how do you deal with this type of behaviour?

**newandlearning** · 11-03-2010, 05:15 PM

hi.. I look after 5 LOs after school and find one particularly challenging...
on top of this my own 4yo seems to aspire to be just like him

today we've had kicking, punching, elbowing a child in the face, kicking the
trucks in the garden, climbing on walls .. throwing balls over fence. trying to hit a ball in a face of a child. not being kind to the littlies. .. shouting in garden, running in house ... and I can't believe it but hitting my dog with a stuffed toy

and bear in mine this is an after school child.. normally this child is always a bit like this but can't believe half of what he's done today...

we've had lots of 2 min. quiet times, we've gone through house rules .. I'm feeling a bit stressed.

has anyone else got this type of behaviour.. I have all boys .. is this why?

you know what I find a bit upsetting is my own 2yo then mimics this behaviour and starts hurting another child coz he thinks its ok.

**youarewhatyoueat** · 11-03-2010, 05:59 PM

I'm not going to be helpful, sorry. But I would give notice, been there myself and the minute my own children are affected thats it for me.
You have the whole summer ahead of outdoor play, either get them to sit down and make a few rules that everyone can agree to stick to, or have a huge box of resources to keep them busy. Try having things like sheets, clothes pegs, rope, boxes, planks of wood etc that they could build a den or make a pirate ship.

**wendywu** · 11-03-2010, 06:05 PM

I would inform him in front of his mum that he will get one chance and one chance only per day. If he puts any of the other mindees in danger of harm he will have to sit and read a book or watch a DVD on his own and not be allowed to mix. Oh and make the DVD a really boring one for him

**mushpea** · 11-03-2010, 06:34 PM

I would put him in time out for much longer, ban things that he likes , mine hate not being allowed on the wii so i use this,
I am finding my sons behaviour hard at the moment , he is being bullied at school and takin it out on the 6ryold mindee who winds him up, the last 2 days i have been much tougher on them and either banned them from things they like or sat them down in which ever room i am in and told them that they will have to follow me around untill i can trust them to behave, seems to be working so far.
Is there a particular activity you can engage him in that he likes? maybe a 'grownup' job to occupy him? i would also explain that he should be have beter as he is teaching the younger ones bad habbits and ask him if he can teach them good behaviour instead.
i would also talk to his parents about his behaviour infront of him

**upadaisy** · 11-03-2010, 06:57 PM

HI

BEEN THERE & ITS NOT NICE

TALK TO PARENT AND EXPLAIN WHAT IS HAPPENING AND THE AFFECT IT IS HAVING ON THE OTHER CHILDREN THERE COULD BE A UNDERLYING PROBLEM THAT COULD BE EASILY SORTED......

OR TELL THE PARENT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO SEE HOW THINGS GO IN THE NEXT 4 WEEKS AND IF NO CHANGE IN BEHAVIOUR THESE 4 WEEKS WILL BE YOUR NOTICE

IF YOU FEEL YOU CANT TALK TO PARENT FACE TO FACE PUT IT IN WRITING AND ADD ON LETTER YOU DID NOT WANT TO TAKE IT UP WITH THEM IN FRONT OF THE OTHER CHILDREN OR CHILD IN QUESTION IN CASE THAT OTHER PARENTS MAY WALK IN ON THE CONVERSATION AND THAT YOU COULD NOT SPARE THE TIME TO TALK IN THE EVENINGS AS OTHER CHILDREN NEED MINDED......

**newandlearning** · 12-03-2010, 01:50 PM

thanks ladies for the replies... yesterday has left me very tired today.. I hope today after school is better

**angeldelight** · 12-03-2010, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by newandlearning

thanks ladies for the replies... yesterday has left me very tired today.. I hope today after school is better

Good luck for today hope its better

Angel xx

**helenlc** · 12-03-2010, 04:02 PM

I have had a disruptive child - he was younger at 3 but equally full on.

In the end I gave notice and everyone - myself, my children and other mindees - were much happier, relaxed and better off for it.

I had to hold onto this one for longer than I wanted due to financial reasons ie he was my only mindee. Would it dent your income much to be down one child's money?

Let me tell you the relief when you know he is not coming back is amazing. I felt awful saying that when I first did it. I have worked with children for 15 yrs and never had one like this in my care. But I can honestly say we are all better off without him here.

Even having 3 under 2 was easier than this one child on his own!!!

**newandlearning** · 12-03-2010, 06:04 PM

well now its 6pm on Friday.. and I'm ready to fall into bed.. I've not been able to leave the kids alone for 5 mins without a lot of rough play.. I don't even know what to focus on first... everything I ask seems to be ignored and I can't wholly take the mindee to one side all the time as sometimes my own 4yo is acting like a child possessed....

my 2yo for the second night running hasnt eaten dinner as the mindee hasnt so.. tonight he's going to be with no top up food before bed.. he's basically not eaten because the mindee didnt want his food.. my own 4yo did eat..

I hear what you are saying Helen.. and I think I'm going to try and focus on encouraging the benefits of following the house rules and the implications of not following (which are doing boring things with me??)).. even this could lead the child to then think I'm boring and focus on the others more don't you think?
possibly engaging him in things he likes and playing with him could dissipate the situation...

what do you think ?xx

jumpinjen · 13-03-2010, 07:13 AM

Could you introduce some very physical play that is new for them..... find a patch of ground that they could dig up ready for veg?? Spend the weekend collecting bread crates, milk crates, ropes, trapaulins, jumbo pegs etc and challenge them to den build? See if there is a factory that uses wooden pallets that would let you have the offcuts/broken ones and tale the chunky bits of wood out of the middle then cut them up into brick sized pieces for outdoor construction? Maybe a bit of re-direction might work.... but I have never had a big bunch of boys so I might be being all fluffy and idealistic here!! Hope you have a good weekend xx

jenni

**angeldelight** · 13-03-2010, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by newandlearning

well now its 6pm on Friday.. and I'm ready to fall into bed.. I've not been able to leave the kids alone for 5 mins without a lot of rough play.. I don't even know what to focus on first... everything I ask seems to be ignored and I can't wholly take the mindee to one side all the time as sometimes my own 4yo is acting like a child possessed....

my 2yo for the second night running hasnt eaten dinner as the mindee hasnt so.. tonight he's going to be with no top up food before bed.. he's basically not eaten because the mindee didnt want his food.. my own 4yo did eat..

I hear what you are saying Helen.. and I think I'm going to try and focus on encouraging the benefits of following the house rules and the implications of not following (which are doing boring things with me??)).. even this could lead the child to then think I'm boring and focus on the others more don't you think?
possibly engaging him in things he likes and playing with him could dissipate the situation...

what do you think ?xx

I think you need a nice relaxing weekend - hope you get one

Angel xx