Joint presents/different budgets

Sigh.

My mum has a big birthday next month. I am one of seven children and some of my siblings decided that we should throw a surprise party for her. Fine. We all contributed financially and bless them, some of them have worked really hard researching venues, sorting caterers/decorations/old photos etc.

One of my brothers and my sister seem to have won the lottery. They are talking of getting a joint present, which just seems to be getting bigger and bigger, ie more expensive. There was talk of paying for her and two friends to go on holiday. I had a discreet word with my sister and told her that we are skint right now. It didn't feel nice having to confess it, but I was getting really stressed with their suggestions. She was so sweet, offered to pay my contribution and simmered down on her suggestions of the gift. Now my brother is at it again. I have just had to be upfront on the family WhatsApp and tell them all that I'm skint. My brother apologised and was embarrassed (didn't mean him to be). The party is in the town where they all live, but we will also have to pay for train tickets for the three of us from London to Manchester, so it's all becoming a bit stressful rather than something to look forward to.

We do need to be careful when organising shared gifts. Sorry. Just offloading.

Can’t read and run...so sending you a digital hug, what a difficult situation.
I expect your mum will be happy just with the party too.
At least everyone knows your situation now, and even though you really didn’t want them to, it is probably better that it is out there, you might find another sibling is feeling the same too and welcomes the stalling on size of gift.

Personally, I have never been a fan of ‘ special birthdays’ - just because my age has a zero on the end doesn’t matter to me, as long as I can open a few cards - I am happy.....I absolutely hate surprises!

awww, hugs Maza.

DHs family get a bit like that about events/gifts, and 2 of his siblings get carried away and think everyone is the same as them! Well done for speaking out.

Hugs Maza i genuinely think people get carried away with their ideas they forget othet people circumstances are not the same.

A member of our group of friends is getting married next year and one friend had this great idea as the couple dont have much money we between the 9 of us would pay for the photographer. I was the one who said i would be giving no more than a £5 and it was ridiculous to expect us to put in at least £50.

At least 5 of my friends thanked me as they didn't know how to say something