Handover/collection problems

[eddie]

I have a LO aged 2 3/4 who still clings to Dad on drop off to the point where I literally have to tear her off and close the door to screams!

Plays happily all day, then on collection literally drags Mom out of house, screaming come on, home, home. I can't talk because she is opening the front door, no backward glance other than a glare at me.

If she was my child I would be convinced that she hates it here with me. Any ideas - should I do anything differently, encourage Mom to put her foot down and not let the child demand to go home in the way she does or just leave it?

[littlecheeks]

I have a LO aged 2 3/4 who still clings to Dad on drop off to the point where I literally have to tear her off and close the door to screams!

Plays happily all day, then on collection literally drags Mom out of house, screaming come on, home, home. I can't talk because she is opening the front door, no backward glance other than a glare at me.

If she was my child I would be convinced that she hates it here with me. Any ideas - should I do anything differently, encourage Mom to put her foot down and not let the child demand to go home in the way she does or just leave it?

i dont think you could encourage mum to put her foot down, shes not actually doing anything wrong.
has shee been with you long? she may just have missed her parents and be clingy with them. she is 2 so of the age children will often try to gain control over situations.
i would suggest distraction techniques when dropped off, maybe have something interesting out to look/play with, or asking questions 'what would you like to do today?' still encourgae her to say goodbye to mum/dad and reassure her they will be back.
if she is happy at yours otherwise, it may just be a phase. are parents concerned?

[Rubybubbles]

Hard one, I would maybe get the child to bring something in from home as a comfort (I am normally against this lol!) is there anyway of getting the parents to take a peek to see the child playing?

On the going home no idea, mine dont normally want to leave

[eddie]

I have looked after LO since she was 8 weeks old. Always been a bit difficult at both ends of the day and I know the child wants to go home but I wouldn't let my own children demand to leave from someones house in the tone this one uses as she is rude and throws tantrums if Mom doesn't instantly obey.

Unfortunately despite me offering to have her dropped off 15 mins early with no charge they insist on bringing her at the very last minute when I am literally getting into the car which she hates so that doesn't help. And if they are early then Dad stays just that bit too long and then we have trouble that end.

I have tried the bag of interesting things to distract - no success. She often brings toys from home but they become a problem during the day if others touch them she is violent and if she has to hold it all day she won't play.

AS for are parents worried - well I did get a cutting remark a few weeks ago - Oh xx what do they do here that's so bad you don't want to stay!!! I did point out how hurtful it was but I don't know if they are concerned or not.

[Pipsqueak]

i would be stopping her opening the door for starters... that is a no-no in this house - only I am allowed to open my door.

Sounds like this child has developed a habit. I have one like that and some swift handovers coupled with some ignoring and also some firm behaviour guidelines it has eased of.

Change the routine and 'shock' her out of it!

sorry sounds harsh I know but its not meant like that. AFter haveing some 'experiences' of a child dictating his mothers' every breath - he is now 9 years old and rules the roost and is frankly an awful child. Personally its not something I would or have ever tolerated from any of my children - then glaring and giving others dirty looks, marching away without saying good bye etc and certainly never dictating the pace of me coming and going....

[Pipsqueak]

IAS for are parents worried - well I did get a cutting remark a few weeks ago - Oh xx what do they do here that's so bad you don't want to stay!!! I did point out how hurtful it was but I don't know if they are concerned or not.

Just re-read that - I would call the parents in and say that you have been thinking about this remark and you have decided to document to safeguard yourself.
I would point out that NOTHING is done to the child and you feel that their remark is potentially damaging to you and blah blah

and then serve them 4 weeks notice...

couldn't go on like that

[rickysmiths]

I agree with Pip except a remark like that means a warning as well that if it or anything similar is hinted at during the four weeks notice then care stops immediately but the money for the remainder of the notice will still be paid. There is no justification for remarks like that.

I have had two parents in the last year who did this with their children. I begin to wonder where the adult is in the relationship. If the parents won't work with you to try and improve the situation then it won't improve.

The first thing is a child of that age should not be being carried in to you in the morning they should be walking in holding the parents hand or not depending on where you are. I have 14mth olds walking in, they come in chatting and happy. I find they are much better if they are not a cling on when they arrive.

[eddie]

i would be stopping her opening the door for starters... that is a no-no in this house - only I am allowed to open my door.

Sounds like this child has developed a habit. I have one like that and some swift handovers coupled with some ignoring and also some firm behaviour guidelines it has eased of.

Change the routine and 'shock' her out of it!

sorry sounds harsh I know but its not meant like that. AFter haveing some 'experiences' of a child dictating his mothers' every breath - he is now 9 years old and rules the roost and is frankly an awful child. Personally its not something I would or have ever tolerated from any of my children - then glaring and giving others dirty looks, marching away without saying good bye etc and certainly never dictating the pace of me coming and going....

I agree with you on all points!

No one is allowed to open the door - its even in my policies not to encourage the children but it is still happening and if I mention it, nothing is done.

My children would certainly not get away with this sort of behaviour but Mom seems scared to upset the child and avoids situations that may cause problems such as saying 'no'! I would be mortified if my kids demanded to go home when we were at someone else's house.

I have no such problems during the day - she is polite, does what she is told but I am always amazed at how children change the second their parents knock the door!

I will enforce some swift handovers and send out emails again about the door and if she does it I will physically intervene (and then fill out the form ).

Need to grow a pair and sort this today - thanks for the advice. (I have also noted the comment and the response and will get parent to see/sign later). It would be difficult to give notice as she and one of my other parents are best mates and I would lose 3 places not just the one.

[eddie]

I agree with Pip except a remark like that means a warning as well that if it or anything similar is hinted at during the four weeks notice then care stops immediately but the money for the remainder of the notice will still be paid. There is no justification for remarks like that.

I have had two parents in the last year who did this with their children. I begin to wonder where the adult is in the relationship. If the parents won't work with you to try and improve the situation then it won't improve.

The first thing is a child of that age should not be being carried in to you in the morning they should be walking in holding the parents hand or not depending on where you are. I have 14mth olds walking in, they come in chatting and happy. I find they are much better if they are not a cling on when they arrive.

Exactly - imagine how they will be in 10 years time as a teenager. Even if she walks in as soon as the door opens she heads straight for Dads legs and I really hate physically pulling a child off their parents. They are just not strong enough to say - stop that, time to go and play etc etc, its all 'everything's ok, don't worry'.... They know she is fine here during the day, I take enough happy photos, send messages etc.

The remark was out of order I agree. I have logged it and will make sure that it is not acceptable to indirectly accuse me of something. Thanks for everyone's help.

[Pipsqueak]

I agree with you on all points!

No one is allowed to open the door - its even in my policies not to encourage the children but it is still happening and if I mention it, nothing is done.

My children would certainly not get away with this sort of behaviour but Mom seems scared to upset the child and avoids situations that may cause problems such as saying 'no'! I would be mortified if my kids demanded to go home when we were at someone else's house.

I have no such problems during the day - she is polite, does what she is told but I am always amazed at how children change the second their parents knock the door!

I will enforce some swift handovers and send out emails again about the door and if she does it I will physically intervene (and then fill out the form ).

Need to grow a pair and sort this today - thanks for the advice. (I have also noted the comment and the response and will get parent to see/sign later). It would be difficult to give notice as she and one of my other parents are best mates and I would lose 3 places not just the one.

If the parent is not taking control in a manner that you find appropriate during handovers then point out that when on your premises you will remain in charge.
As you know the child tries to open the door - stand in front of it and firmly and politely say 'no children opening the door - only I do that'.



I think you need to sit down with the parent(s) and explain about working together and so on.

as to losing three places if the bessie mate gives notice then so be it... find families that are respectful and decent