Grumpy Child

Hi all!
Hope you're all doing OK in these crazy times.
I'm wondering what you guys might do with a similar situation.
I have a little girl aged 7 who comes to me every day. I've been having her over a year and she's always been a little emotional and moody. That's just her I believe.
I take her to school, collect her again and give her dinner. I also home schooled her all through the lockdown and agree with mum that she needs an assessment for dyslexia.

But lately, she's become really really grumpy with a growing attitude problem. Mum is well aware and she is apparently the same at home.
She often starts each day with a statement like "I hate......" and it can be anything from 'Fridays', 'this bag', 'that song'. She paces and huffs around the place. At times if another child invites her to play she will yell no as if they have asked her something really offensive. She can be quite controlling so I often have to talk to her to compromise during play. She often scowls,and drops unkind comments. Eg, a little boy in my setting said "Wow this is so exciting" looking at a new book to which she remarked "no it's not". Just horrible and totally unnecessary.
I have tried being super positive with her and helping her look for things to be happy about. I comment positively when she speaks kindly to the others and try to ignore the attitude problem.

I'm afraid I'm losing my patience. Could this be attention seeking. Has she worked out that being like this gets her attention. The last thing I want to do is shut down any real worries or fears she may want to talk about. Mum works full time and I want to be there for her. But I really am starting to winder if some tough love is needed. Eg, If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. Or tell her I don't want to hear any more moaning. Is that harsh? Help please xxx

bless you.

Hugs! That's hard.
Sounds a bit as if, like you said, it's attention seeking- especially if mum works full time and she's been with you at, and throughout lockdown, when lots of people were at home with their parents. And maybe you are getting the same treatment as mum because you've been doing a lot of the 'mum' stuff. It does sound as if she is unhappy. Where was she before she came to you?

How is she at school?

I might try the 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' ... she can still tell you stuff, but she doesn't get to make other people unhappy.

Maybe she needs to go to an afterschool club/ do something with her friends? Does she come to you every day? Because if she does, no matter how lovely you are.... you're not mum and it's not her home.
Also, is she an only child and struggling with other children at yours?

Sorry, don't think I've really helped, just waffled random thoughts . Good luck xxxx

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loocyloo

bless you.

Hugs! That's hard.
Sounds a bit as if, like you said, it's attention seeking- especially if mum works full time and she's been with you at, and throughout lockdown, when lots of people were at home with their parents. And maybe you are getting the same treatment as mum because you've been doing a lot of the 'mum' stuff. It does sound as if she is unhappy. Where was she before she came to you?

How is she at school?

I might try the 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' ... she can still tell you stuff, but she doesn't get to make other people unhappy.

Maybe she needs to go to an afterschool club/ do something with her friends? Does she come to you every day? Because if she does, no matter how lovely you are.... you're not mum and it's not her home.
Also, is she an only child and struggling with other children at yours?

Sorry, don't think I've really helped, just waffled random thoughts . Good luck xxxx

---

Thank you so much for another insight. She used to be really happy. Things around here have changed quite a bit since covid. There used to be about 6 children here, some days even 8. But they've all gone. But she had the whole of lock down to get used to that because everybody left then. It was just her and my son and daughter, and another key worker child for months!
Like I say she has always been a little moody and emotional but she did used to play happily and not feel the need to moan all of the time.
She moans about everything!
Yes she is an only child but has cousins come and stay with her quite often because her aunt and mum live together but the aunt has shared custody of her children. She has also changed schools recently. I collected from her old school and the one she has moved to so she's not needed to change childminders.
It's just got to the point where my own son (age 6) is starting to copy her attitude problem. Or he gets upset with some of the things she says.
My son and her used to be good friends and play so nicely together. He will be so excited when she arrives in the morning, then she shuts him down almost instantly with her horrible attitude. Saying something like "Yeah yeah yeah" if he starts to tell her about something. Or coming out with "Finally!" when he walks away. It's horrible. I feel if I continue to ignore it she will think she can treat people however she likes, but if I get tough I could be shutting down something else that's going on for her.

Gosh it's hard isn't it when children are like that to your own children.

When I'm wondering whether or not to get tougher, I remind myself that children feel safer with boundaries, so you are not doing her a disservice if you do get tougher. As long as you mix it with praise and recognition for the slightest kind/pleasant thing that she does then it's fine. Sometimes we can force ourselves into a bad mood by saying/thinking negative things, so if she reins in the unkind comments then she might not feel as grumpy as she does. x

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Maza

Gosh it's hard isn't it when children are like that to your own children.

When I'm wondering whether or not to get tougher, I remind myself that children feel safer with boundaries, so you are not doing her a disservice if you do get tougher. As long as you mix it with praise and recognition for the slightest kind/pleasant thing that she does then it's fine. Sometimes we can force ourselves into a bad mood by saying/thinking negative things, so if she reins in the unkind comments then she might not feel as grumpy as she does. x

---

Thank you so much! Love this. Yes I think it is definitely time to get tough. Exactly as you say, with a few boundaries and I think an explanation as to this attitude towards everyone not helping anyone, we might start to get a nicer atmosphere.