im feeling a little better after having a proper talk with the mummy

[sammy]

for all those that have been following my story of the high needs child! I finally had enough of giving "mummy" a smile and saying yes he was wingy but it was all ok.

My 2 little ones have taken it in turns to have a high temp over the last few days, i told the parents, one decided not to bring her lo, But the one who winges did come as the mum is a doctor and its important for her to go to work, anyway after listening to the noise all morning and afternoon, and noticing that my son had a headache, i just thought what is this doing to my family!!

After having to go for a drive to get them to sleep, as there was no way the 2 little ones could with his winging, it was bliss - such a lovely drive!! lol, they all slept.

Anyway when mum collected, I did say in a nice way that i feel that all the children in my care are not getting equal attention, and that he still winges all the time when not being held. She knows this as he is the same with her, but i basically said it has to change as its just not fair on the children in my setting, i also said its all very well him wanting to be held, but its no good for his development as he wont learn to crawl etc if he doesnt have that oppurtunity (he is nearly 1), she agreed with what i said but did try and make excuses - ie, teething, thats hes had a high temp lately etc, but i said well hes been like it for 6 months now. Anyway i suggested controllled crying, she wasnt too keen on the idea, but she knows that we both have to work something out, otherwise im not prepared to have him. She said she is going through a guilty stage of having to work so wants to hold him all the time, also she said i tried so hard to have him , why would i not want to hold him (she did say this in a nice way), and also that hes clingy. I did sympathise with her, but also explained that to me hes my fourth child and wouldnt be getting that kind treatment of being held all day, and that we need to break his habit of basically not picking him up when HE demands it, but making sure all his other needs are met.

I just said its all very well if your the only carer then he can be clingy and you can hold him all day, but its just not working, and that i cant possibly hold him all day, i like to be doing activities with the children, not just sitting there holding a baby. I did say he might be more suited to someone with no other children, so he can have all the care in the world but that still wont help his bad habit of winging when he doesnt get picked up.

Anyway she has now suggested that her husband do the controlled crying, so not picking him up every time he murmurs. I did add that i really love him and i kissed his hand, i think that touched her, as she did well up a bit.

I feel sorry for her as she has to work, and she has to let go a little bit, for him to settle properly in my environment, she is so worried that i might say i dont want him, as she loves him being here.

Anyway i shall see what happens, shes even asked me to have him even earlier tommorow even though my son has a high temp, but i dont like to let people down, and i will still manage lots of cuddles with my lo.

[Annie_T]

good for you talking to her hun, lets hope the controlled crying will help. cant be nice having that going on all day when with you and you have other mindees to sort etc.


good luck and well done xx

[angeldelight]

Parent sounds really nice and just a loving parent who loves her baby

I know its not helping you though her picking him up all the time - a set of my parents are the same and it does make my job more difficult

At least the parent wants to work with you though which is always a good sign

Good luck hope it all works out for you - mom and the little one

Angel xx

[balloon]

Glad the chatting went well, hope the controlled crying works for you and the LO settles better soon.

[breezy]

So glad you had the chat, mum sounds nice too, hopefully she'll be strong enough to work with you.
Well done you got your point accross but showed you care for the child too

[Polly2]

Sounds like you had a really good talk with mum. You are doing all you can - I hope it works this time for you!

[Bushpig]

So glad you had this chat and mum took it well - must be a weight off your shoulders x

[Zoomie]

Hiya, have followed your story and I wanted to add that earlier this week I saw an episode of baby whisperer with tracy hoff (on home & health) ... it was to do with a VERY CLINGY baby.

didn't watch it intently but some strategies that were suggested were to put baby on ground, 2 secs later baby crying. rather than picking up to comfort, it was done by giving baby hugs / strokes / pats whilst still on the floor (not on lap).

also to talk to baby and tell them exactley where you are going and you'll be back in a min

there was prob more but that is what i remember

HTHs

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Well done for speaking to mum - it never is an easy job. The fact that she didn't offer excuses tends to suggest that she was expecting the "talk".

He will get used to different rules in different homes, so persevere with your rules and if your son needs a hug, let him have one.

Keep us posted

[jessie1]

I followed your story as well and glad that you had the courage to talk to mum. And I hope that it gets sorted out soon

[mandy moo]

Hi just to say well done you,Im hopless at confrontations of any sort, although I am getting better
keep up the good work

[sammy]

thanks for all your kind words, i will try patting, stroking him on the floor etc, although when i did try rubbing his back he spun round and clung to me like a magnet!!

i dont know exactly what his mum did last night but hes winging is really quiet today, she dropped him off and didnt linger like normal (she was in a rush to get to shops b4 work), and he was winging whilst she was holding him and she said i have left him and not given into him and this morning he refused her breast! and hes been winging whilst shes been holding him too.

so i think this could work, then she said +++++ No, this is for your own good, when he carried on winging into my arms.

anyway so today has been a quiet constant winge day !! lol, i think we are making progress!!

[Lottie]

I'm glad you had a chat, must be a relief. Hope things go more smoothly now.

[a.lmb]

ive had several children like that but sometimes parents dont like u mentioning it cos they cnt see whats so wrong in them being held all the time. Well done u

[acorns]

I really hope it works out for you and mindee. Me being on the other side of losing the screaming mindee, my house is calmer, children & me happier & i'm enjoying minding much more. Hubby has noticed the change in me, says I'm like I was b4 I started minding.

[Winnie]

Sorry I havent been following this story (i am fairly new here) but i just wanted to add my congrats too, well done for mentioning your concerns to mum and not just putting up with it. You sound a very caring person and i'm sure the mum will come to thank you in time- and you are doing this child a Big favour!
Small steps- big results!