help with minded child with ADHD and empathy please

**mushpea** · 09-10-2012, 05:17 PM

I need some ideas on how to occupy a 9yrold boy with ADHD, My own son has ADHD and I know from experiance that if hes kept occupied he's fine, I feel that with a minded child things might not be so easy, esepcialy as he's at that age when children seem to grow out of childcare and dosent feel he should be in childcare. I have a few ideas up my sleeve but wonded what other peoples ideas are,, so far I have thought of baking, science experiments, some easy woodwork kits, kenex , lego etc My son loves his xbox and I thought if the parent was in agreement for reward for good behaviour he could half hou on the playstation before he goes home then I can also use it so that if he misbehaves he gets a strike, 3 strikes and theres no playstation . oh not me striking him lol just 3 chances.
also this particular child is nasty to other children and when told about it he dosent show any empathy towards the other children yet he obviously knows its not nice , this is somthing I havent come accross before so I wonded if you guys had and how you have delt with this, I want to help the child to understand his actions aren't nice and how they make the other children feel, obviously I can talk to him about it but I get the feeling he needs more input and help with this. He tends to shout in other childrens faces and can grab somtimes although the grabbing is when he starts to get over excited.

**EmmaReed84** · 09-10-2012, 05:28 PM

I find with my son, if he starts to flip out, you know that build up they can get and you can just see what I call the "ADHD Monster" creep out. I count in back from 5, fairly slowly and calm. I would speak with him and ask him about the triggers, ask him what he feels he can do or what he feels might help him, if he sees you implementing these calming measures to help me, he may feel less "alone" in his situation, if that make sense.

I also find that instead of telling a child that "you did this/You did that" I try to get them to think about it. So if he shouted in a child's face because this child took a toy I would ask him, "why is the child crying" if they start to be like "He did this, that, blah blah blah" I ask "What was it though, that actually made him cry" until I get the answer "Well I shouted at him" then I ask, if shouting got the desired outcome such like, then ask what he thinks might have been a better idea...

There is a really good forum I think it is called ADDforum and you can go to the parenting section and there are loads of essays about it, which are fabulous! An excellent read.

**mushpea** · 09-10-2012, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by EmmaReed84

I find with my son, if he starts to flip out, you know that build up they can get and you can just see what I call the "ADHD Monster" creep out. I count in back from 5, fairly slowly and calm. I would speak with him and ask him about the triggers, ask him what he feels he can do or what he feels might help him, if he sees you implementing these calming measures to help me, he may feel less "alone" in his situation, if that make sense.

I also find that instead of telling a child that "you did this/You did that" I try to get them to think about it. So if he shouted in a child's face because this child took a toy I would ask him, "why is the child crying" if they start to be like "He did this, that, blah blah blah" I ask "What was it though, that actually made him cry" until I get the answer "Well I shouted at him" then I ask, if shouting got the desired outcome such like, then ask what he thinks might have been a better idea...

There is a really good forum I think it is called ADDforum and you can go to the parenting section and there are loads of essays about it, which are fabulous! An excellent read.

Thanks I will look at the forum later,, I know what you mean about triggers and the monster, I can see it brewing in my son and i find if i take a calm approach and take a deep breath he sees me doing it an breaths too which helps him calm down although not always, when the monster escapes all I can do is to let him stomp off and calm down then talk to him because he just cant take anything in once hes exploded,
i havent seen this child get angry and explode as yet but I have seen a lot of nastiness towards other children and I think helping him to understand their feelings may help him not to be so nasty, he's definatly worse when hes overexcited but then i think thats a factor with all children.

**EmmaReed84** · 09-10-2012, 05:44 PM

The worst I have ever seen my son was when he went in to a melt down and started to smack himself in the head, all because the toothpaste tube was ever so slightly different. He just went in to a melt down and I couldn't calm him down, so in the end I had to put the toothpaste on his toothbrush and literally shove it in his mouth before he would even believe me it was toothpaste!

One interesting thing about the site is they talk about the 30% rule or take 1/3 rule... basically children with ADHD in their minds are actually 2/3s of their real age so deal with him according to their ADHD age. So Cameron is actually 6 but in his head he is like 4...

**sarah707** · 09-10-2012, 07:03 PM

Ask school or parents if they have any social stories written for him - they are stories featuring the child which talk about how to react in different situations.

They might help him to become more aware.

I hope it works out

**angeldelight** · 09-10-2012, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by sarah707

Ask school or parents if they have any social stories written for him - they are stories featuring the child which talk about how to react in different situations.

They might help him to become more aware.

I hope it works out

I would do the same

I would also go along with your own ideas that you have

Good luck

Angel xx

**Tazmin68** · 10-10-2012, 08:05 PM

Hi
My son has aspergers and autism West Midlands helped give me lots of info. He has a tendency to shout ie lack of volume control and I have a laminated poster numbered 0 to 5 ie 0 being silent, 2 is whisper and 5 shouting and when he gets too loud I will say you are at no 5 can we be at number 3 which is normal talking volume. Because it is visual I find it helps.

**mushpea** · 11-10-2012, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Tazmin68

Hi
My son has aspergers and autism West Midlands helped give me lots of info. He has a tendency to shout ie lack of volume control and I have a laminated poster numbered 0 to 5 ie 0 being silent, 2 is whisper and 5 shouting and when he gets too loud I will say you are at no 5 can we be at number 3 which is normal talking volume. Because it is visual I find it helps.

I like this idea and would have been great for my son when he was younger but this child isnt just raising volume levals he gets right in the childrens faces and shouts at them , just aaarrrgghh type shouting , no words, it will scare the little ones which is why I was trying to think of ways to help him understand this.
I did think of the emotion cards so he can show how hes feeling and then how he thinks the other children feel when he does this.