Losing children! (and work/life balance?)

**leeloo1** · 14-09-2012, 01:58 PM

I'm feeling a bit weird - after a lot of short contracts (due to children moving unexpectedly, being put with me til places came up at nursery etc) I've had 2 years of 'stability' with the same 4 babies/little children, then I've lost 3 children within the last 4 months! Isn't there a phrase about losing 1 is unfortunate, 2 is careless, 3 is...

1st left in June due to going to nursery, 2nd left 2 months ago due to moving house and 3rd left yesterday as he has a place at school nursery. I only found out about the last on Tuesday as school couldn't confirm the extra sessions til then! So its been a rush finishing his reports, learning journals etc.

I've filled 2 of the places already (I'm lucky there are lots of parents looking for child care near me), but I'm not sure whether to fill the 3rd space or to have an easier year before my son starts school next year. So I guess that adds to the uncertainty... but all in all I'm just feeling weird, unsettled... and missing the little ones who are leaving - they're practically like siblings for my own children!

Oh well, sorry its a bit of a random post - I guess if anyone has any advice about losing children - or about whether to work more (and save more as I'm hoping to have another baby soon) or work less to enjoy life a bit more and have more time with my own son I'd appreciate it.

**Daftbat** · 14-09-2012, 02:54 PM

The only advice I can offer is to do what ever you feel comfortable with. Don't rush in to a decision - its good advice which I have not always heeded

I think we all go through phases like this and sometimes things happen for a reason and we should grasp opportunities as they come.

I hope things work out

**leeloo1** · 14-09-2012, 08:35 PM

Thanks daftbat. I think you're right and I should just relax and see what happens.

**The Juggler** · 14-09-2012, 09:13 PM

as I've lost children before I've found my work life balance was better.

first went to less children in hols, then to a day off in the week (I was studying so it was great - now it's a paperwork day

), then TTO pretty much, then lost the afterschoolers - so no more dinners to prepare

now I work til 5.30 latest, one day I don't work except for school drop and I onl work 2 days in the hols.

So, in summary, losing children CAN help your work:life balance if you are choosy about what you take on. Look at what you can afford and see what works for you

**Ripeberry** · 14-09-2012, 09:37 PM

If you've got the opportunity to relax and take things a little bit easy then use it. Your own son will only be young for a short time. Some things happen for a reason

**leeloo1** · 14-09-2012, 11:15 PM

Thanks for your comments - its nice to have an extra perspective. And I'm really glad to hear things worked out so well for you Juggler.

Thinking about it, the work-life balance improved for me too as little ones left - especially when my 1st one left as then I only needed to work 8-5.30/6, instead of 7.30-6.15 (blessed relief to start 30 mins later in the morning and finish usually 30 mins earlier!).

Its hard, as having been through such a 'lean' period workwise, then its difficult not to take all the work I'm offered, and my mum & husband really feel I should take on an extra baby whose mum wants 1-2 days, but that'd mean I'm back to 3 children every day (3 of the 4 would be 13mths too!) and it just means I do less with my son, have less time for him and I drown in paperwork with so many part-timers.

Ripeberry - your post made me

so thank you! I really love your attitude. I'm such a worrier and need to learn to relax and take things as they come a bit more!

So perhaps I should now be choosy - and take things slowly... I can always have a few months of easier work and always take another child on later in the year if I need to?

ps sorry I realise some people are struggling to find work and must be cursing me for turning work down. I do realise I'm very lucky to be in this position now.

Edited to add: If anyone else has any thoughts either way then please do comment - I usually read posts and think 'people have said what I'd say already' so don't post, but I really do need some moral support to stand up to my family (and my conscience which is telling me to earn whilst I can!) and not take the extra work on.

**marnieb** · 15-09-2012, 07:49 AM

I know how you feel - for the past year I've worked pretty much full-time, had no time off over the summer holidays at all, my own kids are 3.5 and almost 9, so I think it's been too hard on them.

I have 2 mindees leaving before the end of Ocotber ( new babies coming for both), and with that in mind I managed to move another mindee around, so from next month onwards I'm not working on a friday at all. I can't wait!!

**The Juggler** · 15-09-2012, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by leeloo1

Its hard, as having been through such a 'lean' period workwise, then its difficult not to take all the work I'm offered, and my mum & husband really feel I should take on an extra baby whose mum wants 1-2 days, but that'd mean I'm back to 3 children every day (3 of the 4 would be 13mths too!) and it just means I do less with my son, have less time for him and I drown in paperwork with so many part-timers.

hon you don't always have to turn the work down. you'd be amazed at people who say they will manage to pick up earlier or drop later if you say you don't work outside certain hours. Not always but it's worth saying. Especially when you point out you charge more before 0800 and after 1800 and it will be £x month cheaper if they can pick up earlier/drop later

**LChurch** · 15-09-2012, 12:06 PM

It is horrible when you feel your kids are missing out, I was full over the summer hols pretty much every day, my kids have even said they don't want me minding anymore so push comes to shuv and I am so going to look for something else so that I can spend quality time with the kids over the summer hols instead of having to share the kids with everyone else!