Challenging behaviour when being collected

**Burgoyne1982** · 20-02-2013, 04:04 PM

Hi all, I am after some general advice from childminders on their experiences of mindees who suddenly exert challenging behaviour when they are collected. I have a couple of mindees that can become very challenging towards their parents/carers when they come to pick them up, generally being disobedient and acting out. I usually leave it in the capable hands of the parents to do as they see fit but I almost want to try and help prevent it from happening if I can. Any hints or tips would be gratefully received

**tarak** · 20-02-2013, 08:59 PM

Glad its not just me who has this problem then! I have twins who are lovely all day then as soon as mum walks in they are a nightmare and takes me nearly 15 mins to get them to the door! They start running around screaming and shouting and when mum tells them to 'come on its time to go' they completely ignore her. They then refuse to walk to the car and insist on being carried!! they are nearly 4!! Think mum thinks im a bit of a tyrant as i put on my stern voice and basically tell them that their behaviour is not acceptable and they will walk! Think if i left it to mum they would still be here an hour later!

Sorry not much help just wanted u to know your not on ur own! lol

**funemnx** · 20-02-2013, 09:05 PM

Shoes and coat on, bag ready, knock on the door - no coming in, the hall door is shut so children can't go back in when you open the front door, just 'Bye, see you soon!'

I know it doesn't sound very friendly but if you let parents know you will be doing this to minimise their stress on collection, they will be onboard. If you need to tell them something you can call them, e-mail them or text and they have the daily diary too

**Daisy1956** · 20-02-2013, 09:39 PM

I too am experiencing a very similar problem. The children are ok until parents arrive then mayhem. If I put shoes on one the other starts running about. I tried having them ready but dad sometimes arrives at different times. Last week took mum 15 mins to fasten child in car while doing that other child jumping on front car seat. I need to take control but not sure how to.

**Mouse** · 20-02-2013, 09:53 PM

First of all I explain to parents that their child's behaviour is perfectly normal! Over the years I have looked after so many little angels during the day who turn into little horrors at home time!
I take control & tell parents how we will deal with it. I also tell children what will happen at home time & remind them as we're going to the door.

I find that very often parents don't want to be left to deal with it. They're probably tired after a day at work (yes, I know we are as well, but at least we're getting rid of the little darlings!), they don't want to start telling their children off as soon as they see them & they don't want to look like a horrible parents in front of us.

If possible I have the children ready to walk straight out the door. If not, I tell them to stand still while we do shoes & coats. I shut the gate to the playroom so they can't get back in & stand blocking them going into the front room. If the try, I tell them they're not going in there & to stop messing around!

If they still play up I say "right, mummy is going home without you. Say goodbye to her". It's amazing how quickly they get ready to leave, although I'm waiting for the day one of them calls my bluff and tries to stay

**mazza58** · 20-02-2013, 09:55 PM

I only let parents come into the hall and have children ready with bags and coats and shoes ready, I inform parents that until their children leave my house the house rules still apply and i will tell their children off if they do something that they know they should not be doing even if their parent is there or not.

**phoenix2010** · 20-02-2013, 10:01 PM

I have a 3 yr old , absolute angel all afternoon , as soon as Dad knocks on the door about 6pm he kicks off

wont put shoes on , hits dad , runs upstairs

tried everything , star chart worked for a while then stopped

so now , I get his shoes and coat on at 5 minutes to , and I dont open the door to Dad until he is ready to go out the door and is behaving

then open door , tell him hes been an angel all day and wave him off , i dont let dad in the house anymore

It works great, im happy , Dads happy and child goes away with praise ringing in his ears rather than fighting with Dad all the way to the car

You do need to explain you are going to do this and why , ie its for the childs sake as the behaviour only gets him into trouble so you may as well avoid it if possible , it can look a bit rude otherwise , but luckily his parents think that its great

**newbie** · 20-02-2013, 10:02 PM

I have always had similar problems and then I put in a recent newsletter that their kids would always b ready with shoes and costs on at the door. Unfortunately one of my parents arrives sometimes 45 mins early which makes it difficult and her LO becomes a complete nightmare!!!! He won't put shoes on, runs up my hallway stairs even though I have said SO many times that the stairs are out of bounds

. This evening was no different and when I tried to force the issue of him getting ready he stuck out his tongue at me and then hit me!!!!!! And mum did nothing

**phoenix2010** · 20-02-2013, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by newbie

I have always had similar problems and then I put in a recent newsletter that their kids would always b ready with shoes and costs on at the door. Unfortunately one of my parents arrives sometimes 45 mins early which makes it difficult and her LO becomes a complete nightmare!!!! He won't put shoes on, runs up my hallway stairs even though I have said SO many times that the stairs are out of bounds

. This evening was no different and when I tried to force the issue of him getting ready he stuck out his tongue at me and then hit me!!!!!! And mum did nothing

I would tell that parent that they ned to let me know if they are coming early

failing that you will not open the door to them until the child is ready to go , they will just have to wait outside until you have done shoes , coat etc

I would also tell them that I dont tolerate children hitting me and if it happens again in her presence I would expect her to deal with it appropriately

you do not deserve that , and she should not be accepting that either , I would be horrified if my child hit his childminder

**Mouse** · 20-02-2013, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by newbie

I have always had similar problems and then I put in a recent newsletter that their kids would always b ready with shoes and costs on at the door. Unfortunately one of my parents arrives sometimes 45 mins early which makes it difficult and her LO becomes a complete nightmare!!!! He won't put shoes on, runs up my hallway stairs even though I have said SO many times that the stairs are out of bounds

. This evening was no different and when I tried to force the issue of him getting ready he stuck out his tongue at me and then hit me!!!!!! And mum did nothing

Oh, that is bad.

Have you tried leaving parents outside the door until the child is ready? If mum says nothing about the behaviour it's probably because she can't deal with it, so would rather ignore it. It might be a relief fir her if you said you weren't going to open the door until mindee is completely ready. Or, if he does it again, try telling mum to go away & wait in the car. It is really surprising how quickly mindees get ready to go if they think they're being left behind!

**serin** · 20-02-2013, 10:23 PM

I am lucky because the children I have had in my care have not been too bad but it is very common for them to get excited when the parents arrive. In the past, at that moment I let it go and then the next day I say that their behaviour was unexceptable and that when mummy/daddy arrives we must great them and get ready to go and that we must not jump and get over excited. So far this has worked

**Stapleton83** · 20-02-2013, 10:24 PM

I have an after schoolie who acts up not because he doesn't want to go but just because he wants mum to feel bad that she has left him. He regularly cries and runs for a cuddle as if he has had a terrible time and I then try to reassure that he has been absolutely fine and had a nice time but always wonder if she believes me.

Then he wants her to carry all his stuff as well as run round him and put his coat and shoes on - it drives me nutty as I cannot imagine one of my two children even wanting me to help, but they are both girls so too independent.

I would go with the being ready ahead of time and if you have a parent who picks up early tell them to call you or text as they are leaving work so that you can have their little angel ready to go when they arrive or they aren't reaping the benefit of leaving early

Sam

**newbie** · 20-02-2013, 10:25 PM

I have decided after this evenings antics that parents will have to wait outside until LO is completely ready to go! They never, ever deal with his bad behaviour and in fact DAD just laughs at it.....LO is a cheeky chappy and cute with it but he has now over stepped these boundaries for me personally especially with the hitting and tongue poking out

. However I am very aware that MY boundaries are very different to his parents

**Carol-Ann Woods** · 20-02-2013, 10:34 PM

I have in my behaviour management policy that while children are in my home, whether parents are there or not, that I deal with the behaviour until they are out my door.

I also have a treat basket at the door that the children can chose from but only after they have their shoes and jackets on etc, if they play up etc, there's no treat, it's amazing how effective it is, even with the wee toddlers who are quick to learn the no shoes etc on feet, no treat!

**jillplum** · 21-02-2013, 08:18 AM

It is very common for kids to turn from angels to devils as soon as pareent arrives lol. I try to have them out the door as quick as possible to minimise the uproar. I keep parents in the hallway and bring kids and bags etc to them. Once they are out of the door I dont look to see whats going on but I have in the past had to go out and give a child a good talking to so Mum could get him into his car seat

**caz3007** · 21-02-2013, 10:06 AM

I had this in the past and text mum to say that I wouldnt answer the door until mindie was in her pushchair (she was delivered and collected in her buggy) as she used to make it stressful for both of us and it worked, we did it for a couple of weeks to break the habit and then it was fine after that

**migimoo** · 21-02-2013, 11:04 AM

I did the same as Mouse...I had a chat with mum on her own and put it as "i'm sure you don't want to be telling X off the second you come in so shall we say that while X is in my house then I'M in charge not mummy....how do you feel about that? I may come across as being a bit abrupt-getting her ready quickly and leaving you at the door but let's give it a try!"

Told LO the new rules the next day (she's 3) and LO wasn't given time to think the next day at hometime and we'd stopped the behaviour by the end of the week!
Mum did say that she struggled to keep a straight face though,especially listening to me saying "now that's QUITE enough of that young lady-we DO NOT do that in my house do we?!" with a very stern face (i've known mum for years)

**newbie** · 21-02-2013, 09:02 PM

Well after being slapped around the face AGAIN today by mindee, I had to pull mum in for a chat this evening

. She looked really upset when she left but I had to put my foot down!

**phoenix2010** · 21-02-2013, 09:03 PM

Absolutely , and how ridiculous that she needed telling thats not acceptable

**loocyloo** · 21-02-2013, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

First of all I explain to parents that their child's behaviour is perfectly normal! Over the years I have looked after so many little angels during the day who turn into little horrors at home time!
I take control & tell parents how we will deal with it. I also tell children what will happen at home time & remind them as we're going to the door.

I find that very often parents don't want to be left to deal with it. They're probably tired after a day at work (yes, I know we are as well, but at least we're getting rid of the little darlings!), they don't want to start telling their children off as soon as they see them & they don't want to look like a horrible parents in front of us.

If possible I have the children ready to walk straight out the door. If not, I tell them to stand still while we do shoes & coats. I shut the gate to the playroom so they can't get back in & stand blocking them going into the front room. If the try, I tell them they're not going in there & to stop messing around!

If they still play up I say "right, mummy is going home without you. Say goodbye to her". It's amazing how quickly they get ready to leave, although I'm waiting for the day one of them calls my bluff and tries to stay

i DO have one who says 'ok, bye whoever is picking LO up, see you tomorrow' !!!

i always say ... well, if you don't go home, you can't come back. luckily no one has worked that out yet !!!

for the first year of having one particular mindee i used to have to take mindee out to the car and strap LO in myself, otherwise parents would still be there half an hour later 'persuading' LO !!!