Dreading mealtimes tomorrow

[Belly2009]

So my two weeks off is nearly over....

Looking forwar to having all the children back but not looking forward to meal time with one of them. Since his mum mentioned before the holidays he was refusing to eat at my house as I feed him things he dislikes (which isn't true) I've been racking my brains what to do. I've got a new lo starting tomorrow who is here till 6pm who requires an evening meal so my original plan of providing a light snack is out the window.

Anyone have any suggestions what to do?

I've sat most of the morning trying to devise a menu and have now resigned to offering fruit or yogurt as desserts. Is this acceptable? It's funny how the boy in question won't eat but suddenly want desserts when offered (which I refuse to provide if not eaten dinner within reason.)

[BucksCM]

When his mum mentioned that he was refusing to eat, did you discuss what you feed him? And did she confirm that he doesn't eat it at home? If so,cross it off the menu and discuss with her what it is he will eat and take it from there. Agree with mum likes and dislikes, and that tea should be eaten before "puddings" are offered. I don't knowingly serve food that's disliked so I expect it to be eaten. And if you really don't want it then you can't be hungry for a nice pudding!
Saying this, I'm lucky enough in the 18 years that I've been minding that I haven't personally had a fussy/non eater. I have a total menu list that I share with new starters and discuss with parents if there is anything that the children won't eat/can't eat etc and plan my menus accordingly. There have been times when a child hasn't told me that they don't like something...eaten it slowly and then told me in front of mum when she arrived! I just turned round and said, ok, but you didn't tell me and you still ate it!. Then in front of mum have said that the child must tell me if they don't like something.
I have had cm friends who've had children refuse to eat and then say"it's ok 'cos mum will give me something at home"! In that case i would ask the parents what they'd like to do...let me feed the child as agreed or pick up before tea and take them home to feed them!
I've also had children who, half way through the meal will just stop eating...because they are tired of eating! I play the "bet you can't eat any more?" or "please don't eat more, no, really, no more" games...you know...reverse phycology!! Works nearly every time...especially with boys!

[The Juggler]

I'd phone mum and ask her what are his likes and then base his meals around that (within healthy eating guidelines

Then if he doesn't eat it she cannot complain

[CH1957]

I had LO 12 months who mum said couldnt have anything to eat with lumps in it, it must be pureed or he would choke! He happily sat there with the others and ate a sandwich, he also drank water when mum said he has to have squash! Depends on the age I suppose but mine usually eat whats put in front of them with no fuss.
Unless they have allergies I dont pander to fussy eating, they have what the others are having.

[BucksCM]

I had LO 12 months who mum said couldnt have anything to eat with lumps in it, it must be pureed or he would choke! He happily sat there with the others and ate a sandwich, he also drank water when mum said he has to have squash! Depends on the age I suppose but mine usually eat whats put in front of them with no fuss.
Unless they have allergies I dont pander to fussy eating, they have what the others are having.

Yep!! Same in my house!

The children will often eat things here that they wouldn't at home.
Weaning babies need to practice!! and sometimes we need to help mums understand this...that their lo won't choke as such, it is just a reflex as they aren't used to lumps yet.

[Belly2009]

Thanks for all your messages.

Unfortuantely, the LO is trying it on. His dad has said he can eat with them when he gets home (better for me - less worrying) but mum wont budge. Its too much of an inconvenience to make her LO dinner when he gets home.

He is 6 years old, has school dinners and up until recently has never had a problem eating what I cooked (eg sausage beans and mash). The turning point was when I made shepherds pie. He ate it with no problem and then the next day started the "my throats huring, my tummys hurting" type of games.

Ive spoken with the mum and she is nothing but unhelpful. Ive explained that i will not be preparing 3 or 4 different meals and she needs to decide whether she wants me to feed him or she wants too. (Ive found out that she has fed him when he has got home - despite telling me she wouldnt)

Just feel like im in a no win situation. He just makes constant excuses. Ive tried asking him what he wants to eat and when I make it he sits there and says I dont want this.

sometimes feel like pulling my hair out - not great when he is my first mindee.

:-(

[BucksCM]

Thanks for all your messages.

Unfortuantely, the LO is trying it on. His dad has said he can eat with them when he gets home (better for me - less worrying) but mum wont budge. Its too much of an inconvenience to make her LO dinner when he gets home.

He is 6 years old, has school dinners and up until recently has never had a problem eating what I cooked (eg sausage beans and mash). The turning point was when I made shepherds pie. He ate it with no problem and then the next day started the "my throats huring, my tummys hurting" type of games.

Ive spoken with the mum and she is nothing but unhelpful. Ive explained that i will not be preparing 3 or 4 different meals and she needs to decide whether she wants me to feed him or she wants too. (Ive found out that she has fed him when he has got home - despite telling me she wouldnt)

Just feel like im in a no win situation. He just makes constant excuses. Ive tried asking him what he wants to eat and when I make it he sits there and says I dont want this.

sometimes feel like pulling my hair out - not great when he is my first mindee.

:-(

He's also trying it on with you too. And he's realising that he's in control.
Don't ask him, just give him his food and if he doesn't eat it...tough...mum can feed him at home.
Seems like mum and dad need to be more consistant too, as lo has obviously got them sussed too!!
How about noting it as an incident and asking mum to sign. That way you've got it down that he's refusing food (even when given the choice of what he wants) Not quite sure what wording to use but just document what happening?

[Ali56]

If he's trying it on the definately don't humour him! I provide a menu for my parents to see, I try to work round everyones likes and dislikes as much as I can, but I cook one meal and all are expected to have a reasonable go at it. I know which ones are fussy etc and will put only a small amount on the plate. I like children to have the achievement of clearing their plates, receiving praise for their efforts and being able to ask for more if they want it!
I also don't give pud to those who refuse to try! Pudding is a treat, not a given and has to at least be earned a little bit! The Parents agree with me too, which helps. 6yr olds are very clever, I'd def try to nip it in the bud now.
That said, I'd put a small meal in front of him and if he eats he gets dessert, if not, well you can't force him can you? Parents need to decide between them where he eats and tell him. If they decide he eats at yours then they need to not feed him again at home. He'll soon decide to eat! If parents can't agree, it makes it impossible for you. (and confusing for the lad, shame on them.)

[onceinabluemoon]

Thanks for all your messages.

Unfortuantely, the LO is trying it on. His dad has said he can eat with them when he gets home (better for me - less worrying) but mum wont budge. Its too much of an inconvenience to make her LO dinner when he gets home.

He is 6 years old, has school dinners and up until recently has never had a problem eating what I cooked (eg sausage beans and mash). The turning point was when I made shepherds pie. He ate it with no problem and then the next day started the "my throats huring, my tummys hurting" type of games.

Ive spoken with the mum and she is nothing but unhelpful. Ive explained that i will not be preparing 3 or 4 different meals and she needs to decide whether she wants me to feed him or she wants too. (Ive found out that she has fed him when he has got home - despite telling me she wouldnt)

Just feel like im in a no win situation. He just makes constant excuses. Ive tried asking him what he wants to eat and when I make it he sits there and says I dont want this.

sometimes feel like pulling my hair out - not great when he is my first mindee.

:-(

Oh boy, what a little tinker! Firstly I suppose you have already gone the 'is something bothering him' route, checked he isn't being bullied etc? Is he being controlled a lot elsewhere and sees this as something he can control? Or is he just being a little toad...

I'm afraid I would be telling mum that he'll have to eat at home from now on.

[blue bear]

Think I'd be serving up in serving dishes and help children to select, wouldn't make him choose if he says no, just let him sit at the table with everyone else. He has taken control, you can't force him to eat so don't make a drama of it just let parents know on pick up.

[funemnx]

I gave up cooking meals in the evenings - it's ok to plan a meal around 1 child who's fussy but impossible when there are 5 children with different tastes who all need a meal!

All I ever got was," but I don't like chicken/peas/brocolli/pasta/rice" the list was endless!

[debratina]

hi
if the lo has had a school dinner cant you give him a sandwich tea justb to make things easier for you. i have a lo that has school dinners and all she has at mine is tomato soup while the others have a main meal.
hope that helps
Debra

[stargazer1]

Oh how awkward! If he is having school dinners, why not try explaining to Mum that the school only offers one option for dinner and you operate on the same basis. If he is not going to eat what you offer, then can you suggest that she sends a packed tea for him, where she can send what she would like him to eat? Would be interesting to see what he actually does get fed at tea time. And would take the pressure off of you a bit. I had a meeting with a parent the other day who will be sending their LO to me as soon as my registration paperwork arrives, he will be having lunch with me so I asked if he had any likes/dislikes. SHe said he always has a cooked meal at lunch time and loves beef, potato and all veg. Spent all evening feeling that I need to cook a meat and two veg every day (basically meaning I would spend all morning in the kitchen) when really I just need to say it how it is, that some days they will have a hot lunch, sometimes it will be sandwiches/toasties etc. Hope you get it sorted xx

[Bridey]

I feed up to 8 children a night - never have a problem. I never serve them what they HATE (they all know I hate mushrooms ... evil!) but they are also aware that sometimes they have to eat something that isn't their favourite.

If I have a child who is definitely 'messing me about' (as opposed to under the weather etc) I've found walloping a huge homemade chocolate cake (pudding for if you've eaten your dinner to my satisfaction) into the middle of the table during dinner works wonders!

Reading them the Bartholomew bear book Eat Your Dinner! also gets the message across

If he continues this behaviour then just serve the dinner and ignore the fact he isn't eating it. Mum can feed him again at home. We have to sometimes understand that these children are away from those they love for many hours a day and sometimes they are going to do this sort of thing. He may actually WANT to eat with mum rather than be excluded from dinner once he gets home. A lot of children I've looked after eat twice for this very reason.

[stargazer1]

[QUOTE=Bridey;1084848]I feed up to 8 children a night - never have a problem. I never serve them what they HATE (they all know I hate mushrooms ... evil!) but they are also aware that sometimes they have to eat something that isn't their favourite.

If I have a child who is definitely 'messing me about' (as opposed to under the weather etc) I've found walloping a huge homemade chocolate cake (pudding for if you've eaten your dinner to my satisfaction) into the middle of the table during dinner works wonders!

Reading them the Bartholomew bear book Eat Your Dinner! also gets the message across

If he continues this behaviour then just serve the dinner and ignore the fact he isn't eating it. Mum can feed him again at home. We have to sometimes understand that these children are away from those they love for many hours a day and sometimes they are going to do this sort of thing. He may actually WANT to eat with mum rather than be excluded from dinner once he gets home. A lot of children I've looked after eat twice for this very reason.[/QUOTE]

How interesting! And I totally agree. It occurs to me often as Ive been getting all my policies and paperwork together that some of these children will be spending more waking hours a week with us than with their parents. And I cant help but feel a bit saddened by it