Feeling like its getting too much
I do love my job and have 14 kiddywinks to look after ranging from 14m-10yrs. I started minding in 2007 after being a nanny in London. I received a Good in Aug 2008 and another Good in March 2012. After really, really wanting an Outstanding and not getting it I was knocked back and lost my yearning for a while.
But about a year later started to want that Outstanding again and I've worked so hard to achieve it. But after working myself to the bone, analysing and thinking about every single thing I do, I'm starting to wear myself out. Not only is it hard enough to work a 10hr day with children, being constantly on the go all day to then finish at 6pm, make tea for my own family and try to get some family time its really taking its toll on me, my patience after work is zero and my own children and dh get the brunt of it.
Trying to constantly better myself is starting to get to me. I can't just get up in a morning and work, I have to think about what I could be doing better and sometimes I cant think of anything because everything has been thought of. I feel like I'm in a high powered job where I should be bringing in 100k, not 10k, I feel like the pressure is immense and after finishing my SEF, updating 4 LJ's and trackers, making sure my obs are up to date I feel so dragged down.
This used to be enjoyable, I love kids but now I just look at them as trackers and what's he going to do next? A simple 10 piece jigsaw turns into a observation and can she do a 12 piece next time? Snack time turns into 'maybe they should be cutting their own fruit'. I despise Ofsted and hate what they do and are doing, they are stripping out the enjoyment of looking after children and making it so difficult.
I don't know if i'm just tired or really fed up of this...... It could be the weather or it could be I had a busy weekend and I'm tired
Thanks for listening to my moans and groans. :(