same sex parents-family project

**LittleLamb** · 01-07-2008, 11:49 AM

Hi everyone...I'm going to do a project on families which will include different scenarios such as one parent/separated and families from other countries etc. I would like to include same sex parents as I have 2 same sex parent families within my extended family and I think children need to see that it does happen.

My query is that maybe some parents may not want this taught to a young child.....has anyone got any experiences that they can share with me and should I ask parents permission? I'm a bit wary of introducing this. THANKS

**barbarella68** · 01-07-2008, 11:58 AM

I would ask parents permission,if I was a parent and somebody did this with my son without permission I would be very angry. I think my son is too young for this type of information and the parents will know the child and how they may take it.
So I would explain to the parent the reason you want to do this,they may be fine but some may not.

**LeeAnn** · 01-07-2008, 12:25 PM

I think it sounds like a fun project. I think you should get some feedback from parents before starting but I would prob do that for any project.

I am not sure I would think they are too young as it is just a fact of life, I guess it will all depend on how much detail you go into. I wouldnt like my LO to hear the birds and the bees too early I guess so prob double check to be on the safe side.
x x x x

**Pedagog** · 01-07-2008, 12:32 PM

I don't think it is necessary to highlight same sex couple to children so young, unless they are likely to be involved in the situation themselves (ie have or are about to have same sex parents). I also think this probably a subject best left for the child's parents, as it can lead to some very awkward questions.

As a parent I would not be happy with someone else telling my children about same sex couples.

A gentler introduction may to get some books with same sex couples, or maybe just have male or female dolls in the dolls house, but I wouldn't make a big issue of it.

**barbarella68** · 01-07-2008, 12:52 PM

I definetly (is that how you spell it?)agree with Charlotte.
My son is 5 and he is far too young.

**wendywu** · 01-07-2008, 01:03 PM

I would not do same sex families with under 5s. If you do go ahead i would ask first.

**LeeAnn** · 01-07-2008, 01:25 PM

not wanting to start a debate or anything but I am just wondering why you all feel so strongly?

I am guessing it wouldnt be too detailed (as it is under 3s) and families are made up of many different "varieties" to me including same sex parents are along the same lines of teaching the kids about adoption, guardianship, Gran's and grandads , aunts and uncles being carers.To me it is no bad thing for all of these to be understood by children

I do agree though that talking about all of these things would require parental consent as the timing is of personal choice for the parents

x x x x

**Tatia** · 01-07-2008, 01:31 PM

I agree with LeeAnn. I can't see how gently introducing children to the idea that all families are different (be they ethnic, single, extended, same sex, divorced/re-married) is in any way a bad thing, even from an early age. I don't think I would highlight it, per se and make a big deal of it but would definitely include maybe some books depicting same sex families, colouring pages fo a wide range, that sort of thing so that it is 1 of many families.

I make it clear from the get-go to all parents that I do not discriminate for any reason (age, race, gender, sexuality, socio-economic, religion, ability) and that my resources will promote a wider understanding of the world. Obviously, it should be handled sensitively but I think it's a great idea.

**Tatia** · 01-07-2008, 01:34 PM

Meant to add, I wouldn't seek permission but I'd mention it to parents and hope that they'd trust my judgement enough to know that I'd handle it sensitively and with age-appropriate resources and information.

**Rubybubbles** · 01-07-2008, 01:35 PM

okay then! My sister and her partner have just been to stay with me for a long weekend (went home today

) I told parents about it just incase anything was said (I was going to just say well I can't work then tbh!) but they is no problem, but I def wouldn't make a point of saying to the children about it all, as far as they were conserned My childrens Auntie and Auntie were staying! even my own child who is 6 hasn't grasped the fact, he takes it in his stride

Sorry if this offends but not alot else to add

let us know how your project goes

**Tatia** · 01-07-2008, 01:37 PM

Ruby, that's exactly my point. Children don't know it's an issue until it's made into an issue by adults! They just accepted their two Aunties and got on with it. I think that's wonderful and well done, you!

**ruby** · 01-07-2008, 04:17 PM

one of my mindees has two mums he has been coming for about 2 yrs

never been any problems the children just accept it.

cathy

**wendywu** · 01-07-2008, 04:50 PM

If they come across it in life then that is Ok as they would think they are friends. But doing a project pointing out that they are like a couple living together sleeping in the same bed like a mum and dad i think could be a little bit too much at 2 3 4 or 5.

**LittleLamb** · 01-07-2008, 04:51 PM

Thanks - had a load of interesting replies! My Auntie and her wife have brought up two children (Father is my Aunties prev partner) from a very young age and it hasn't seen like an issue and I personally wouldn't have a problem with my daughter learning about same sex couples but as I said before everyone has different views and I must respect how the parents feel. I think I will mention it and keep it subtle and not make a big issue out of it. Not sure how I'm going to go about it yet as I only just thought of it last night during Equal Opps Training!

**wendywu** · 01-07-2008, 04:53 PM

Im waiting for the book to come out, mummy teddy bear is on the game and daddy bear is doing time.

**kindredspirits** · 01-07-2008, 04:57 PM

i can't see the problem - its not like you're going into details is it - i imagine more like, annie has two mummies - kids don't really care about the ins and outs of it all.

**wendywu** · 01-07-2008, 05:17 PM

Except that Annie has not got two mummies, she has mummy and mummy has a partner. Then what about Daddy.

Children do take notice my mindee age 3 always askes the 4 year old why he has not got a dad, where is his dad, why does he not see his dad and so on.

They noticed when a lady in the playground who was pregnant and lost it. They kept asking me where her baby was and why if the lump was gone did she not have a baby.

**Tatia** · 01-07-2008, 05:24 PM

Which is why it should be explained that all families are different and sometimes there are 2 mummies (if a lesbian couple choose to raise their children that way)AND a Daddy, if he's in the picture. Or not, if he isn't, which isn't much different than some single-parent families I look after, though in my case, it was no mummy in the picture, just Dad. My friend's children have two mothers and a Daddy, only she's a step-parent married to Dad but children still think of both of them as Mom.

Kids are observent. It seems silly to try and hide a perfectly natural, legal fact of life. I don't mean all the details (heck, I don't go into detail about nor do I want to see hetero couples loving each other up either!), just positive images of all sorts of families living and loving together.

I hope I'm not coming across as argumentative. It's just a subject I'm particularly passionate about.

**Trouble** · 01-07-2008, 05:26 PM

i wouldnt know how to begin with that one

let us know and i might try it

good luck

**crazybones** · 01-07-2008, 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by kindredspirits

i can't see the problem - its not like you're going into details is it - i imagine more like, annie has two mummies - kids don't really care about the ins and outs of it all.

Actually I do have 2 mummies - my birth mother (who Ive never met - nor do I plan to) and my "REAL" mum who adopted me as and little one