Child has soiled nappy at drop off

Not sure if I am being unreasonable. Please give me advice. Thanks.

Baby comes to me 4 days a week. She can be dropped anytime from 8am. Usually dropped between 8.05am and 8.20am. I go out on school run at 8.30am.

One morning or sometimes 2 mornings a week Mum hands me baby at my door with a soiled nappy. Usually she will say, oh she has a dirty nappy or think she has just done a dirty nappy.

I then welcome child by carrying her into my front room and she waves to Mum at the bottom of my drive. This can take about a few mins as Mum blows kisses etc. I have another 2 toddlers following me in and out of the room.

When I change baby's nappy is isn't soaking so she has obviously been changed from night time napp.y Probably soiled nappy just as leaving house or in car.

2 mornings I have had to leave another mindee and parent waiting for me to open front door for them as I have been busy changing the baby's nappy. I know the baby could poo after Mum has dropped. Obviously then I would change her. I just feel very much like the hired help when Mum is telling me to change the baby as she doesn't want to.

I want to ask/tell the Mum to change the baby's nappy before she hands me her at my front door. I find it incredibly rude that she hands me her with a soiled nappy. I used childcare for my children and would change baby in my car or offer to in the nursery before handing over if nappy was soiled. Am I being unreasonable? How do I address this with the Mum? Dh thinks I should say to her, oh come in then and you can change her in here? Any advice welcome. Thanks.

I've only been minding this child for 3 weeks.

It's a tough one, because the child is probably quite regular and that's just the time she goes. The fact that the child has been changed from her night time nappy makes it more difficult for you to say something. It works both ways - sometimes we are just about to hand a child over and they soil themselves. I always offer to change the child in that situation (even when the parents are late at collecting, grrrr) and sometimes the parents say not to bother if they only live close by.

Does the parent drop off in the car? If she does it might be easier asking her to change the little one in the car before dropping off at yours. You would have to be totally honest with her and tell her the exact reasons you mentioned (not the bit about feeling like hired help, lol). It depends how comfortable you would feel having her in your house to change the baby, sometimes it is just less hassle doing it yourself.

I would be tempted to say that as you have to change her nappy then you won't be able to wave at the window this morning because you can't magic extra time into your day (maybe word it better than that!).

I guess opinion will be divided on this one to be honest. Is it possible that it is the 'way' that mum mentions the nappy that is bothering you? You do have my sympathies.

Thanks Maza. Yes she drives to mine. Which is why I feel she could quickly change her in the car as she must smell it as soon as she lifts her.

I know this happened to me a few times on route to dropping my children off at childcare. I always changed my child in my car. I wouldn't have dreamt of handing a child in with a dirty nappy. She has her bag every morning that she hands to me with nappies, wipes, nappy sacks. So it's not as if she doesn't have nappies on her. Think I feel it is just incredibly rude.

Maza- you are right. If she said "oh she has just dirtied her nappy, can I come in and change it" I would have said no it is fine I will change her.

Also, the baby likes me to hold her and sit down with her on my lap for 5/10 minutes after waving Mum off. I have tried to put her down before she is ready and she gets upset. So I have to wait at least 10 minutes before I can change her. Some days eating into me being able to get out the door in time for school run.

Maza, agree, think I will say to her on Monday, that when she hands her to me with a soiled nappy it can take 10 minutes before I am able to change her nappy. As it can take 10 minutes to settle her. That it would be easier on baby if she could manage to change her in the car before handing her to me.

Oh that's a hard one.

Mum has obviously changed the nappy so its hard when they do it on route to you. Personally I don't like changing children in a car (I will if its absolutely desperate) but Mum might not know till she gets the baby out of the seat. I understand why Mum is handing over as you have the changing mat etc and its easier than in a car.

Personally it wouldn't bother me and I would just take the child in and change the nappy cuddles would wait until I had done.

I wouldnt expect a mum to come in and change a nappy when they are on the way to work.

Just goes to show how different things rattle different people for me its the child constantly knocking on the door till I open it. Makes me grind my teeth everytime.

The child goes at the same time each morning then, it just happens to be not at the convenient time for adults. Parents need to get off to work, you need to start the school run.

I would ask mum to come earlier and adjust my morning routine a little so that I can change child as soon as .... But that time is more than 10 mins after arrival. If mum is late then I would ask her to change child - in my home not the car- much more relaxing way for the child to start the day, as it is too late for you to be able to settle, change and start the journey to school.

If the child is so regular, you may be able to pop over the toilet/potty which may help with time it takes to clean up? This used to be the old fashioned way when babies were 'toilet trained' early. ( not a big fan of this myself though).

I have a 13 month old who generally arrives with a dirty nappy- parents are very apologetic and it is just that she 'goes' in the car!
I have no problem changing the nappy when she arrives, although this has been during the hols so how I'll manage with school run just after she arrives, I am not sure. I'd never expect a parent to change a nappy in the car! I don't like doing car nappy changes so would not expect a parent to do it reguarly, and I think it would upset the child anyway I just get prepared to do a quick change as soon as they are in. I don't have others arriving the same time, though.

Hello Trickiedickie :waving:

I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable, but then I don't think I'd find it such an issue myself. That's just a different approach, not about who is right and who is wrong.

I expect a couple of 'soiled on arrival' cases each week. I guess I experience mild annoyance, then accept it as just part of the job.

I've noticed a lot of lo's will poo into a clean nappy, so mum's initial morning change might trigger the poo. Or maybe it's the motion of the car or routine that does it. I've no scientific basis for any of these theories. I have a schoolie whose mum would bring along his 3yo brother from nursery when she collected. The 3yo would always dash into our toilet to do a poo the moment he was in the door. No reason for it: I even checked with nursery and they reported no anxieties about using their toilets.

With a trapped nerve and a propensity to bang my head, I'd never try to change a nappy in a car, and I'd not expect a client to either: just wouldn't cross my mind. I suspect Ofsted (not to mention a lot of parents) might see in-car nappy-changing as far from ideal and welcoming. I can just see the Nutmums thread: "My CM expects me to change my princess in the BMW. I think it's her job as she has a warm, comfortable house and a proper facilities. It's what I'm paying her for and I have a 'stressful' job to go to and can't be late. Am I being unreasonable?.................."

When a baby arrives here in need of a change, it tends to be that both I and the mum offer to change them at mine. I'd certainly never expect a mum to do it, particularly if we were already on the contracted time. The way I see it, I'm being paid to care, so I do the caring. But that's me.

The fact that you and I have different approaches to this suggests that your client and mine might also have different views. Your client might very well take the view she's paying you to do a job so why should she have to change a nappy on the time she's paying for?

I think you need to decide whether you can 'suck it up' and not let it bother you, or steel yourself mention it to her. Not easy, but far better than
the consequences of letting it rankle: CM/client arrangements can deteriorate very quickly from the gentlest of 'slippery slopes'. Or try a new mindset: can you see change-time as a positive opportunity for bonding through a caring routine and a chance to sing and communicate? (tbf, I have no idea if my babies regard my god-awful singing as a 'positive' experience, but they're stuck with it until they get potty-trained, so maybe it motivates them to achieve that particular developmental milestone asap. ;) )

Two things strike me as potentially problematic; I'll address these now.

Because you've been prepared to change the baby so far, that's fixed it as an expectation. Pulling back from that could be perceived as 'being difficult' or a reduction in the quality of the service.

I notice you say, "...she hands me her at my front door." From this, I infer that mum does not come indoors. I know opinions differ on 'doorstep handovers' versus 'welcoming them into the house' - I prefer the latter, but this is not a value judgment. But in this case, if you're not letting mum in the house, you're making it very difficult for her to offer to change baby indoors (and she may well think it inappropriate to change her in the car.) She might be very happy to come and change baby indoors, but if she thinks your house is off-limits, maybe she'd afraid you'll be 'offended' at her asking to come indoors?

As I say, you're not 'wrong' - but you do have to look at the other view and accept how the situation has developed before you can decide where to go from here.

Thanks. Think I am being a tad unreasonable. Nice to get others opinions on it. I will smile sweetly this week ;)

Yes think if she was a bit apologetic (though know it's not her fault) then I would be fine. It's just the "think she has a dirty nappy" or not acknowledging it at all that has rankled.

I will be more accepting next week.

It's amazing how the same message, said in two different tones, can cause us to react so differently.

As diets change so do bowel habits and so in a few weeks/months the child will probably be on a different 'bowel movement timetable' and so this issue will become a thing of the past. However, mum could continue to make you feel like 'hired help' in other ways if she has a manner that just irks you, so watch out for anything that needs nipping in the bud. x

On the whole the Mum is very pleasant. There have just been two other incidents that I've felt she could have been politer about. I feel I am ready for future incidents but the dirty nappy thing I will just have to accept.Thanks Mazza.

I wouldn't have any problems in changing the babies nappy but then again I don't do school runs so can understand that time is precious in the morning. Maybe say to the mum occasionally that you are just in the middle of getting something ready eg: a craft for when you get back home or peeling potatoes for the children's lunch and could she pop in and change the nappy in your hall.

I have the same problem at home time, a child will get down from eating his tea about 4.50 and I will check nappy (still clean), check again at 4.55 still clean, check at 5.00 just as I'm opening the door to his dad and child has poo'ed nappy! I have tried slightly early tea but it just seems that 5 pm is poo time. I always change dirty nappies regardless of whether parent is there or not.

If it's clear its been changed since the night time nappy then i wouldn't take issue with it. I also wouldn't expect it changed in the car. I would only have an issue of it hasn't been changed at least once since waking up.

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Originally Posted by hectors house

I wouldn't have any problems in changing the babies nappy but then again I don't do school runs so can understand that time is precious in the morning. Maybe say to the mum occasionally that you are just in the middle of getting something ready eg: a craft for when you get back home or peeling potatoes for the children's lunch and could she pop in and change the nappy in your hall. I have the same problem at home time, a child will get down from eating his tea about 4.50 and I will check nappy (still clean), check again at 4.55 still clean, check at 5.00 just as I'm opening the door to his dad and child has poo'ed nappy! I have tried slightly early tea but it just seems that 5 pm is poo time. I always change dirty nappies regardless of whether parent is there or not.

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Grr I hate it when this happens, looks bad on us :-(

I used to have an lo that would poo on arrival at mine cos mum would change him in car if i wasnt back from school run. I know cos i would see her put his dirty nappy in my wheelie bin as i walked up the road. If i was there she would just bring him in and ask for my change mat and just get on and do it herself, despite my saying not worry and i'd do it. Said lo would also do a poo the minute i answered the door to parent in the evening! So she would just change him herself (apart from when he played up for her and i would take over). I used to joke it made me look like i never changed los pooey nappies. But it was obvious it was just his regular time! The morning one gradually got abit later over time.