What to do?

[pinkellifun]

I have had a friend mention a couple of times that they would like to swap their current cm for me in sept. I don't know what to say because this current cm is my friend and has helped me out loads with starting up.

Am I allowed to speak to the current cm - leaving out names - and see if I can test/calm the waters before it is even brought up?

Any advice?

[christine e]

Very tricky situation. First of all would you want to look after your friends children, mixing friends and childminding could present problems and challenge your friendship. Why does your friend want to change? Is she unhappy with the other childminder? Are you nearer to her or something like that which would make life easier for her? Also I think it would come better from your friend direct to her childminder rather than you speaking with the childminder as it may look like you are instigating the change

Cx

[rickysmiths]

This can be difficult. Have you asked them why they want to change? It may be as simple as she can't do additional hours the parents want or reduced hours.

But it could mean that your friend has had to get tough over something like payments. I had this recently I took on a short term contract of children a fellow cm had had two years ago and she just discreetly mentioned payment in my ear. I am glad she did because I would have been out of pocket however they had left her a long time ago.


I think I would ask mum why she wants to change and see what reason she gives you.

Maybe when you see your cm friend you could strike up a chat about what vacancies she has and how many phones calls you have all been getting. Is she loosing any going to school in Sept etc and see if you can get a feel for what may be going on.

[madmamma]

Do you want to take on your friend?
Working for friends and family can and has strained relationships that otherwise would have remained healthy.

Not saying you shouldn't, but do a post search and have a read up, you may decide against it, and at least you can be honest with your friend at this stage and give your reasons, 'I know it probably wouldn't hurt our friendship but I seriously don't want to take the risk'

[Bridey]

I would be very cautious and would definitely want to know why your friend wants to change to you ... it may be that she thinks that she will have a greater flexibility in regards to hours/fees etc and you really don't want to find yourself in that situation.

I wouldn't mention it to your minder friend.

[wendywu]

I would not do this to a friend it would be like stabbing her in the back when she has helped you out.

When she tells the other CMs she mixes what you have done with then you would blot your copy book at groups before you even start up.

Explain to your first friend that there is no way you could do that to your second friend.

And to be honest unless there is a very good reason that the mum wants to change she sounds too fickle to take on anyway.

[ziggy]

I would be very careful over this one. Excellent advice already given

[Two Princesses]

I would be wary too. I think you should find out the reasons they want to move and go from there.
Good Luck

[Demonjill]

Maybe she wants "mates rates"

Could get awkward...

I would advise against her changing unless she has valid reasons - its not worth changing if the child is settled where they are but they may not be and it may be worth checking.

Also have a think about whether you want to mix business with pleasure to mind your friends child - its not easy!!

[pinkellifun]

Thanks for the replies so far!

My friend has told me that her son always asks 'am I going to xxxx house tonight?' and when she replies yes, he says he doesn't want to go. He won't give her any more information and from what the current cm tells her, he is settled once he's there.

I can't decide whether I would want to take on friends or not. I have seen posts previously where it all went horribly wrong and I obviously don't want that to happen. But I also don't want to shoot myself in the foot as I am friends with quite a few parents here.

[Bridey]

It could be that her son is pulling a guilt trip and the last thing you want is for him to start doing that to you and making her think that he's not happy at yours either.

[pinkellifun]

It could be that her son is pulling a guilt trip and the last thing you want is for him to start doing that to you and making her think that he's not happy at yours either.

I never thought of that - thank you Bridey, at least I have something to go back to her with now.

Thanks everyone!

[mindingmummy]

I think I would be open and honest with your friend.

I would say that its common for kids to say that wherever they go as they would always prefer to be at home anyway - even if they love it at their CM's house.

I work for my best friend, and i do find it difficult. I love it because I know exactly where I stand and we have the same parenting values but I know it wouldnt work if we dissagreed on something.

I have been in a situation where someone wanted to move their child from old CM to me. It all worked out absolutely fine as I asked the parent if they minded me speaking to the other CM first to clear the air. In effect we are all collegues after all

[wendywu]

[Q

I

have been in a situation where someone wanted to move their child from old CM to me. It all worked out absolutely fine as I asked the parent if they minded me speaking to the other CM first to clear the air. In effect we are all collegues after all

[/QUOTE]

But was both the mum and the old CM close friends. Also the old CM did not put lots of her time in helping you start up in the business.

Ifs its a straight forward case of a parent changing minders and you know of the old minder well that is a different case.

[Two Princesses]

When my oldest dd was at the cm's she used to cry at drop of time, telling me she didn't want to go and generally play up. She even went so far as to say that X put her under the stairs (that's where the time out spot was)! It really made me wonder if I was doing the right thing for her. Circumstances changed and now I'm minding she keeps asking to go back to X's house! She loved the minder when she was there and all of the other children too but she wanted to stay at home with mummy and tried to guilt trip me into staying home.
FWIW She now doesn't want to go to school every morning as she says she feels ill