An odd problem. .

**jadavi** · 16-10-2011, 06:07 PM

My sleepover kids mum has started asking for a lift to our house when I pick up her son - they have no car- and she wants to hang around at our house till her shift starts nearby. I get the 5 y o boy early as it seems 9 is too late for him to go down. My prob is I don't wanna have to make chat for an hour until her shift starts . . Have gone round in circles about this as dont want to upset her but need to come up with something before it gets the norm . . 3 to 5 times a week.
Any thoughtful suggestions?
Ja x

**wendywu** · 16-10-2011, 06:32 PM

Just say that you are not insured for it, or Ofsted would not allow it, or your DH is not happy about it.

Or just pick them both up at 9 and he will have to go straight to bed.
Or she goes into work early and hangs around there.

Some people have such a cheek.

OR you could dump her with a load of ironing each night she comes, or get her to put the hoover round

**jadavi** · 16-10-2011, 06:37 PM

Haha thank you! I was gonna say something like it's not professional but that sounds so stuffy and we are kinda friends ish as she's my first client and we've had a lot of stuff to work out together with tax credit etc . would anyone else object to this situ? It's just not part of my services!

**wendywu** · 16-10-2011, 06:42 PM

I would not like it as a regular. You are entitled to have some down time for yourself.

You cannot sit in your PJs on the sofa munching chocolates if she is there. If she does not go until 9 then that is a big part of the evening gone.

Tell her you have at least 1 hour of paperwork to do in an evening and you are too tired to do it after she has gone.

**Goatgirl** · 16-10-2011, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by wendywu

Or just pick them both up at 9 and he will have to go straight to bed.
Or she goes into work early and hangs around there.

Agree with these options. I'd just say you're sorry but you feel it would restrict your evenings too much.

Good luck
Wendy

**The Juggler** · 16-10-2011, 08:19 PM

good advice already honey. if she's a kind of friend. be honest. tell her you work all day and whilst you love her company that you need your evening 'downtime'. Use DH as an excuse. tell her he's not happy about you losing that time of an evening.

**Caterpillar** · 16-10-2011, 09:32 PM

You might actually find that your car insurance doesn't cover this!!!

Ferrying parent's around town doesn't come under the job description of a child minder, if you have an accident your insurance company might use it as a get out, leaving you to foot any bill????

**Ripeberry** · 16-10-2011, 10:31 PM

Bad enough if they hang around during the day, but in the evening!

She can hang around at work. Don't they have a canteen or something?

**jadavi** · 17-10-2011, 04:24 AM

Thanks for your comments. It's a care home so no canteen. The car thing is prob the best argument but I do drive them both back at 7am as a favour to the little one as it's a big journey to walk before school . .
If I said I had to work she cd say she'd wait in another room or even with her child ! I have to have a reason that is final - which is why I thought of saying it's not professional but that sounds so stuffy! I can't say hubby objects as it's a big house and he's often in another room on computer. Plus he wouldn't wanna be the bad guy as we meet them out shopping - it's a small village!

Penny1959 · 17-10-2011, 06:14 AM

What about a compromise then - pick up at 8:30 then she can chat for a few mins at your house before heading off to work.

However I would just say there is no point in collecting child early and then her staying at yours as would disrupt the bedtime routines for everyone - and you have to put the needs of the children first.

MY DH would not put up with a parent in the house in the evenings - even if he was in another room.

Penny

**uf353432** · 17-10-2011, 08:11 AM

Look I would just try and be honest with this mum. Sit down over a coffee and say:"I'm having a bit of a problem and I need to share it with you before it leads to any resentment. When you first asked for a lift, I thought it was a one off and I understand that it gets you closer to your place of work and that I am going that way anyway - but I hadn't realised that you would want to use my home as a stop gap with the regularity it has become. When I get home with x, I want to start the bedtime routine and get him/her into bed so that he/she can have the longest possible stretch of sleep. Its just not working you being there every night killing time, because I feel the need to entertain you - and there is no point in saying you don't have to entertain me - thats not how I am built. Entertaining you means that my evening is compacted into just a couple of hours - and i'm not able to get done everything I need to do. Have you considered asking work if you can start your shift a little bit earlier? I'm happy to drive you closer to work, but not happy for you to camp out here every evening as some nights it might not be convenient for you to do so."

Another option is to suggest rather than doing nothing she does something productive for you in exchange - you could offer it up as a joke to test the water - something along the lines of if work won't let you start a bit earlier you could always do some ironing for me - or cleaning - god I could always do with a bit of extra help - she might turn around and say Yeah I can do that - I mean its a neat solution she might be wondering what she can do in return to help you.

I do think you just need to be honest - and not give an excuse - it seems like a massive invasion of your time and friend or no friend i'd have to say something if that were me.

**wendywu** · 17-10-2011, 12:10 PM

Even in a care home they must have coffee making facilities for the staff. She can make herself a cuppa and read a magazine for an hour.

This should not be your problem but hers, she needs to sort it out.

**LittleMissSparkles** · 17-10-2011, 12:56 PM

I personally wouldnt do it, your a child minder not a taxi service, drop in - half way centre come cafe.... sorry ! I would say im sorry but i look after your child and have my own home and family to see to and beside that im not insured x

i also think she has a cheek to put you in that position to start with x

**Katiekoo** · 17-10-2011, 01:38 PM

Can you offer to drop her at work, saying "I'm sorry I can't invite you in anymore as I've been finding it hard to get all my chores/paperwork done in the evening after you leave, I'm sure you can hang round at work."
Or let her come back to yours but just learn to get on with your evening. I would hate having someone in my home in the evenings, even a friend.