Running out of ideas

I have a 21month mindee who's is terrified of getting dirty. If he falls over he screams until I wipe his hands. If he kicks the ball onto the flower bed I have to get it for him. He won't play in the sand pit or at the water table. I've tried shaving foam, jelly & gloop. Ive put spades in the shaving foam so he doesn't have to touch it but he won't go anywhere near it. He loves bubbles but has to stand the other side of the garden to watch them. If I even suggest going outside if it has rained he screams. If it looks like its about to rain I close the blinds so he can't see it. Otherwise getting him out to do the school run is nearly impossible.
We can't go to the park because the swings are dirty. He just sits in the pushchair crying until we go home.
Someone give me suggestions. I've run out of ideas :(

try a messy paint day? i have two here that arent quite as adverse. they are improving because we put rainbows of paint in a tray and the other one who doesnt mind getting mucky started making hand and feet prints with it. they soon saw it was fun and helped.

might work?

Paint is another big no. I've tried putting it in a zip lock bag so he can squidge it but I couldn't even get him to poke it :-/

I'm afraid l would ignore him, make sure he has something he likes out and then get on with messy play, if the ball goes in the flower bed say you get it l'm busy and carry on, if you and other children paint, play sand or water etc a quick we are going to play with....... and get on with it don't try and involve him he's probably loving the attention of you trying to persuade him, if he gets dirty a quick look acknowledge there dirty and say oh there alright we'll wash them later, in the park don't get him out of the pushchair give him a book and have fun.

I have a 2yr who doesn't particular enjoy getting his hands dirty. As soon as he gets anything on them he wants it wiping off so painting is always really hard. Over the months I've just left the paint on, saying "oh wow, look at the paint, i'll clean it off in a minute when I've finished sorting out this" he's learnt to wait and now it doesn't bother him.

But your little one sounds extreme. Sounds like a phobia. Personally I wouldn't distress him by taking him outside in the rain if he doesn't want to go out but I wouldn't close the blinds etc. Have you tried looking out the window at the rain, if so does he continue to cry after a while or does he calm? Maybe look from afar and then each time get closer to the window?

With dirty hands I wouldn't wash straight away, like a phobia its the first seconds of panic that sends people into a mad frenzy. After counting to 10 nice and calmly he may calm and realise its not so bad?

Have you tried puting an old tshirt on him and maybe putting some paint or dirt on his top first? Maybe some soil or anything really. Try that a couple of times then if hes ok with that go on from there.

I think I would use the same activities, but with non messy items. So for example if the others are digging in sand, you have a separate tray with duplo bricks and spades. If the others are painting, give him a completely dry paintbrush and place some leaves on a piece of dry paper. He can move them with the brush and observe cause and effect. Give him time to accept the tools with safe boundaries and then take the next step!
I'd also be talking to mum.

I close the blinds if its raining & we have to go out to do the school run etc. if he sees rain & then I say right we need to go he has a melt down. He's cried so much & so hard over it he's been sick before. Its just easier to have him strapped in the buggy with rain cover on before he sees the rain. If we're not going anywhere I leave the blinds open.
It's normally only him & an 8month. I do try to ignore it but most of the time he stands & screams as loud as he can if I do. That then sends other lo off.
He spends all day playing with the shape sorter, I try every so often to add new things like.... Ooooo let's see if the duplo animals will fit in the holes. He just says no & carries on. If it wasn't for snack, lunch, nap & school run he would happily sit & fill, empty & refill the sorter all day.
I've tried hiding the shape sorter & getting other things out in the mornings but he just cries for it.
I've tried talking to his mum about it before but she just says "he's a funny little character isn't he" very helpful

That all sounds like possible autism. all kids have things they do or don't do etc but he sounds very extreme, they need to take him to the health visitor.

Could you put the shape sorter into the sensory tray and put rice/pasta in with it and you sit and play with it, pouring the rice into the holes as he plays with the shapes.

What's he like with eating? If he's happy to get his hands messy when eating and distracted from worrying about being messy I would maybe think the rest is attention seeking behaviour and I would ignore it when possible. If he really hates his hands being messy when eating as well then I'd maybe suggest mum asks the HV just to rule out any sensory processing disorder.

What does he like to play with at home? If he happily plays with other toys at home then I'd be less concerned about autism. If likes the shape sorter would he like doing the chunky puzzles.

He had a full blown tantrum yesterday because I suggested he feed himself a yogurt. Never seen anything like it!
We played with shaving foam on Tuesday & I had a little bit on my arm when I went to help him take his shoes off, he backed away from me pointing at it & squealing!
He hasn't been with me for long. To begin with I thought he was attention seeking or just not settled yet. But the more I see of him the more I think it's just not right.

His mum isn't very easy to speak to & I don't think she would take kindly to me suggesting a visit to HV. The HV's around here like to 2 year checks the second they have their birthday. I have mums permission to discuss lo with HV to do the check so I'll tell her my concerns & get her to speak to mum.

I went & visited his house last week. Mum hadn't signed the permission form to take him the car & I wanted to go out the next day. You wouldn't even know a child lived there. No toys, no kids DVDs no pictures on the wall. It was so clean & tidy it was unreal.

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Originally Posted by Mrsh3103

He had a full blown tantrum yesterday because I suggested he feed himself a yogurt. Never seen anything like it!
We played with shaving foam on Tuesday & I had a little bit on my arm when I went to help him take his shoes off, he backed away from me pointing at it & squealing!
He hasn't been with me for long. To begin with I thought he was attention seeking or just not settled yet. But the more I see of him the more I think it's just not right.

His mum isn't very easy to speak to & I don't think she would take kindly to me suggesting a visit to HV. The HV's around here like to 2 year checks the second they have their birthday. I have mums permission to discuss lo with HV to do the check so I'll tell her my concerns & get her to speak to mum.

I went & visited his house last week. Mum hadn't signed the permission form to take him the car & I wanted to go out the next day. You wouldn't even know a child lived there. No toys, no kids DVDs no pictures on the wall. It was so clean & tidy it was unreal.

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Is this your answer to it then. if the child hasn't been in an environment that allows mess and toys are packed nicely away then he needs to learn that its ok. Possibly Mum has a bit of ocd about cleanliness and has passed it on to her child. She probably doesn't even know she is doing it,

At the moment I think it's his mums possible OCD that's the issue & not autism etc. I have just completely run out of ideas on how to get him to realise its ok to be dirty sometimes.
I will try putting the shape sorter in the sensory tray with pasta & rice & see if that works.

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Originally Posted by Mrsh3103

At the moment I think it's his mums possible OCD that's the issue & not autism etc. I have just completely run out of ideas on how to get him to realise its ok to be dirty sometimes.
I will try putting the shape sorter in the sensory tray with pasta & rice & see if that works.

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It will take time how many days does he come to you and for how many hours?

What about bubble wrap - sensory play that doesn't make a mess or gets him dirty :D

Could you try painting with just water and a paint brush on the patio - you say he doesn't like the water tray - what is he like with washing hands? - is there any aspect of that he likes - have you tried warm water and washing up liquid in the water tray?

I have a little one who is 18 months and we are getting there slowly with getting messy - at Xmas when I tried to do handprints in paint he was hysterical. Have tried shaving foam with him and pasta and painting, playdough etc - he is ok if he can use tools eg: spoons, brush, rolling pin but doesn't like touching things. He is getting better in garden now that he can walk - he refused to crawl on patio, deck, grass, plastic shower curtain or blanket I put down on patio.

Will your lo pick up chopped fruit (i have a thing about slimy banana - yuck) but what about blueberries and strawberries etc.

It does sound as if his home life is having a big impact on his development - does he feed himself anything with you - my 18 month old has been feeding himself with a spoon for nearly 6 months. Maybe you need to have a work with mum and explain that her tidiness / no mess attitude is causing serious developmental delays.

Well now you know where some of his issues are from. I would be concerned by his only wanting to play with 1toy and his extreme reaction to being dirty. They usually grow out of it but perhaps not this boy. Talk to hv

If he's not allowed to make any mess at home and is only allowed 1 toy out at a time then it's not a natural phobia, just a phase that's been passed on by mum and he's maybe worried about being told off for getting messy.
If mum's happy for you to talk to HV then I'd speak to her and then then if you're confident that there are no underlying medical issues I'd ignore any tantrum about the rain/yoghurt/getting the ball or the sorting toy not being available as these are just tantrums about something he doesn't want to do, all 2 year olds have these sorts of tantrums about 1 thing or another, so I'd treat it just as any other tantrum. I'd still help clean him up if he gets dirty and doesn't like it though.

If I know a child can feed themselves a yoghurt then I wouldn't spoon feed a 2 year old (unless they physically couldn't do it themselves) so I'd ask mum to send food that he's happy to eat by himself.

I wouldn't push the messy play until he shows an interest, there's some good ideas on here to hopefully spark his interest. It's going to take time and patience to help him with his fear without giving in to his tantrums.

I've ordered an aqua draw thingy. Hopefully he will use that. My ds has one but its in his room which is where he keeps his strictly only for his use toys.

I might ask the HV to speak to her about the cleanliness. I really don't fancy that conversation.

I had a three year old come to me after having been at nursery since 8 months old so lots of opportunity but he hated mess and would fix on one toy, absolutley hated change somuch so mum and dad weere nervous of changing anything. I just went along with him, offering him opportunities and offering tools so he didnt have to touch directly with his hands etc but always accepting no if that was his choice, same with toys, ever so slowly he would play with something else briefly and started to cope with small changes in routine, tiny baby steps it took months then one day he just plonked his hand in the wet paint and enjoyed squirming it around (very short episode) but from That day he never looked back.

He is such an easy going chap now, change doesn't faze him and he plays with a whole variety. The key with this little man was to go at his pace, letting him choose but the offer was always there.