on her hours as I for one know my own children are here at 8am - although she could get some of her quota of outside time by doing a school run.

No issues with outside time and no TV time but if its not a term time only contract then I fail to understand what she expects the childminder to do in instances of school closure with her own children......leave them in the car until the mindees go home? - Would have said outside in the garden, but the mindees might be out there playing

I agree, a Nanny is the way forward for this mum. He demands arent unreasonable (for the majority) just unrealistic for a childminder - 99% of us have our own kids.

[rickysmiths]

Had e-mail from my development officer today

Care wanted for a 20 month old boy on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings 8.00 - 1.00.
Possibly also occasional care for his 3 year old brother.

Mum asks for no TV time and lots of time spent outside. She is happy for there to be other children but preferably not the childminder's own while her child is there.

I replied that perhaps this parent should look for a nanny, if she has that many demands!

My two are grown up now but I started cm so I could be a stay at home mum and it my experience my parents have valued this and seeing my children was pivital in them choosing me to care for their children.

I wouldn't even interview someone who put this in an email even now. I would send polite a message back suggesting that if she felt uncomfortable about my children being around then perhaps a childminder wasn't the care she was looking for and she should look at local nurseries.

[hectors house]

My own children have grown up now too, *****minded though when they were small - gave it up to get a "proper job" when youngest went to school and then gave it up to go back into childminding as I realised I hadn't had a job since where I felt so fullfilled and passionate about what I do for a living.

So in theory I could take on this/these children - but in my setting I try to work with parenting styles and ideas but not if it then impacts on the other children.

[loocyloo]

My two are grown up now but I started cm so I could be a stay at home mum and it my experience my parents have valued this and seeing my children was pivital in them choosing me to care for their children.

I wouldn't even interview someone who put this in an email even now. I would send polite a message back suggesting that if she felt uncomfortable about my children being around then perhaps a childminder wasn't the care she was looking for and she should look at local nurseries.

all my mindee parents past and current love MY children and mindees love them too, they are always being called 'big brother & sister' and for some of my families, are the closest some of the children will get to having real siblings. the fact i have children has always been a deciding factor for my parents, and in fact, when i was nannying, baby DS got me a job! nanny charge was a 'one & only' and parents wanted child to have 'sibling' type care.

edited to say,i forgot about the older schoolie i minded when DS was still little, she used to beg her mum to pick her up late so she could help bath DS and put him to bed with a story! mum loved this, as only chance mindee got to be with a little one ( no siblings or cousins or even friends with little ones ). i used to feel guilty charging mum fees, as mindee was so helpful!

[Mouse]

TBH I 'd say the mum has a point of view and I'd respect it. I couldn't offer her the place cos I have my own grandchildren, but I'd respect her view.

I know this is an extreme and very hypothetical case but.... if the house was on fire and I could only grab one child, I'd probable climb over her lo to get to my granddaughter. I defy any parent to say they'd do differently.

I agree completely, but I don't even think it needs to be a hypothetical reason. I know a cm who puts her child above all others. Mindees are made very aware that it is her son's house, mindees are lucky to be playing with her son's toys, if they bring toys into her house they have to hand them over to her son as soon as he demands them as it's his house and he has to share his toys, so they have to willingly hand over theirs. She bought her son a new trampoline - not only were mindees not allowed on it, but they had to watch mindee playing on it if he told them to.

Now, if mum has had experience of anything even vaguely similar I could totally understand when she would prefer a cm without their own younger children.

[Little Pickles]

[QUOTE=Mouse;1175253]I agree completely, but I don't even think it needs to be a hypothetical reason. I know a cm who puts her child above all others. Mindees are made very aware that it is her son's house, mindees are lucky to be playing with her son's toys, if they bring toys into her house they have to hand them over to her son as soon as he demands them as it's his house and he has to share his toys, so they have to willingly hand over theirs. She bought her son a new trampoline - not only were mindees not allowed on it, but they had to watch mindee playing on it if he told them to.

I am sure my DD (5 yr old ) would be like this if I allowed her to get away with it !!!! LOL !

Seriously that is awful if the CM is allowing that behaviour to go on and supporting it too ! Are the parents aware ? And just out of curiosity if you know about this situation going on currently do you need to act on it as surely she is being discrimatory ( ? sp ) and down right cruel to the children in her care ??

[Mouse]

[QUOTE=Little Pickles;1175262]

I agree completely, but I don't even think it needs to be a hypothetical reason. I know a cm who puts her child above all others. Mindees are made very aware that it is her son's house, mindees are lucky to be playing with her son's toys, if they bring toys into her house they have to hand them over to her son as soon as he demands them as it's his house and he has to share his toys, so they have to willingly hand over theirs. She bought her son a new trampoline - not only were mindees not allowed on it, but they had to watch mindee playing on it if he told them to.

I am sure my DD (5 yr old ) would be like this if I allowed her to get away with it !!!! LOL !

Seriously that is awful if the CM is allowing that behaviour to go on and supporting it too ! Are the parents aware ? And just out of curiosity if you know about this situation going on currently do you need to act on it as surely she is being discrimatory ( ? sp ) and down right cruel to the children in her care ??

Most parents are aware as the children are at the age where they can say what's going on. Some parents leave, others stay. In many other ways she is a very good cm. She does a lot with the children, bends over backwards for many parents. Unfortunately she's blinkered where her younger child is concerned (also has an older one, but it's the pre-school one who gets their own way all the time). I have tried to talk to her about it before, but she doesn't really see a problem. She feels guilty for putting mindees first, so makes a big effort not to!

[bunyip]

I agree completely, but I don't even think it needs to be a hypothetical reason. I know a cm who puts her child above all others. Mindees are made very aware that it is her son's house, mindees are lucky to be playing with her son's toys, if they bring toys into her house they have to hand them over to her son as soon as he demands them as it's his house and he has to share his toys, so they have to willingly hand over theirs. She bought her son a new trampoline - not only were mindees not allowed on it, but they had to watch mindee playing on it if he told them to.

Now, if mum has had experience of anything even vaguely similar I could totally understand when she would prefer a cm without their own younger children.

Gosh that's unfair and really sad.

Getting back to the mum in the OP, I don't understand why some of us are being so critical of her (and I don't mean the lovely Mouse, who I quoted for an entirely different reason). Diversity is about recognising people's individual needs, not about labelling someone just because they want something in any way different from what we have to offer. Also, why are we assuming every CM's setting is the same as ours own?

AFAIC, the mum's points represent the entirely reasonable exercising of parental choice. Sure, I agree that many minded children benefit from interaction with CM's children: I have one who frequently 'goes into her shell' if my granddaughter isn't here. But mum may have a perfectly good reason for seeking a CM who doesn't have children at home. To consider just one example, the CM wouldn't be forced to close for a DS/DD's illnesses, so mum will spend fewer days being left paddle-less up the jolly old Rio Excreta. Any CM who doesn't fit the bill need not apply, but I don't see why CM's need to be critical or suggest that she must use a nanny. Not all CMs have their own children at home.

The mum has laid out her basic expectations, and I wish a lot more would do so rather than the usual pointless stuff, eg. "CM wanted, must be trustworthy and good with children." Wouldn't we all far rather her say exactly what she's looking for than join the ranks of time-wasters who don't mention what they actually want until we've spent a morning cleaning the house for their visit or, worse still, 2 weeks into the contract (and just after we told the next prospective client that we just gave up the last place.)