Childs behaviour at & after pick up...

[annie nonny]

I have a child who can be a hand full but we have things in place to deal with this that work when he's with me (warnings, time out etc). The problem is when he's dropped off and picked up, he's fine with the actual hand over but at home time as soon as there out the door he starts playing mum up, running off down the street, shouting, banging and sometimes having tantrums on the front lawn. The other day they were outside for nearly 20 mind trying to get him of the ground and i just can't relax till there gone! Also some mornings you can hear them coming down the street!
Once the door is closed do you leave them to it or do you feel you need to talk about doing something about it? So far I've let her deal with it as its my last child and quite late, except 2 or 3 times were he has started inside the house so have delt with it as i would during the day, parents have never mentioned it and i don't want them to think interfering in how they disipline their child!
Should I not get involved unless it happens whilst in my care, what do you do?

[appleblossom]

I had a child who was lovely on drop off (Dad dropped off) but Mum collected and as soon as Mum appeared she turned into something from Jekyll and Hyde. She kicked Mm when she tried to put her shoes on, wouldn't get in the buggy, refused to walk instead of getting in the buggy. Mum asked me to try to get her in the buggy and ready to go out of the door to get around all this. The trouble was Mum would often turn up nearly 20 minutes early and odf course mindee was not ready to go.

I sometimes tried to help Mum sort her out but that didn't work either, in fact it seemed to make things worse.

One evening Mum just put her coat and shoes in the buggy, picked her daughter up in one arm, pushed the buggy out and set off walking home. The following day she told me that as soon as they left her DD caved in and behaved. From then on I left them to it. I think mindee was playing up because she had both Mum and I there.

I'd say just leave Mum to deal with it and do something far enough from the front of the hose that you can't hear them very well.

[Bridey]

Leave mum to it - this sort of behaviour is quite normal at handover funnily enough! I have a (unwritten, in my head) policy that in my house its MY rules but as soon as they are out of the door they may behave as they do at home. The change can be quite astonishing at times!!

[blue bear]

I'd leave them to it unless asked for advice.

[mushpea]

I have a 4yrold who is mostly well behaved with me all day then mum arrives and she runs off, runs in to the road etc, mum dosent come in and stands at the door for the hand over chat and during this time I have had to run after the little girl as mum is not particuarly mobile and dosent seem to have any authority over the little girl and I know that if she ran in the road and got hit by a car i would feel awful although I did this friday and had to leave another 3yrold standing in my door way, I could still see him where i was but I didnt like this idea so i think from now on once mum is here I will leave her to it, if mum cant disapline the child then its not my problem anymore
and yes normaly once the door is shut I let the parents get on with it.

[mama2three]

Its easy to say leave them to it and I do agree but I feel some responsibility towards my neighbours .. and the screaming abdabs outside their windows each teatime isnt really very fair to them. Wish I knew what the answer was though.

[samb]

I completely feel for you. I have a lo who is 3. I am slowly trying to change pick up behaviour. I used to have his shoses on ready 5 mins before time to leave. Mum would come in and he would be jumping around all over the place (on sofa etc) and so would my ds (also 3). They were very hyper, winding each other up etc. I would hold my ds while she got hers sorted and off they went. It was awful. I then told her I would keep them separate at pick ups as it was too out of control when they wind each other up. So now I have moved on to having his shoes on but when I see Mum pull up outside I take lo into my hallway and shut the door to the living room living my children inside. Mine have to stay in and he has to stay out. He still jumps and runs and makes it difficult to talk but at least my ds isn't involved! However it has got to the point now where he will run and open my front door and go out! I am in upstairs flat! Frist time I sent Mum out after him and second time I saw him about to grab the handle and asked her to put the chain on the door (I have it on in day but obviously undo it to let her in). He went mad screaming and kicking and opening and closing the door as much as the chain let him! When they are out of my door in the communal hallway he screams and kicks and refuses to walk. I also look after baby brother so Mum is holding baby and bag so can't grab him too (although sometimes she does but poor thing is then holding a kicking 3 yr old plus pretty heavy 10 month and bags!). He then runs off outside into the car park or hides behind parked cars! With me the children have to wait at the bottom steps for everyone to be ready before going out of communal hallway. I have told mum this but she doesn't enforce the rule when it is her.

So basically all I have managed to achieve so far is to stop my ds being involved in all this! I have said before that she can put baby in car and come back in for this lo but obviously thats not ideal as then she is having to leave baby. Also I have picked up lo and followed Mum out before and just put up with him kicking and shouting let me go!!!

I like you OP feel sorry for my neighbours and am highly embarrassed although a couple of my neighbours have actually commented how well he behaves with me in comparison to Mum which at least makes me feel like they recognise it is not me!

I haven't got him this week but am thinking up what I can suggest next.