Parent requests

i have a new parent (lovely person) but already they have begun making requests about their child - what they will/wont eat, how they like stuff prepared etc. How their children need to be treated etc. I feel like they actually need a nanny. As a childminder i need to see that all my mindees are cared for fairly etc not just one family. So as you all probably know this is a juggling act already. I feel I'm being dictated to (not in a nasty way by any means) and because i want to please im finding myself already bending on things.
I want to state from the off how things are (in a polite but firm way) rather than get down the line and have all sorts of problems.
Offloading here but does anyone have any advice?

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Originally Posted by mumofone

i have a new parent (lovely person) but already they have begun making requests about their child - what they will/wont eat, how they like stuff prepared etc. How their children need to be treated etc. I feel like they actually need a nanny. As a childminder i need to see that all my mindees are cared for fairly etc not just one family. So as you all probably know this is a juggling act already. I feel I'm being dictated to (not in a nasty way by any means) and because i want to please im finding myself already bending on things.
I want to state from the off how things are (in a polite but firm way) rather than get down the line and have all sorts of problems.
Offloading here but does anyone have any advice?

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Don't know if I can offer any advice apart from saying what happened to me years ago. I had a brother and sister both under 5 and their parents didn't want them to watch any t.v. not to have any sweets,crisps etc plus other things that I can't now remember. I had to give notice as they didn't understand that I couldn't leave their children out of everything and it wasn't fair to deprive all the other mindees of a bit of t.v. time or having a treat now and again. Sorry can';t be more helpful.

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Originally Posted by chris goodyear

Don't know if I can offer any advice apart from saying what happened to me years ago. I had a brother and sister both under 5 and their parents didn't want them to watch any t.v. not to have any sweets,crisps etc plus other things that I can't now remember. I had to give notice as they didn't understand that I couldn't leave their children out of everything and it wasn't fair to deprive all the other mindees of a bit of t.v. time or having a treat now and again. Sorry can';t be more helpful.

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Thanks Chris, this parent probably feels they are just giving me useful information to be fair to them but i'm just annoyed at being told what i should do and not being asked how i work. The children should be fitting in with how i run things not vice versa, or am i being really harsh?!!

I've got a new parent at the moment who is having a hard time at home. Husband very ill and I think her baby with me is the only 'thing' she has control over at the moment. She has requested a few odd things for me to do or follow and I'm trying to accommodate but agreeing with a few suggestions of how I do things and what the result has been in the past. I think we have to be very aware that is hard for parents to hand their child to us and that we have complete control for the hours that they are at work, maybe a job they resent, but I've found that if I show I've got their child's best interest at heart then communication and forward planning is best. I try not to show competitiveness (is that a word?) and that we should work as a team and communication and honesty is best. Tell her what you can achieve and ask her what she wants.

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Originally Posted by BallyH

I've got a new parent at the moment who is having a hard time at home. Husband very ill and I think her baby with me is the only 'thing' she has control over at the moment. She has requested a few odd things for me to do or follow and I'm trying to accommodate but agreeing with a few suggestions of how I do things and what the result has been in the past. I think we have to be very aware that is hard for parents to hand their child to us and that we have complete control for the hours that they are at work, maybe a job they resent, but I've found that if I show I've got their child's best interest at heart then communication and forward planning is best. I try not to show competitiveness (is that a word?) and that we should work as a team and communication and honesty is best. Tell her what you can achieve and ask her what she wants.

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Thanks ballyH, that's good to have another perspective x

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Originally Posted by BallyH

I've got a new parent at the moment who is having a hard time at home. Husband very ill and I think her baby with me is the only 'thing' she has control over at the moment. She has requested a few odd things for me to do or follow and I'm trying to accommodate but agreeing with a few suggestions of how I do things and what the result has been in the past. I think we have to be very aware that is hard for parents to hand their child to us and that we have complete control for the hours that they are at work, maybe a job they resent, but I've found that if I show I've got their child's best interest at heart then communication and forward planning is best. I try not to show competitiveness (is that a word?) and that we should work as a team and communication and honesty is best. Tell her what you can achieve and ask her what she wants.

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This is excellent advice. :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by mumofone

Thanks Chris, this parent probably feels they are just giving me useful information to be fair to them but i'm just annoyed at being told what i should do and not being asked how i work. The children should be fitting in with how i run things not vice versa, or am i being really harsh?!!

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No, you're not being harsh, just so long as you made this perfectly clear to mum before she signed up.

We sometimes forget that we live in something of a bubble, and not everyone knows exactly how the weird and wonderful world of childcare works. A parent seeking childcare rarely knows what to expect, especially when it comes to the details.

From what I hear and see, there's an awful lot of misinformation out there, if they turn to websites and social media. A lot of CMs push their "flexibility" as a massive USP, with no clear statement of what they mean (if they mean anything at all.) The message boards on mumsie-net type sites are full of bad advice; it's very common to see "nurseries must follow your routine" etc. If parents are being told nurseries will do exactly what they're told (which you and I know will be absolutely impossible) how much more will they expect CMs to act like nannies?

There's pressure on us to be 'positive' and 'sell ourselves' when prospective clients come to see us. But we really need to be clear on expectations from the start. It's perfectly fine to state, "this is how I do things...... end of discussion". But we can't expect mums to know that unless we've told them.

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Originally Posted by bunyip

No, you're not being harsh, just so long as you made this perfectly clear to mum before she signed up.

We sometimes forget that we live in something of a bubble, and not everyone knows exactly how the weird and wonderful world of childcare works. A parent seeking childcare rarely knows what to expect, especially when it comes to the details.

From what I hear and see, there's an awful lot of misinformation out there, if they turn to websites and social media. A lot of CMs push their "flexibility" as a massive USP, with no clear statement of what they mean (if they mean anything at all.) The message boards on mumsie-net type sites are full of bad advice; it's very common to see "nurseries must follow your routine" etc. If parents are being told nurseries will do exactly what they're told (which you and I know will be absolutely impossible) how much more will they expect CMs to act like nannies?

There's pressure on us to be 'positive' and 'sell ourselves' when prospective clients come to see us. But we really need to be clear on expectations from the start. It's perfectly fine to state, "this is how I do things...... end of discussion". But we can't expect mums to know that unless we've told them.

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Thanks bunyip, you make some excellent points - as usual!! :-)

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Originally Posted by mumofone

Thanks bunyip, you make some excellent points - as usual!! :-)

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You're too kind. :blush:

But I forgot to mention how parents might completely ignore the clearest of clear directions. Like when I spend ages devising a 30 hours offer, writing a policy for it, collating all the information for the one parent who is entitled, explaining what to do and (most importantly) what not to do, etc. .... and then she clucks up the whole thing by double-claiming at another setting. :mad: