What would you do?

[taiwallis]

Hi there,
I will try and keep this precise.

8 mth old is dropped at 7am and then i deliver him home at 4pm. Terrible separation anxiety and if not in my line of sight at all times screams the house down. Doesn't sleep in cot, as they carry him around until he sleeps.
I have looked after him for 3 mths.

2 weeks ago i called mum to send him home with temp of 38.3. (first time he had been ill) She thought i was being unreasonable and said i should just give him calpol. I insisted he needed to go home and offered to drop him to dad (as she was working and had the car). He eventually was hospitalised with temp of 41.6 and throat infection the next day.

Came back and all fine.

Last thursday she dropped him and said that he had vomited everywhere the night before and kept her up all through the night. I explained that i couldn't have him due to my policy of sickness and diarrohea. She in no uncertain terms told me that it was food intolerance of something i had fed him and he did not have a bug. Stupidly i caved...( I know!! Silly me. Anyway he was fast alseep so i popped him in the playroom away from my children. I woke him 45 mins later to give him breakfast to find that he had an awful temperature again and screamed in pain, wouldn't take his milk or breakfast. I phoned mum and said she had to come and get him. She started shouting down the phone at me that it was my fault he was ill as he had caught it here, or at the playgroup we attend on a tuesday morning. She also accused me of food poisoning, and why should she pick him up if he had caught it from me - it was my responsiblity. (no other child in my care has been ill)

When she picked him up she blanked me - wouldn't utter a word. Just grabbed him and left.
I wrote a lovely email explaining about why we have 48 hr policy etc etc, but heard nothing.
last night wrote her another lovely email saying i hoped they had had a wonderful weekend etc etc and was he better and coming today. I got a 1 liner of "x will be attending in the morning".
When she dropped she was obviously still mad and said she had some points to discuss.
She accused me of not being able to prepare and cook food suitable for an 8 mth old as the lumps of onion were too big for him and now he is scared of eating. (SADLY i knew she was lying as i had only said he had baby pasta with tomato sauce - i cooke the jamie oliver slow roasted tomato sauce that doesn't have any onion in it)
She also accused me that that i had made her child ill by taking him to playgroup. She also accused me of stealing her suncream as it was not in her bag, last time we used it was 3 mths ago!
She also accused me of neglect as she said she could hear him screaming in the background. She went on to tell me i needed to get a back bone and refuse children if they were ill.
Today i have texted her to say that we wouldn't attend playgroup as she was so upset by it, and i had the response 'well that's your choice'.
i believe her to be slightly fragile and is having counseling but would you take it? 3 times she has now shouted at me and then dumped her child before driving off.
I charge her £4 per hour which includes all food, snacks, trips, early starts, drop off service 10 miles away etc etc...
i don't know when enough is enough... we haven't been able to go to playgroup today which is devastating for the older ones as they love it sooo much.
What do you think?

[~Chelle~]

I wouldn't let any parent talk to me like that, fragile or not.

If she even shouted at me once, I would have told her that she has 4 weeks to find someone else!

It is abuse and you should not be putting up with it. If she was so worried about you "neglecting" her child, then why is she still leaving him with you??

I am sorry she does not respect you and I wouldn't put up with it! x

[pinkellifun]

I have only just registered and do not have any children at the moment so my advice is limited.

If this was me I wouldn't tolerate being talked to like this. I would ask for an appointment for them (both mum and dad if they are together) to come and speak with me so that all greivances could be brought up and discussed and if they do not accept your answers, then maybe think about giving notice.

You know you shouldn't have caved about the 48 hour thing - never mind I'm sure I will cave once in a while too!

As for the playgroup I wouldn't stop going just for one parent, although that may be the wrong answer to some!

Hope you get some better responses than mine.

Take care

[taiwallis]

re: playgroup... i felt i cannot go against someones wishes and said that she has 4 weeks to get alternative care in place for that day....

[BucksCM]

I wouldn't be putting up with that either.
And to tell you to get a backbone and not accept ill children when she shouted and bullied you heself!! maybe she needs reminding of her own behaviour!!
Hopefully you have all the above written on an incident form?
I would be asking for a meeting to discuss this behaviour and try and sort things out...if she doesn't...well...bye

[caz3007]

So when the child starts at school it will be the schools fault if the child gets ill, cos it will, cos it wont have built up immunity.

I wouldnt stop going to playgroup for one family, but glad you have put the ball in her court so you can continue to go.

I cant believe that if she feels you are neglecting her child that she hasnt given notice.

Make sure you write down everything thats been said and get her to sign, it will cover you as sure things will go on turning more and more sour.

I would probably allow one, possibly two days when parent was stressy as life does get to you sometimes, but after that I would ask for a chat and then if things didnt change, would give notice.

Laughs at her saying you should get a backbone and refuse sick children, she shouldnt be putting you in that position in the first place.

[butterfly]

I would have her in to discuss. I would explain that the 48 hour sickness rule is for everyone and that she must abide by it. Unfortunately children will pass infections to each other and that is a necessary part of childhood which will only get worse when lo goes to school. I would also say that you will be attending the toddler/play group as that is your routine. I would basically say like it or lump it. Have you got anyone who can sit in with you to witness what is said? I would suggest covering yourself as if she's willing to lie she may make a complaint.

[BucksCM]

re: playgroup... i felt i cannot go against someones wishes and said that she has 4 weeks to get alternative care in place for that day....

But you're not going against her wishes because when you told her you weren't going, she said "well, that's your choice"
I would carry on going. You have the rest of the children to think about.

[rickysmiths]

I certainly wouldn't stop going to a playgroup on a parents say so. She must have known it was part of your routine when she signed your contract.

I would document everything she has said about you making the child ill the accusation of giving the child food poisoning. that is a very serious acusation to make and unacceptable.

I would have her in for a chat, have your incident reports and go through them with her. Maybe put her on four weeks notice unless an action plan written down and agreed and signed by her is followed to the letter. I would also do a review of Policies especially sickness and get her to sign them again so she can't say she doesn't know.

[ziggy]

Unless i was desperate for the money i would give notice

I couldnt cope with such behaviour from a parent

big hugs xx

[Kiddleywinks]

I agree with everyone else

She is out of order talking to you like that, and I'm quite sure she'd have something to say about it if you talked to her like that!

First of all I'd be doing what Rickysmiths said and documenting it, calling her in for a meeting, and go through all your paperwork, and then drafting a letter covering the points raised and the action agreed on.

With regard to the 'food poisoning' - parent can supply all meals in future!
Good move on the playgroup, if she doesn't want little one to go, she can arrange alternative care.

If she is unhappy with the care you give then she wouldn't be happy to leave LO with you and I'd be letting her know that too!

Good luck

[cs01]

Without a shadow of a doubt, I would give notice. I do not take kindly to people shouting at me, especially in my own home! I could never work with parents like this.

I would also document everything in writing as it sounds like this parent could get nasty with her false allegations.

All the best x

[uf353432]

There is clearly ALOT going on in this mums life right now, and you are at a crossroads together.

It could be that be trying to sabotage the childminding relationship it forces her to stop working? the blame would not be hers (in her head) and forces her to make a difficult decision about whether to work or not. Going back to work is incredibly difficult - she may like work but not have been prepared for being torn in such a way. Because baby is sick she might be getting grief from work/boss/colleagues about taking time off, she may not have built up enough goodwill at work yet and is worried about loosing her job because she can't be relied upon. There may be other issues that are adding stress to her life in her life - family, money, relationships etc.

ABSOLUTELY she should not be taking the stresses out on you but if you want to make the relationship work, and I think that you can (because I have a pair of rosy specs) earning her trust and getting to the root of the problem will definately be worthwhile in making the relationship work.

The wellbeing of the child depends on it, you've already mentioned the anxiety he faces - well this can't be helped if mum is anxious herself about leaving him.

I wouldn't take it personally, I think that this could have happened with any childminder or nursery - there is clearly something going on and you might be able to help and support her.

I often see my role as a childminder as part childcare and part counselling service.

[The Juggler]

i would tell her tonight that you are always open to listen to issues and concerns about how she feels you provide care but these accusations and blame for everything that happens to her little one are NOT acceptable.

She is to behave in a polite manner with you as of now or you will have no choice but to give notice.

[Little Pickles]

There is clearly ALOT going on in this mums life right now, and you are at a crossroads together.

It could be that be trying to sabotage the childminding relationship it forces her to stop working? the blame would not be hers (in her head) and forces her to make a difficult decision about whether to work or not. Going back to work is incredibly difficult - she may like work but not have been prepared for being torn in such a way. Because baby is sick she might be getting grief from work/boss/colleagues about taking time off, she may not have built up enough goodwill at work yet and is worried about loosing her job because she can't be relied upon. There may be other issues that are adding stress to her life in her life - family, money, relationships etc.

ABSOLUTELY she should not be taking the stresses out on you but if you want to make the relationship work, and I think that you can (because I have a pair of rosy specs) earning her trust and getting to the root of the problem will definately be worthwhile in making the relationship work.

The wellbeing of the child depends on it, you've already mentioned the anxiety he faces - well this can't be helped if mum is anxious herself about leaving him.

I wouldn't take it personally, I think that this could have happened with any childminder or nursery - there is clearly something going on and you might be able to help and support her.

I often see my role as a childminder as part childcare and part counselling service.

What lovely advice this is
I have nothing more to say that hasn't been said already :
* Arrange a meeting without child
* Document what is said and both sign it
* Time line for changes if needed
* Copy for her and you
* Copy of policies on sickness

Wishing you lots of luck

[Tippy Toes]

Hi there,
I will try and keep this precise.

8 mth old is dropped at 7am and then i deliver him home at 4pm. Terrible separation anxiety and if not in my line of sight at all times screams the house down. Doesn't sleep in cot, as they carry him around until he sleeps.
I have looked after him for 3 mths.

2 weeks ago i called mum to send him home with temp of 38.3. (first time he had been ill) She thought i was being unreasonable and said i should just give him calpol. I insisted he needed to go home and offered to drop him to dad (as she was working and had the car). He eventually was hospitalised with temp of 41.6 and throat infection the next day.

Came back and all fine.

Last thursday she dropped him and said that he had vomited everywhere the night before and kept her up all through the night. I explained that i couldn't have him due to my policy of sickness and diarrohea. She in no uncertain terms told me that it was food intolerance of something i had fed him and he did not have a bug. Stupidly i caved...( I know!! Silly me. Anyway he was fast alseep so i popped him in the playroom away from my children. I woke him 45 mins later to give him breakfast to find that he had an awful temperature again and screamed in pain, wouldn't take his milk or breakfast. I phoned mum and said she had to come and get him. She started shouting down the phone at me that it was my fault he was ill as he had caught it here, or at the playgroup we attend on a tuesday morning. She also accused me of food poisoning, and why should she pick him up if he had caught it from me - it was my responsiblity. (no other child in my care has been ill)

When she picked him up she blanked me - wouldn't utter a word. Just grabbed him and left.
I wrote a lovely email explaining about why we have 48 hr policy etc etc, but heard nothing.
last night wrote her another lovely email saying i hoped they had had a wonderful weekend etc etc and was he better and coming today. I got a 1 liner of "x will be attending in the morning".
When she dropped she was obviously still mad and said she had some points to discuss.
She accused me of not being able to prepare and cook food suitable for an 8 mth old as the lumps of onion were too big for him and now he is scared of eating. (SADLY i knew she was lying as i had only said he had baby pasta with tomato sauce - i cooke the jamie oliver slow roasted tomato sauce that doesn't have any onion in it)
She also accused me that that i had made her child ill by taking him to playgroup. She also accused me of stealing her suncream as it was not in her bag, last time we used it was 3 mths ago!
She also accused me of neglect as she said she could hear him screaming in the background. She went on to tell me i needed to get a back bone and refuse children if they were ill.
Today i have texted her to say that we wouldn't attend playgroup as she was so upset by it, and i had the response 'well that's your choice'.
i believe her to be slightly fragile and is having counseling but would you take it? 3 times she has now shouted at me and then dumped her child before driving off.
I charge her £4 per hour which includes all food, snacks, trips, early starts, drop off service 10 miles away etc etc...
i don't know when enough is enough... we haven't been able to go to playgroup today which is devastating for the older ones as they love it sooo much.
What do you think?

What an absolutely awful way to talk to you.

To be honest with you I would have to give her notice as if she thought that little of me why would she want to continue sending her child?? Not to mention the attitude of the woman.

Reading this has made me mad for you!

This is not acceptable, parent has no right to treat with so little respect.

If you do continue to care for the child then you need a meeting with the parent to tell her she does not talk to you that way ever again!

And dont make excuses for her, we all have our own problems, we dont go around treating people like this.

Good luck hope you get it sorted soon xx

[zippy]

You need to get rid and sharpish in my opinion. Not much else to be said I'm afraid. I would be giving notice tomorrow morning if I were you.

[taiwallis]

all done and dusted... on drop off she started again and said she didn't know how we would move forward as she doesn't 'trust me' anymore but can't pin point why. I said if she felt like that she should seek alternative care with someone she was happy with. She blurts out ' i have' and notified the relevant people with her concerns. What she is most upset about is that she does not believe that 37.9 is a temp and therefore i sholdn't have sent him home, even though he had been vomiting. I quoted nhs direct for her, but she says her doctor says otherwise. anyway - she is still sending him for the next 4 weeks as she said "you're not getting my money and not working for it"! I have written everything up, spoken to head childminding support and sent them a copy. Also stated verbally and in writing that she is not to speak in raised voices again in front of my children.
Oh and she laughed in my face in front of my children as she walked off. They were quite upset by the whole thing. Urrghhh!!

[cs01]

She doesn't trust you but would rather leave her child in your care for 4 more weeks than pay you for nothing......enough said!

Good riddance I say. There are some lovely parents out there. I just hope this doesn't knock your confidence and that you find yourself a nice new family to work with.

[AliceK]

all done and dusted... on drop off she started again and said she didn't know how we would move forward as she doesn't 'trust me' anymore but can't pin point why. I said if she felt like that she should seek alternative care with someone she was happy with. She blurts out ' i have' and notified the relevant people with her concerns. What she is most upset about is that she does not believe that 37.9 is a temp and therefore i sholdn't have sent him home, even though he had been vomiting. I quoted nhs direct for her, but she says her doctor says otherwise. anyway - she is still sending him for the next 4 weeks as she said "you're not getting my money and not working for it"! I have written everything up, spoken to head childminding support and sent them a copy. Also stated verbally and in writing that she is not to speak in raised voices again in front of my children.
Oh and she laughed in my face in front of my children as she walked off. They were quite upset by the whole thing. Urrghhh!!

What a ****.
Has she put a complaint in about you then?

I don't know what to say to you I am astounded that she could talk to you like that!!

xxx