Help...advise needed

So I have a little minded boy who is 4 next month. I've had him since he just turned 2 so almost 2 years. I have potty trained him by myself (parents had little to no interest and almost saw it as ny job 😬) anyway, he has come back from holiday with his grandmother and almost sees it acceptable to now soil and wet his pants 3 or 4 times a day for no reason. I ask him why and it ranges from 'I don't know' to 'I want to have a nappy on'. Mum says he did have some accidents with the grandmother and saw it as no problem.
It has been 3 weeks now and I've actually resorted back to using the potty, wearing just pants etc but when we go out he is 80% of tthe time able to communicate his need for a wee/poo however at my setting he doesn't even take him self off he leaves it until he is wet or dirty and I notice it. You ask him if he has had an accident and he says no the entire time until you go to change him. I asked mum how she felt about leaving him in wet clothes for him to discover himself he is wet or dirty and she said it wasn't her style.

HELP!!! The parents aren't together and mum didn't carry on the potty training over the weekend and claimed to have had no accidents but said she did have to ask him if he needed the loo every half hour or he wouldn't go. I don't have time with other minded children to ask him every half hour and feel I shouldn't have to with a virtually 4 year old!!!!

It is not your responsibility to toilet train a child - it has to be carried through consistently at home and in other settings or the child will be confused.

I suggest you call a meeting with the parent to discuss what to do next :D

Definately talk to parents and start a plan for the way forward from where you are now. All of you in his life , both parents, grandparents and you....keeping to the same routine/ system...let parent lead.
It seems, from the little you have said that this LO is confused, not tuned in to his bodily functions and not clear about a routine that is shared between you all. He did different things with you than at home which is probably why after a holiday it has all gone pear shaped.
I would start again, working with parents, with a next steps plan, I think it is important to start from where the LO is, not his chronological age and agree a plan together...going with parents wishes.
Leaving children wet or soiled isn't my style either so I see where they are coming from.....have you a large setting which is why you don't have time to continue mums system? I used to set my watch with a beep to remind me to check in with a LO and suggest a toilet break when we were at that stage..." pop to the toilet when you have finished..." or " why don't you go to the toilet then we'll....." were phrases I seemed to say a lot at one point.
Difficult times...

You say that the mum didn't carry on potty training over the weekend - yet she asked him if he needed the loo every half hour or so - would you not regard that as toilet training?

It des only take a few seconds to ask someone if they need the loo - much less time than having to change their clothes - and much preferable to having them sitting in wet/soiled clothing and spreading the germs around your setting.

Why do you think he has regressed? Was grandma putting him in a nappy during the day do you think? At his age it isn't that uncommon for him to be having wet accidents, but I wonder why he has regressed. Check out the website ERIC.

Does he actually know the difference between wet and dry? Sounds obvious, but it is worth investigating. Do lots of water play, talk about wet hands/dry hands/ wet sleeves etc. Use the word wet in every single context - when washing hands, when wiping a table, when washing dishes, looking at the rain, pouring milk on dry cereal. Why not do an activity of washing some teddies and then feeling them and putting them somewhere to dry? Have some sponges/cloths in feely bags - can he tell you which bags contain something wet and which contain something dry? Wash other hard toys, set up a car wash station in the garden if you have ride on toys. Paint stones with water, water flowers and look at what happens to the soil when it is wet, play with wet and dry sand. Make a little washing line to hang wet cloths/aprons to dry. I love this topic and all children will enjoy it whether toilet trained or not.

General advice is to encourage him to change himself/clean himself as far as appropriate when he has an accident. Sometimes this little inconvenience is enough to make them realise that it is quicker to just use the loo in the first place, but it's good practice generally. Sounds like he needs a reward chart too.

Good luck. x

I'm confused. You say you've potty trained the little fellow single-handed, with no support. That's a huge job, and well done. But then you say you don't have time to remind him to 'go' every half an hour, which isn't really a big deal compared with the hard work you've already invested. :huh: