feeling a bit shaken

[newandlearning]

normally I drop off one mindee to a school everyother week so he can spend
weekend with dad.. last week when I did this I asked the dad if he would mind
picking up from my house next week as I've got 5 LOs and can't get everyone in car .. (I've got cover for my own LOs on 3 out of 4 days) and as the dad has to drive right by my road to get to the school I thought I'd ask if he would be happy to do this. Last week the mum kept saying I'm too busy can't talk so I thought by asking dad if this could be ok for him .. that I'd was sorta being helpful .. I've just told mum .. that next week its a bit tricky for me to drop off and as he goes by my road had asked the dad if this was ok and she just told me I shouldnt have asked him anything and should have sorted everything through her.. .. I said that I was just trying to see if this was a possibility for him and that of course I would have left her to organise everything re giving my address etc.. she was totally unhappy and felt I was going behind her back.. I sincerely was trying to be helpful. I now feel totally shaken that she got so 'off' with me .. how was I know I wasn't meant to talk to the dad.. I thought I could talk to dad.

[wendywu]

You have to get your week sorted, if she is too busy to talk to you then it is only normal that you would ask the dad. Tell her that your relationship with her means that you both have to make time for each other regarding her child.

[Helen79]

Does dad already know your address? Could there be contact issues between them?
If everythings fine then I can't see the problem with you asking dad & mentioned it to mum aswell. There's no point in arranging it with mum if the dad isn't actually able to pick up from you house.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

If the contract is with both parents then what is her problem? There may be problems that you are unaware of and that is why she was unhappy.

You need to send her a text next time if she is "too busy" to talk and ask her and then you will be covered.

Little things like this should be sorted out at the signing of contracts.

Use it as a learning curve. I bet mum is apologetic when she has had time to think about it.

[beckyteddy]

If you had not been told previously that "you should not talk to the dad" why on earth would you HAVE to organise everything via the mum?

You were re-arranging the DADS collection so you quite rightly spoke to him about the details.

I think she has over reacted for some other reason, ie. feeling out of control when it's Dads collection day not hers. Don't let her make you feel bad, you did what you thought was right and what I probaby would have done too.

If they both have Parental Responsibilty then you are within your right to speak to the Dad about anything regarding the childs care, especially details about where he can pick his child up from!!

[newandlearning]

our contracts were signed with the mum as they are separated.. but I've not been told of the parental dynamics of their relationship and anything.. mum says they are both ok with each other now .. hmm.. I was just trying to test the waters with the dad about changing the pickup and would have left any formal arranging to the mum.. I think its upset me because I have spent months organising my setting so that these two mindees feel valued in my setting.. I have pics. up of their family and friends .. I've bought things to celebrate their uniqueness .. bought caps to protect them from sun, brush their teeth, buy swim nappies so they can paddle etcetc .. and then get told off (in a way) and get asked if I'm gonna reimburse the drop off cost .. it feels really odd when I pay for all their outings, ice creams etc etc.. ..

currently feeling sad and not valued.x

[Helen79]

What a shame some parents can't see how much we try to help them out.
I would refund the drop off cost though as it's you who is changing the arrangements.
I had to change arrangements this morning at short notice so mindee was dropped off 15mins late, because it was me who changed the drop off place, I'm taking 15mins fee off their bill. It's only £1 but if parents ever argue about late collection fees I can be seen as being fair.

[Roseolivia]

our contracts were signed with the mum as they are separated.. but I've not been told of the parental dynamics of their relationship and anything.. mum says they are both ok with each other now .. hmm.. I was just trying to test the waters with the dad about changing the pickup and would have left any formal arranging to the mum.. I think its upset me because I have spent months organising my setting so that these two mindees feel valued in my setting.. I have pics. up of their family and friends .. I've bought things to celebrate their uniqueness .. bought caps to protect them from sun, brush their teeth, buy swim nappies so they can paddle etcetc .. and then get told off (in a way) and get asked if I'm gonna reimburse the drop off cost .. it feels really odd when I pay for all their outings, ice creams etc etc.. ..

currently feeling sad and not valued.x

Don't let it upset you, it sounds like you bend over backwards for this parent anyway. Maybe you should stop paying for outings for the mindee see what the mother has to say then. If she went to a nursery she wouldn't get all the 'extras' that you provide. Just try to forget about her, she's probably having a bad day.

[mabel]

I would not worry....
I do have things like this in my contract and always ask questions about parental care/issues when i first meet so I have the picture clear

You did nothing wrong

[Twinkles]

Yes refund the drop off fee and then do a bill for ; swim nappies,outings, ice cream etc.

[Tatjana]

I think it's more relationship issues between them than anything to do with you, try and put it behind you.

xx