Send child home after an "accident"?
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  1. #1
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    Default Send child home after an "accident"?

    I look after a 10 year old after school who has eneuresis (sp?)

    I have to prompt her to go to the loo, but sometimes when she arrives from school she has had an accident - or if I can't see that she has I can smell that she has.

    She used to bring spare clothes and change into them at mine (which I'm going to ask mum to go back to doing) but she doesn't like taking them to school anymore so her mum brings some round to mine and if she has an accident I get her to change.

    It is happening most days she is with me.

    Anyway, my question is, on a day like today where mum hasn't provided me with spare clothes, if she comes to me and has had an accident, or smells strongly like she has, is it acceptable for me to call mum and ask her to come and collect her?

    It happened once in the past and I gave her a pair or my jogging trousers, which did fit her, but to be honest I don't feel happy lending her my clothes, especially when she would obviously have to wear them without knickers (unless I lent her those aswell!!)

  2. #2
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    I would say yes I would phone parent , if they don't bring a change of clothes for the child then what are you supposed to do ? You cannot leave them without clean clothes on and wearing your clothes ( very kind of you ) I should imagine isn't very good for her self esteem ?
    Good luck to you and the poor girl , hope that she improves soon

  3. #3
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    I don't think it's unfair at all. Parents know she needs a change of clothes and it's not your fault if they don't provide them.

    I would speak to them, or write a letter, saying that while you are happy to work with them & support their daughter, you must be provided with at least one change of clothing every day. If they don't provide clothing you will unfortunately have no option but to phone them and ask them to collect their daughter immediately.

    Start by asking mum to leave 2 sets of clothes at your house. She could even go to a charity shop & pick up some cheap clothes specifically for you to keep at your house. WHen you send mindee home in one set, remind mum to send another. If she doesn't and you have to use the second set, remind mum that if she doesn't send more you will have to send mindee home.
    If that doesn't work, stick to your plan & phone her to come and collect her child.

    From experience, I can tell you, you only have to do that a couple of times before parents start remembering

  4. #4
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    Thanks for the replies.

    What if she just smells - is that enough to go on?

    When I ask her if she's had an accident she always says "no" even when she's obviously wet, so I can't rely on her to tell me truthfully.

    Usually if she smells I get her to change, but is this enough of a reason to send her home if she's not visibly wet?

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    Quote Originally Posted by buzzy bee View Post
    Thanks for the replies.

    What if she just smells - is that enough to go on?

    When I ask her if she's had an accident she always says "no" even when she's obviously wet, so I can't rely on her to tell me truthfully.

    Usually if she smells I get her to change, but is this enough of a reason to send her home if she's not visibly wet?
    I would assume that if she smells strongly, she must have wet at some ime during the day, so even though her clothes are dry, it might just be because they have dried out. I would say then that she needs a change of clothes, so if she doesn't have any at your house, she should go home.

    What does mum do about it? Does mindee use anything like a Tena pad? It must be awful for her at that age

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mouse View Post
    I would assume that if she smells strongly, she must have wet at some ime during the day, so even though her clothes are dry, it might just be because they have dried out. I would say then that she needs a change of clothes, so if she doesn't have any at your house, she should go home.
    I agree with Mouse, it's not pleasant for anyone and it would be awful if any of your other mindees mentioned it.

    Call mum and it may prompt her to make sure the child has spare clothes either at your house or with her in school.

    Miffy xx
    Keep smiling!

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    If she is known to have such a problem why isn't she wearing appropriate underwear ?

    There are disposable pants for problems like these that look and feel just like normal pants.

    Mum/dad really need to get her sorted out. She will be bullied mercilessly when she gets to senior school if the problem is not addressed now.

  8. #8
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    Default I'm going through the same thing now

    Hi, I really feel for you. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Even if child changes, she refuses to wash, so when she sits on any soft furnishings, then all cushion covers, sofa, sofa throw - everything - have to be washed as they smell bad. Also, think about the other (probably much younger) children having to have the smell in your setting. Not nice for them at all. So on balance, I'd say yes - absolutely justified to ask for her to be collected. Mum will soon get the message regarding the clothes as it's in her interests to work with you. I'd imagine it's really hard for her too and she's probably so relieved that you're helping her.

    Good luck. You've got a duty of care to all of the children in your care, not just one.

    Have you heard about ERIC.org.uk? It's a charity web page with loads of ideas on there for child continence. Might be an idea to ask mum to have a look? She may find something that will really help her child.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twinkles View Post
    She will be bullied mercilessly when she gets to senior school if the problem is not addressed now.
    I couldn't agree more.

    It's many, many years since I was at school, but I can still remember who the 'smelly kids' were. We were so cruel to them, it's shameful.
    I saw one of them on facebook recently and the first thing that sprang to mind was that he was smelly. And this was from primary school. As a parent I would do absolutely everything I could to stop that happening to my child.

  10. #10
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    You would think that her school would have something in place for her - it's not right if she's left in wet/soiled clothing all day - the smell must be horrendous.

    Miffy xx
    Keep smiling!

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    How about directing the parents to this website

    http://www.eric.org.uk/DaytimeWettin..._wetting_teens

  12. #12
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    Thanks for all the advice, and I'll definitely pass that website onto mum and look at it myself.

    I feel so so sorry for her, and like you say when she goes to secondary school in September I worry she will be bullied.

    The other kids I have don't seem to notice, but I definitely remember at the age of 8 having a smelly boy in our class and no one wanting to be his friend so it does surprise me that they don't.

    As far as doing anything about it, I've talked to mum numerous times and they're not really doing much. They've tried pads but apparently they're not absorbent enough. She always just says to me that it's getting better but like I said, she seems to have one most days she's with me (before she gets here).

    And yes I do worry when she's been sat on the sofa and then a little one comes along and buries their head in the sofa.

  13. #13
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    maybe providing her with wet ones that she need to put in bin not toilet, have spare knickers rather than a big change if she smells.

    have you had a chat with her, the child rather than the mum. what does she say? how does she feel?
    she may not smell it any more. My family were heavy smokers, i started to smoke when i was 11 and until i stopped smoking when i was 26 that i discover the smell of cold tabacco and realised just how much my clothes stank!!!! so if she has that smell in her nose all day she probably doesn't even know. maybe getting her in the habit to wipe each time with wipes and or wear pads? panty liners? to protect clothing....

    good luck i don't really know how i would deal with this.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by miffy View Post
    You would think that her school would have something in place for her - it's not right if she's left in wet/soiled clothing all day - the smell must be horrendous.

    Miffy xx
    Reading through this that is exactly what I was thinking. Surely she can wet and be in a position of being allowed to dry out that just isn't right.

 

 

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