Giving Notice - Nervous, please help.

Hi all,

I have been looking after a now 8 year old after school for three years now. It has never been good and the childs behaviour has deteriorated at school. So much so that they don't know what to do with him anymore. He never does anything really bad but he is disruptive in class time and time again, children get hurt as he has to be the first at everything etc. The next step for him at school will be an exclusion centre. My son is the year below him at the same school so I would really like to keep my son away from somebody that acts like that.

He is not awful here but I cant walk out of the room for a moment and leave him there with other children and it shouldn't be like that. I often look after a 1, 2 and 3 year old so I have to keep a very close eye on him. I was going to terminate the contract as of September but thought I would give him his last chance but I have had enough. I have decided to give his mum a letter tomorrow.

Im really nervous. I have basically said in the letter that due to the childs unpredictable behaviour I would be unable to continue care into the new year. I have also stated that I need to free up some time to help my Mum and Dad (dad has just been diagnosed with cancer). I put that bit so that she cant really argue. I have to give 2 weeks notice and I am giving her more than that. I have also found and spoken too a few afterschool clubs etc., willing to take him on and am going to give Mum details.

Does this all sound ok? Any advice. Im dreading tomorrow, but thinking of starting 2014 without the child makes me feel amazing! Thanks for any advice x

Ofsted rules state caring for 8's and over must not be detrimental to the younger children of the setting. As his behaviour is detrimental then yes you are doing the right thing. I think it is also very nice that you are trying to source an alternative for mum. x

Personally, I wouldn't give the child's behaviour as a reason for giving notice.

I would just say that due to family commitments you are no longer going to be able to offer care. The fact that you have details of alternatives is helpful and can help soften the blow. If mum questions whether or not it has anything to do with the child's behaviour, I would just say that your reason for giving notice is that you need to free up more time for your family, but that you do feel mindee has maybe outgrown your setting and that you feel he would be a lot happier in an afterschool setting with more children of his own age.

By giving the family commitment reason, there really isn't anything mum can argue against.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes x

I agree with Mouse - I would always try not to give a negative reason for a termination of the contract :thumbsup:

Why don't you find out what the 'trigger' for his behaviour is and see if you can address that?
can you get help and advice?
You mention hid dad is not well and he is disruptive at school...I am not clear what an 'exclusion centre' is, why is he being excluded? what is the school doing to address his behaviour?

could you ask the school to share asking Mum's permission first?
what is happening at home if his dad is not well?
You say he is not 'awful' with you...maybe he feels safe as he has been there for 3 years so maybe he feels included in your setting...maybe he needs you to help him?

We are all different but I would never give notice on the basis that behaviour is 'deteriorating' ...my view of course

Thanks all for the replies. You are all so helpful. Where would we all be without this site?! I was at first going to just give the family commitment reason but then thought it might be best not too as she may well see me at the school with other children (I wont be doing afterschool pickups any more apart from once in a blue moon for a family friend but I do have to pick up my own son). What if she asks if I am getting rid of the others as well?

Simona - Its my dad that is unwell not his. I have been trying to address his behaviour for three years and got nowhere with it. I am in regular contact with the school and talk to him about his behaviour and still get nowhere.

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Originally Posted by mummyme

Thanks all for the replies. You are all so helpful. Where would we all be without this site?! I was at first going to just give the family commitment reason but then thought it might be best not too as she may well see me at the school with other children (I wont be doing afterschool pickups any more apart from once in a blue moon for a family friend but I do have to pick up my own son). What if she asks if I am getting rid of the others as well?

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Is he the only regular after school one? You can say you have decided to give up after school care to ease your working day, although will obviously be at school collecting your own son. A lot of childminders only look after pre-school children, so it's not unusual. Say that for now you are concentrating on the early years children and will make a further decision once you've seen how that works for you.

First of all well done for hanging on so long.

IMO you are right in your decision and it shouldn't be that you cannot leave a child alone for fear of his behavior and the safety of others. What a nightmare. I am sure you have done all you can and at 8 he is probably ready for the next stage of after school clubs where they cater more for children of his age (maybe you could sight this in your letter).

Good luck and you will feel a lot better when it's all over and I hope your father is coping well.

Take care and MERRY CHRISTMAS :D

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Originally Posted by mummyme

Simona - Its my dad that is unwell not his. I have been trying to address his behaviour for three years and got nowhere with it. I am in regular contact with the school and talk to him about his behaviour and still get nowhere.

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Sorry for my mistake...schools are notoriously reluctant to share info ..if you give notice just be honest and tell mum you are getting no help and therefore it may be best to find an alternative where he can be helped.

Thanks all , you have all really helped me and Im feeling a lot better about it all. Hubby is helping me to redo my letter. ill perhaps put it on here to see what you all think x

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Originally Posted by mummyme

Thanks all , you have all really helped me and Im feeling a lot better about it all. Hubby is helping me to redo my letter. ill perhaps put it on here to see what you all think x

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It's never easy giving notice, but make it as easy on yourself as possible by avoiding any chances of mum trying to get you to change your mind. Be prepared with your answers & stay strong. It sounds like you have enough going on in your life right now and really don't need any extra stress. Keep your sight on that peaceful new year!

Here's the letter!!!

Dear xxx

It is with painful regret that I must give you my notice of termination of contract. This is due to a number of reasons, most importantly the poor health of my father.

I also feel that sadly xxx has outgrown this setting which has a lot of younger children which makes giving a caring and stimulating environment for all mindees challenging.

I have enclosed a list of alternative settings which you may find helpful. Monarchs has come highly recommended and may suit yourself and xxx.

I hope this isn't taken negatively or personally by you or xxx and doesn't affect out relationship in the future.

It has been a pleasure to have played a part in xxx's life and watching him grow and develop.

Kind regards

I would make a few changes and try to make sure you don't make anything read like you can't manage X in your setting. Also, miss out the bit about hoping it isn't taken negatively as it might put the idea in mum's head when she hadn't even considered that it should change anything!

I'd keep it simple. Something like

Dear xxx

It is with much regret that I am giving you notice to terminate our contract.

Due to family commitments, mainly my father's current poor health, I am having to cut back on my work. From the New Year I will be concentrating on caring for pre-school children only.

I have enclosed a list of alternative settings which you may find helpful. Monarchs has come highly recommended and may be somewhere that really suits X now that he is older.

The last day of care will be X.

It has been a pleasure to have played a part in xxx's life and watching him grow and develop.

Kind regards

Mouses' letter gets my vote :clapping:

Short, sweet and straight to the point, with no room for mum to try and persuade you to move :thumbsup: