Struggling thinking of quitting

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10-07-2014, 08:07 AM
Petshrinklj

Struggling thinking of quitting

I've only been minding 2 weeks and look after two children but I am not sure I can keep going. My 3 year old daughter is really struggling with sharing me. She has become so clingy it's unbearable and making it very hard to play and look after my minded children. Also last week I missed most of my sons show because a parent was late collecting. And next week I will miss his violin show because I will be minding. I naively thought childminding would slot in nicely with my parenting but it's not working out like that and I feel my kids are missing out. I feel so selfish though letting parents down but feel so miserable and not enjoying the job like I thought I would. I'm thinking I should go back to being a SAHM and enjoy this last year with my daughter before she starts school and then resume childminding then.
10-07-2014, 08:24 AM
Simona

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petshrinklj

I've only been minding 2 weeks and look after two children but I am not sure I can keep going. My 3 year old daughter is really struggling with sharing me. She has become so clingy it's unbearable and making it very hard to play and look after my minded children. Also last week I missed most of my sons show because a parent was late collecting. And next week I will miss his violin show because I will be minding. I naively thought childminding would slot in nicely with my parenting but it's not working out like that and I feel my kids are missing out. I feel so selfish though letting parents down but feel so miserable and not enjoying the job like I thought I would. I'm thinking I should go back to being a SAHM and enjoy this last year with my daughter before she starts school and then resume childminding then.

My personal advice and support for you would be to allow for a period of transition for your child and yourself...you all have to get used to a new way of life, think of the pros and cons
Maybe you could cmind on a part time basis at first so allow your child some time just for her and accept there will be other children to play with some days...also slot in time for your other child too.
Does your school allow you to take your minded children to shows? mine did

Take it easy but whatever you do ...do not deregister as in future it may be different to reapply (agencies in mind here)....see if that works for you

Good luck and keep us posted
10-07-2014, 08:56 AM
Petshrinklj

Thank you for your advice.
10-07-2014, 09:11 AM
loocyloo

Oh sweetie ... I'm sorry that after all your waiting and worrying about getting children, that it's not living up to your expectations.

Take time and take it slow. It will be hard for your children to adjust to having other children in their house, and for them to have to share you. Don't feel they always have to come last. When I am working, every child in the house has an equal share of my time and that includes my own. My children sometimes struggle with my working/mindees and I've been childminding since ds was 1 ( he is 12 now and dd is 9 )

( we moved 3 yrs ago and I didn't work for the summer term and most of the summer holidays and whilst it was nice to have the time with my children, I was looking forward to working but those first few weeks were very hard to get used to working again! And not being able to just be there for my children )

I agree with Simona, can you work part time and still have time for your children and you on your own. Can you take minded children to school events? My school allows other children to come and all my parents know that if I am going somewhere they either pick up on time or find me where I am!

Don't give up just yet. And if you do decide to put it on hold, then keep your registration going so you can start back once you decide to.

Big hug x
10-07-2014, 12:35 PM
VeggieSausage

When I started my dd was in the year before starting school and she found it hard.....do persevere as it worked out fine for me and my dd now loves having children to play with.....make some time especially for her and do activities and outings that she would like and choose so she knows you still care about her....
10-07-2014, 03:35 PM
Glitter

Both my children struggled when I started minding. They didn't like sharing the house, or my time.

The thing that helped me was to make sure I sat the mindees down in front of the telly for 30 minutes each day and spend that time with my children in another room doing something special (reading a book together, doing a painting).

My children also had a box of special resources. It had glitter paints, stickers, small toys, posh colouring pencils in a tin, nice paper, felt and sewing things. It cost me about £15 to put together. All the mindees knew that they were not allowed to use things from the tin, and they were fine about it, and my children liked to have their own things they did not have to share.

It is always going to be hard at first, I hope it gets better for you soon.
10-07-2014, 07:33 PM
tess1981

My children still find it hard they are 12 & 15. I remind them that although the house is madness at times I have to earn a wage and at least while they off school I'm not wakening them when I leave for work to send them somewhere. I'm also home when they come home from school. Children will adjust and accept it at some stage :) when I worked I could not always attend stuff my children were doing at school with this jobs sometimes I can
What I'm trying to say is hang in there you get more organised and that helps
10-07-2014, 07:45 PM
Ripeberry

I waited until both my children were in school before becoming a CM. Before that I worked weekends and a couple of evenings as a 'Home Carer', so although I was working I was mainly a SAHM. It made it much easier on my children.
10-07-2014, 08:27 PM
line6

I started minding mid sept last year when my children we almost 9, just 7 and 3 1/2. I had been a sham since the oldest was born and it was a huge period of adjustment for all of us. At the end of the cot half term I was ready to give it all up after a hellish week! But with time all the children have got used to each other and although it's not perfect it is so much better than the alternative of dropping my children elsewhere while I go out to work. Like the others I take my mindees to any school events just like I would a younger sibling. It does get easier to juggle everything with time. We also make sure that any favourite toy of the moment for our children is kept upstairs away from the mindees. They know that anything downstairs must be shared and anything they don't want to share needs to disappear. Their own bedrooms are out of bounds so they don't have to share everything.
11-07-2014, 10:24 AM
JCrakers

People do think this job enables us to spend more time with our own children but realistically (for me anyway) I may be here in body but half the time I'm so busy that I don't get time to see my own kids. They are older now though (15 and 12) so they do take themselves to their rooms now but it has been hard over the years.

I started when my son was 8yrs and my dd was 5yrs and it did work at the beginning. We adjusted well and everyone seemed to get on well and play with each other. I was able to go to assemblies and sports day at school but always had to take 2-3 little ones with me so I had to think how I would manage things before I went. If I had 3 rowdy toddlers that I knew wouldn't sit still and be quiet I had to miss an assembly. If I had two 3-4 yr olds and a baby who could sit still/sleep then I would take them along with a drink and snack but would sit by the door incase a quick getaway was needed. Mostly it worked out where I was able to ask mum to come half an hour later so I could see assemblies. I really didn't want to miss any.

I have to rely on dh to take the children further afield, like a sports event outside the town because I don't have use of a car whilst working. I've missed a few sports things which my dd has been in and felt extremely guilty but at least I knew she had dad to watch. Luckily my DS was never into groups so I didn't have to take him to any afterschool activities. He did do footy at the weekend. My dd did have to miss out on some clubs because I couldn't get her there when I had all the after school children. She could go to groups that were after 6pm or on a day that dh works from home so it wasn't too bad.

Appointments with drs or specialist check ups and they have to go with dad as he can get time off easier than I can. I did have a day off when dd had an operation as there was no way I was going to miss it.

Now though.....I am struggling!! Dd is 12 and is going through the teenage stage and my energy is zapped, I've never been so tired and snappy. After a 10hr day I've got no patience left to be dealing with her attitude and selfishness and at times I sit and think that I need to give this in. But I keep soldiering on and cope by the day.

Give it a while and things may change, you may adapt to the new way of having to work. If, after a few more weeks you feel it's not working then maybe it's not for you. I definitely do say that this job isn't for everyone.
11-07-2014, 01:35 PM
LauraS

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCrakers

People do think this job enables us to spend more time with our own children but realistically (for me anyway) I may be here in body but half the time I'm so busy that I don't get time to see my own kids. They are older now though (15 and 12) so they do take themselves to their rooms now but it has been hard over the years. I started when my son was 8yrs and my dd was 5yrs and it did work at the beginning. We adjusted well and everyone seemed to get on well and play with each other. I was able to go to assemblies and sports day at school but always had to take 2-3 little ones with me so I had to think how I would manage things before I went. If I had 3 rowdy toddlers that I knew wouldn't sit still and be quiet I had to miss an assembly. If I had two 3-4 yr olds and a baby who could sit still/sleep then I would take them along with a drink and snack but would sit by the door incase a quick getaway was needed. Mostly it worked out where I was able to ask mum to come half an hour later so I could see assemblies. I really didn't want to miss any. I have to rely on dh to take the children further afield, like a sports event outside the town because I don't have use of a car whilst working. I've missed a few sports things which my dd has been in and felt extremely guilty but at least I knew she had dad to watch. Luckily my DS was never into groups so I didn't have to take him to any afterschool activities. He did do footy at the weekend. My dd did have to miss out on some clubs because I couldn't get her there when I had all the after school children. She could go to groups that were after 6pm or on a day that dh works from home so it wasn't too bad. Appointments with drs or specialist check ups and they have to go with dad as he can get time off easier than I can. I did have a day off when dd had an operation as there was no way I was going to miss it. Now though.....I am struggling!! Dd is 12 and is going through the teenage stage and my energy is zapped, I've never been so tired and snappy. After a 10hr day I've got no patience left to be dealing with her attitude and selfishness and at times I sit and think that I need to give this in. But I keep soldiering on and cope by the day. Give it a while and things may change, you may adapt to the new way of having to work. If, after a few more weeks you feel it's not working then maybe it's not for you. I definitely do say that this job isn't for everyone.

Totally agree with this. Cm is the both the most and least flexible job I have ever had. I can pop into the school for an assembly and take the littlies, or take one of mine to the doctor or whatever, but if I need to take a day off at a moments notice for something I just can't. That's working life, though. It was the opposite when I was employed, I could take a day or half day off at the drop of a hat, but used all my holiday time off on kids doctors appointments, actual holidays and stuff so still ended up missing assemblies etc. You can't win!

It will take a period of time to get used to the job, it's a big responsibility and although I have four children of my own and am quite capable and laid back generally. I found having my first mindee very stressful. I remember being stressed just having my own kids plus one or two others, now I have nine or ten in total some days including schoolies and it's easier with them all than it was with one in the beginning.

Jcrakers, I feel your pain. Our teenage daughter is on the one hand the most lovely, sweet, caring thoughtful girl you could ever meet. On the other she is rude and arrogant, full of her own sense of entitlement and bristling with anger at what a terribly difficult deprived life we have given her. As an example, she plays the clarinet and has done since she was 7 (now 14). She plays for two orchestras, the local county one for the last 6 years and a bigger more prestigious one for about a year. She has had private lessons throughout from a fantastic teacher, nothing in school time, and we have, until about 12 months ago been to every single concert, ever. The lessons are expensive, and so is the cost of petrol, as dh ferries her about for about six hours a week to get to these different lessons etc. We are fine for money now but it hasn't always been the case, dh and I have gone without basic things when she was younger so that her tuition could continue. Last month both dh and I couldn't make a concert. I have missed a couple over the past year, but this is the first time that no-one has been able to make it. However it was out of our control. She was completely poisonous, shouting about how we don't care, we don't make any effort for her music, why is she bothering, and she might as well not continue... She ranted on and off for days and days and could not see that we really have tried our best. Apparently the financial sacrifice and the driving her about for six hours a week (just for this activity, not to mention the others!) mean nothing, because at the end of the day we missed a concert and are the Worst Parents Ever. Just when you have finished reasoning with her and think she 'gets it' and understands that we are only human and trying her best, she starts again. We haven't even mentioned it in a week, and this morning she came downstairs out of the blue and said she had never wanted to play the clarinet anyway, she wanted a trumpet but we wouldn't let her so we ruined her music from the start. Gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Much more of this and I am going to do a Reggie Perrin. I don't know if she is a nice person hiding inside a nasty teenager, or if we have ruined her and she is just a horrible person, and that worry keeps me awake at night :,(
11-07-2014, 09:06 PM
k1rstie

Quote:

Originally Posted by LauraS

Jcrakers, I feel your pain. Our teenage daughter is on the one hand the most lovely, sweet, caring thoughtful girl you could ever meet. On the other she is rude and arrogant, full of her own sense of entitlement and bristling with anger at what a terribly difficult deprived life we have given her. As an example, she plays the clarinet and has done since she was 7 (now 14). She plays for two orchestras, the local county one for the last 6 years and a bigger more prestigious one for about a year. She has had private lessons throughout from a fantastic teacher, nothing in school time, and we have, until about 12 months ago been to every single concert, ever. The lessons are expensive, and so is the cost of petrol, as dh ferries her about for about six hours a week to get to these different lessons etc. We are fine for money now but it hasn't always been the case, dh and I have gone without basic things when she was younger so that her tuition could continue. Last month both dh and I couldn't make a concert. I have missed a couple over the past year, but this is the first time that no-one has been able to make it. However it was out of our control. She was completely poisonous, shouting about how we don't care, we don't make any effort for her music, why is she bothering, and she might as well not continue... She ranted on and off for days and days and could not see that we really have tried our best. Apparently the financial sacrifice and the driving her about for six hours a week (just for this activity, not to mention the others!) mean nothing, because at the end of the day we missed a concert and are the Worst Parents Ever. Just when you have finished reasoning with her and think she 'gets it' and understands that we are only human and trying her best, she starts again. We haven't even mentioned it in a week, and this morning she came downstairs out of the blue and said she had never wanted to play the clarinet anyway, she wanted a trumpet but we wouldn't let her so we ruined her music from the start. Gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Much more of this and I am going to do a Reggie Perrin. I don't know if she is a nice person hiding inside a nasty teenager, or if we have ruined her and she is just a horrible person, and that worry keeps me awake at night :,(

This sounds very much like my just turned 15 year old daughter. What drives us the most crazy is the more tired she is, the more she refuses to go to bed. Last night it was after 11.30, when we just left her to it. It's made worse by my husband having to get up for work at 4.45! (I would not mind if she jumped up out of bed in the morning, but again she refuses, and notion use with her alarm lock going off every 15 minutes for 90mins!!

But back to original post. She found it bar when I first started, she was 4. I found it easier if she was always the oldest child in the house, so she was never bossed around in her own home by other kids. I Tried to remember that although childminding is our job, our kids are not really consulted.

My youngest, now 8, has never known any difference, and could not imagine like with out the mum running round like the blue bottomed fly!

Stick with it, you will all come out the other side okay!