Protecting ourselves from false allegations

**aaa** · 21-05-2012, 06:42 PM

I have namechanged for obvious reason. I really need your help on this ...
I co mind with my husband. I have this 7 yo mindee. Today she was screaming in a very high pitched voice sitting at a dinner table and my OH asked her not to scream. I was in the room next door so I heard everything. He said the mindees name firmly to grab her attention and then just said 'please do not scream'. She stopped. That's the end of the story. I didn't think much about but a few minutes after the pick up I got a call from the mum saying her DD said my OH shouted at her. I said I was there and heard everything and he definitely didn't shout. I even confronted my own children later who were sitting right beside her when it happened and they confirmed exactly what I said. Going back to the conversation I had with the mum she said she had seen my OH bad temper (where she saw it I wonder!). Now this really annoyed me as I know my OH and he has not got a temper.
As a background information I know she mentioned to another childminder that she wasn't happy using me as a man was also a childminder (that is even before she has come to see us about childminding her DD). She is a single mum. She is very argumentative if she doesn't get her own way.
On the phone I mentioned I will have to speak to my OH as this is a serious allegation. To which she replied 'oh don't worry this is just just for your information. I really like you blah blah blah...but I don't trust men ...blah blah'
I think I have decided to give notice as I don't feel I can work with her anymore as I just feel one of those days her DD may decide to exaggerate something else and we will have the police and social services on our backs and no business.
I just wanted to ask you what's the best way to deal with this situation as it can't just stay between me and the mum.

**sarah707** · 21-05-2012, 08:02 PM

It sounds like the mum will look for any reason to knock your husband if she doesn't like men... and maybe encourages her daughter to do the same.

If you feel the older child's behaviour is impacting on the little ones then you have no alternative but to give notice.

However, make sure you write it all up in case a malicious complaint wings its way towards you as a result.

Hth x

**PrettyFlowers** · 21-05-2012, 08:07 PM

When you have to write things up like this where do you write it?

Would you have a diary type thing for each child who needs it, and is this obviously confidential, but do you share it with the parents?

Thank you - sorry for the hijack

**aaa** · 21-05-2012, 08:15 PM

Thank you Sarah. The little girl is very gentle and sensitive. I have no problems with her otherwise whatsoever. That scream did shock me and initially I thought it was one of my own monsters making it. I am sure she has been told to watch my OH and report everything back to her mum. I honestly didn't even think I should tell her mum she screamed at the dinner table as anyway I didn't think it was outrageous or anything. But this whole thing made me feel very vunreable and really I now feel my OH is being discriminated because he is a man.
Do I have to write her a written response or is it just for my own record. How do I word it ? Should I say I was there and she wasn't shouted at? I have never had to deal with anything like that and I'm not a new minder.

**Smiley** · 21-05-2012, 08:17 PM

I agree with Sarah and I think it would be better to give notice or the working relationship could continue to be difficult.

**sarah707** · 21-05-2012, 09:11 PM

If she was making a complaint then write it up as a complaint, investigate it internally and send her a letter, within 28 days, with your findings.

Be as subjective and unemotional as you can - thank her for bringing it to your attention and state the facts as they happened.

If she was just causing problems then you can either choose to handle it as a complaint or write it up for your own records.

Do you have a diary you write things into like incidents, outings etc? It could go in there - otherwise write up a sheet for the child's file.

Hth xx

**miffy** · 21-05-2012, 09:25 PM

I would record this formally because, if you do give notice, it is likely that she may then make a complaint to Ofsted.

Miffy xx

**uf353432** · 21-05-2012, 09:26 PM

I have a sheet called 'parent conversations of note' I keep one in every childs file and it details any conversation that I think might become contentious - it details dates, time, where conversation took place, details of conversation and how the information was received. At the very least I would start one of those for this parent - including offhand comments like 'I don't trust men'. Personally i'm quite proactive with parents and at the mere sniff of sniff I would be writing a letter to outline a factual report of what happened and if she would like to make a further complaint - Ofsteds address. Sometimes parents don't consider the implications of what they say until you take it very seriously and then the penny drops.