older child

[lilsteff]

i look after a 12 yr old child, and she is a rather typical teenager in the making, *****mind 2 younger children who are 3 yrs old and alot of my attention goes to them- which she doesnt like, she throws strops if the attention is not on her as looking after the 3yr old is rather demanding at times as all kids are. sometimes when she takes her strops she wont talk to me, she shouts at the younger children and only this morning she kicked my cat up the bum cos she got her breakfast last, i can only give 2 children breakfast at a time as it makes it easier.

her mother has messed me about with meals too one week she wanted her on hot dinners then she wanted her on just a snack and this haopoened for ages until i said stop messing me about make up your mind its either snack or hot meals, her mother then trew a strop and wouldnt talk to me for 4 days. (its the same oif i disagree with something and she agrees with something the mother goes in a strop and doesnt speak to me for days, one instance of this was when she didnt pick her child up until 6.35pm i shut at 6pm and i chargered her for being late and she went in a strop, i explained that i have a long day working from 5.45am til 6pm and once 65pm comes i want some 'me' time.

the most recent problem is that she arrives and goes to and from school independtly, the other day she opened the door (she got the keys out of my bag) to go to school without telling me, she didnt say anything to me that she was going i was on the toilet at the time, luckly i didnt have any younger children at the time, i told her mother what she did and i said it was unacceptable and she didnt even back me up saying that it was dangerous etc etc. her mum keeps asking me to talk about puberty and periods with her (as she always tired and ratty and comlaining of tummy pains) but i dont feel that its my place to do so.

[Daftbat]

Hi,

I sympathise. Firstly it is not your role to talk to her about her periods etc. I have looked after several older children including one who i think is about to start hers. I would be prepared to speak to her but only because i know her mother would also be doing it - but again i would not think its my responsibility. I have made older girls aware that i am happy for them to come to me and shown them where i keep sanitary towels etc. but thats as far as i normally go.

Although we go on about hormones in teenagers it is not an excuse for basic bad behaviour which is what this girl shows - its obvious she gets it from her mum judging by what you have said about her behaviour too. You need to lay the law down and tell the girl that you have other responsibilities and the younger children come first. Make her understand that if she shows patience then you will as soon as opportunity arises be prepared to give her some time one to one - perhaps she likes baking or would like to just sit down and talk to you. I have often given older children responsibilities which they tend to like e.g. helping prepare food, getting toys or equipment out, writing a menu plan for the next week or activities for holidays etc.

The real problem here i think is the mother. Hopefully you can manage to get some change in the girl but be prepared for no change from mum i am afraid.

I really hope that you get through to her - your stress levels must be high. Keep your chin up

[amirose]

My half-sister is eleven and wouldn't dream of behaving like this
She sounds very spoilt and immature to me. I deal with Megan (my half-sister) by saying she is helping me (instead of being minded). She helps sort our meals and helps getting them ready etc.
Its not your job to talk to her about periods though I agree that if you have a good relationship with another adult other than your mum it can be easier for a girl to talk about this sort of thing. Megan talks to me very openly and loves the fact I will answer anything. Her mum has a very open policy with her - if you mature enough to ask the question your mature enough to hear the answer.
I would also add my step-mum would knock seven bells out of her if I told her Megan had been behaving like this

[sarah707]

Don't forget if a child in the older years group is adversely affecting younger children's care you are legally obliged to put the little ones first.

A child opening doors without telling you is a risk to everyone in the house - thank goodness nobody was hurt.

A child behaving like that is not good for younger ones.

You need to reassess this child's care urgently with parents... no point mother sulking, she needs to talk to you! NOW!

[haribo]

if someone kicked my cat im sorry they would be out the door pronto. at 12 yrs she should know better . seriously , thats not acceptable behaviour and i would have to sit down with her and mum and explain if that happened again i would give notice.

[lilsteff]

i said to her mother that it was totally unacceptable opening the door adn that anything cud have happened and she didnt seem bothered!

as for kicking my cat this morning the poor thing is still in hiding so i dont know if hes ok or not

[lilsteff]

i try to get her to help with things meals, getting stuff out etc but she wont.
the other day one of the kids (a 3 yr old) was playing on the wii and he turned it off cos he was finished with it and she sat and looked at the tv (when i was turned off for a hour and 20 mins) she refuised 2 do anything, she said she just wanted to sit

[amirose]

i try to get her to help with things meals, getting stuff out etc but she wont.
the other day one of the kids (a 3 yr old) was playing on the wii and he turned it off cos he was finished with it and she sat and looked at the tv (when i was turned off for a hour and 20 mins) she refuised 2 do anything, she said she just wanted to sit

Notice, Notice NOTICE!!!

No way would I put up with that, let her be a little madam somewhere else

I hope the poor cat is OK get him something tasty from the fridge to coax him out

[huggableshelly]

time to give notice she is putting your younger mindees in danger.

i presume this is the same family that you discussed in your other post regarding weekends. you do not need mindees and parents like that showing you no respect.

you have good reason to give notice dont back down to begging either once you decide to give notice stick to it.

[wendywu]

I am sorry but any one who kicked my cat would be out on their ear.

Also i would explain to the mother that its no wonder her daughter acts the way she does when she has the mothers as an example to follow.

[lilsteff]

well she came back to my house and i blasted her about kicking my cat which hasnt even emerged since she left at 8.15am this morning. she said it was cos he was tryting to bite her shoes which was rather unlikely since she had them on her feet!!!

i gave her the 'snack' that she has for tea and then had the cheek to ask for some chocolate cake that the younger kids made this afternoon for pudding, when i said she was talking to herself under her breath and now wont speak to me, this is after i told her that she was on snack and didnt get pudding!!!



if its not one thing with this kid its a ****** another!!! i have a few dauys off next week and no doubt i will be given the guot treatment for it too!!!

[Ripeberry]

Like mother like daughter! What on earth is she like with the teachers at school? Why does a 12yr old need a childminder (no offence) but at that age i used to look after my brother who was 8yrs old. Now i know why most childminders don't cover children over 10yrs old.
Seriously, if she continues to be nasty to the other children and your pets then you need to give notice and get yourself a nicer child and parent
Do you have an over 8's policy? Make sure the child and the parent read it again.

[Daftbat]

Doesn't sound like she is open to compromise at all and wants it her way or no way!

If you are happy that you have tried everything i would give notice. Its not worth the upset. At the very least give notice OF giving notice, iykwim?

Good luck

[lilsteff]

well i said to her mam i felt she didnt really need to come to a childminder but her mother insisted i took her, (i had a key wen i was 10 and used to look after my lil brother who was 6 at the time)

my oevr 8's [policy was updated last week which she supposly read and signed (I HAVE IT FILED IN HER FLIE)

her mother was off fri, sat and sun last week and she txtred me saying she cudnt cope with her behaviour (her mother cliams its so she is getting her period which i should talk to her about) and wanted me to take her for a few hours, i just said sorry no way im in newcastle having some me time. what a loody cheek!

im gonna go nuts i she dun summit to my cat!!!!

[Daftbat]

EVEN IF she is getting ready to start her periods it is no excuse for bad behaviour. My eldest is 15 and i have never let her get away with anything just because of hormones. Tell her mum that and just say you are not preparede to accept it anymore for her OR HER MUM!

[haribo]

have you checked your cat over yet? hope its ok i would seriously lose my rag if someone hurt mine. cruelty to animals by kids can be a sign of serious problems

[Ripeberry]

That mother can't be serious! No wonder the child is acting up, if her mum is too scared to deal with her Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall at their house?

[lilsteff]

no charlie (cat) hasnt come out of hiding yet and i cant find him, i know he's in the house but i dunno were, i even made him some sardines upo which are his fav n they nt been touch =(

[haribo]

is he normally like that? i mean does he hide away? if not i would be worried he may be injured - if he doesnt venture out when the house goes quiet there may be some injury poor thing. how hard did she kick , did you see ?

[lilsteff]

I WOULD LOVE TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL AT HER HOUSE, THE CHILD HASNT EVEN HAD A BARBIE DOLL IN HER LIFE OR DOLLS AND PRAMS! APPARENTLY THEY ARE A BAD INFLUENCE ON CHILDREN