saying thankyou

[candy cat]

I have mindee who from 9 mths and could say 'ta' for snacks etc..........roll on 11 months (she is 20 mths) she now refuses to say anything,turns her head and refuses! My policies in my household are good manners etc and if my own children didn't say please thankyou they would go without! Now spoke to mum and she says she refuses to do it at home,but she gives in and says 'does it really matter?'...well in my house 'yes' it does!! I have had babies that at an early age have spotted the breadsticks and have made a sound to say thankyou....my problem is at toddlers this mindee has tempers that are un believable so at snack time when i have refused to give her a biscuit as she as refused to say thankyou she goes into one....all the parents look at me as if i am so mean would you all just give in or am i doing the right thing......any tips gratefully recieved.

[sarah707]

If you back any child into a corner s/he is not going to react well to it. It works the same for 'say sorry'.

The best thing to do is to take the pressure off... especially with an 11 month old who is still a baby!

And if you're not getting backing from parents / family then to be honest I think you're fighting a losing battle.

I hand things over, smile and say 'thank you'... and eventually the children say it back. It might not happen until they are 2 or older depending on what goes on at home but that's fine they are still learning.

Hth

[candy cat]

thanks sarah but,sorry didn't make it clear she is 20 mths.....she just tries to snatch and says 'no' when you ask her to say thankyou.

[birch24]

Hiya

I would just say thank you before handing the item to the child wait for a few seconds and then give it to her, she will soon pick it up. It just takes some longer than others. I don't think she means to be rude. They need to learn what we expect of them and it takes time. especially if mum and dad have different rules she may be confused.

[merry]

thanks sarah but,sorry didn't make it clear she is 20 mths.....she just tries to snatch and says 'no' when you ask her to say thankyou.

20 months is still very young, I would do the same as Sarah and take the pressure off, just hand her whatever it is, smile and say thank you, they do learn to say it back. It's not giving in, it's helping the child to learn and develop at their own pace.

[snufflepuff]

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I think you are expecting a bit too much. 20 months is still very young. Some children at that age have only a handful of works, and thank you is quite hard to say!

[onceinabluemoon]

From what you've said it sounds as if she's more than capable but just refuses?

[Rmead]

I have a 20 month mindee and he is just starting to say "thank you" it is pretty hard to say, he says tat you. He still doesn't say it always, if he doesn't I just say it and he tends to repeat me, if he doesn't I just leave it. Although I do stop snatching/take away whatever was being snatched.

[candy cat]

From what you've said it sounds as if she's more than capable but just refuses?

yes she was saying 'ta' but now refuses to say it.......mum as even admitted she is being naughty.....I appreciate she is only 20 mths, but she was saying it at 9 mths,but the last few weeks refuses.

[nokidshere]

yes she was saying 'ta' but now refuses to say it.......mum as even admitted she is being naughty.....I appreciate she is only 20 mths, but she was saying it at 9 mths,but the last few weeks refuses.

She is not being naughty, she is just learning. We can all be stubborn when someone is "making" us do something - even as adults.

I do the same as the others - hand the item over and say thank you out loud as they are taking it - eventually they start saying it back without being prompted. You want them to learn that its polite not that they have to repeat something by rote because its expected.

Witholding something until a child says thank you is - imo - being controlling. Teaching manners is about them learning social skills, not about an adult being right. And again, in my experience, the majority of children need prompting sometimes to remember ther manners, whatever their age.

[wellybelly]

Thinking along the inclusion lines, there could be a number of reasons why she's not saying "Thank you". She may some communication problems or not be able to understand the concept yet of please and thank you. At home too, this may not be normal practice. I think as long as you're saying it to her at every opportunity in a positive way eventually it will click, but she's still very young.

[onceinabluemoon]

Ok.. I realise I'm throwing myself on the pyre here a bit but I have the same rules: If a child, who is capable, does not say thank you/ ta /(insert word of choice) they do not get. Please note I am not talking about young babies/toddlers who are not capable.

Simple really, I will not tolerate bad manners here, not from me, not from my own children, not from minded children, and not from their parents. It's even one of my house rules so everybody understands it right from the start. As a result everybody here from the young toddlers to the adults all have excellent manners and have been commended for them by members of the public on many occasions.

As for control: There have to be some rules and this is one of mine. Similarly I do not allow a child choice of whether they bite or hit their friends/peers or run around when they should be eating their dinner. We all control the children at some point in the day, just some people have different ideas of which behaviours to control than others.

[candy cat]

Ok.. I realise I'm throwing myself on the pyre here a bit but I have the same rules: If a child, who is capable, does not say thank you/ ta /(insert word of choice) they do not get. Please note I am not talking about young babies/toddlers who are not capable.

Simple really, I will not tolerate bad manners here, not from me, not from my own children, not from minded children, and not from their parents. It's even one of my house rules so everybody understands it right from the start. As a result everybody here from the young toddlers to the adults all have excellent manners and have been commended for them by members of the public on many occasions.

As for control: There have to be some rules and this is one of mine. Similarly I do not allow a child choice of whether they bite or hit their friends/peers or run around when they should be eating their dinner. We all control the children at some point in the day, just some people have different ideas of which behaviours to control than others.

Thanks just was getting the feeling I was the meanest,harshest childminder ..........for the record this child has excellent vocab and was saying 'ta' then 'thankyou' but now refuses to say it along with many other things......I have worked with children for over 20 years and some with communication problems. All the other children in my care from the moment they can make a sound have always acknowledged snack times etc,whether it be a smile,sound,'ta' 'thankyou' and obviously if the babies/toddlers haven't said it, I understand they will eventually.

I appreciate everyones views on this subject and I will work hard to promote good manners in all the children in my care.

[jane5]

I pick my battles with the lo's

If it involved hurting another child then I would defiantly insist on the behaviour stopping but manners are learnt and at 20 months I don't think she understands what manners are.
She will know to say please and thankyou, parrot fashion to get something and is now at an age when she is questioning authority and this is very normal behaviour.

I would continue to say please and thankyou and smile as you give her the biscuit to encourage her but you are getting into a battle of wills with her and not showing her the correct way to behave. you are being just as stubborn by not giving in untill she says thankyou and she is rebeling against this.

If it was an older child who understood what manners were I would insist but not with a child who is not yet 2.