same sex parents-family project

**Heaven Scent** · 01-07-2008, 07:21 PM

I used to teach a little boy from a same sex family his mum was a lesbian his dad had access too but from what I can remember the mum and dad were in a relationship when he was conceived, it was in 1989 so I don't remember much about the circumstances he would be about 24/5 now. I do remember him sharing things at circle time about the mum and girlfriend eg. "****pinched my mums bum in bed this morning" none of the other children blinked an eye children are just so accepting of whatever is presented to them take fairy stories for instance- they take all of them at face value and cartoons like Tom and Jerry when one gets squashed and bounces back into their former shape in no time.

I was working in a private school in South Manchester at the time - its closed down now and most of this group of children had been together since the age of 2 and were now between 5 & 7 and out of the blue one morning at arrival time one of the little girls looked at a little black boy (- a real darling) as he arrived and then addressed the mother also black - whole family black Jamacians and said why is E*****'s face that colour? As the Mum and I were in conversation we tried to let it pass but she was like a dog with a bone and wouldn't let it drop until she got a reason and I just said that when we are in the sun a long time some peoples skin goes brown and referred to mine as I'd been to Florida and said that the longer we spend in the sun the browner it gets and if we are born and live in some very hot countries our skin can be very brown and that E******'s grand parents were born in a hot country and so all their children and grand children were brown but a little bit lighter than them because they now lived in England. The Mother was really upset at the time and left in tears because she didn't understand the innocence of the childs question - she wasn't being racest she had just noticed something she hadn't noticed before about this boy. Its ironic that it was that particular child who noticed as her mother was half the age of her father and she was no spring chicken so whenever the dad came to pick the little one up some child was bound to say "A**** your Grandad is here" and she would just look them in the eye and say he's my daddy and was never upset by what they said. None of the other children were being nasty but were just saying things as they saw them and none of us staff ever corrected them or made an issue of it and they just accepted it. Just like the boy whose mums girlfriend pinched his mums bum in bed that morning. I don't think things should be hidden from children but there is no need to make an issue of differences in any way we just need to take it all at face value and be open to accept people for who they are and I'd only draw attention to things if they do and be as open as possible if they ask questions.

**LittleLamb** · 01-07-2008, 09:43 PM

I can remember when I first come accross racism as a child-I over heard a lady telling her child they 'they do not watch videos with black men in' (strange thing to say..i know!) I couldn't understand as it didn't occur to me that people might think this way!

**wendywu** · 02-07-2008, 07:08 AM

Heinz have just been forced to pull an advert for Deli Mayo that showed a same sex family having breakfast. It was two males and their children. One said goodbye love see you tonight and gave the other a peck goodbye. All innocent and children as you say take everything at face value and its all part of life.

BUT they had thousands of complaints and it was deemed it was not suitable for family viewing and had they kept it it would have had to go out after the watershed. So the general national consensus is that this is not age appropriate.

This is a completely different from discrimination.

**angeldelight** · 02-07-2008, 07:09 AM

Oh I heard about that Wendy

Angel xx

**Blackhorse** · 02-07-2008, 08:28 AM

I think it would be a good idea. ...If it is portrayed as a normal variation of family life.

It seems to me children would not make a big deal of it but rather the parents and I am just wondering if some adults would now not react so strongly about it had they been introduced to this concept as normal when they were kids

I have my own thoughts on this and I would like to share them but I hope I am not offending anyone ( as I really don't want to) but it seems to me that this is a subject that many people (like the Heinz add shows) have a personal problem with and are therefore unwilling to show it to their kids as normal. It feels as though people feel the need to protect their children from this information..and I am just wondering why that would be. I am not old enough to have experienced it myself but it must have been similar for single mums a while back when this was seen as somehow bad./shameful..(this is from what my granny tells me anyway)

I believe that if children are raised from an early age in a way that teaches them about all sorts of variations on life (be it culture, religion, sexuality, gender ..etc) and that these are all perfectly normal and acceptable we might reach a point some day were they all actually are.

Also I am not sure why it would be age inappropriate as long as it is covered sensibly without details you would not share about any other couples....

I would still inform the parents though as there is so much debate about it and I think it is better to be on the safe side.

I hope this makes sense as I found it difficult to explain what I think... especially since I am still without coffee this morning

**wendywu** · 02-07-2008, 11:08 AM

I think the best idea is to ask the parents what their views are and at what age they would like it broached.

We are not fair as a nation though as i would like to know why in 2008 any high ranking member of the royal family is not allowed to marry a Roman Catholic. How is that for all religions are equal

When Peter Phillips married recently his wife had to change to C of E.

I am C of E i just find it strange.

**Twinkles** · 02-07-2008, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by wendywu

I think the best idea is to ask the parents what their views are and at what age they would like it broached.

We are not fair as a nation though as i would like to know why in 2008 any high ranking member of the royal family is not allowed to marry a Roman Catholic. How is that for all religions are equal

When Peter Phillips married recently his wife had to change to C of E.

I am C of E i just find it strange.

Because in the unlikely event that he inherits the throne , he becomes the 'head' of the Church of England.

I would not want anyone teaching my child about same sex families ( not under three's anyhow ). You must be very careful to be sensitive to peoples religions/beliefs. As a Christian I would want to talk about the subject from a Christian view point.

**wendywu** · 02-07-2008, 12:38 PM

Why cant the head of the church of england be married to a Catholic? Would that not bring people together.

Ahhh what if the heir to the throne was gay then, would he be allowed to take the throne when his time came. Would he be allowed to live in a same sex partnership as King of England?

**Twinkles** · 02-07-2008, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by wendywu

Why cant the head of the church of england be married to a Catholic? Would that not bring people together. Never going to happen

Ahhh what if the heir to the throne was gay then, would he be allowed to take the throne when his time came. Would he be allowed to live in a same sex partnership as King of England?

Can you imagine the uproar

when there was so much fuss about the heir marrying a divorcee.

**Pedagog** · 02-07-2008, 03:09 PM

Okay here is my experience. My best friends daughter was 3 at the time, friends brother lived with his male friend. The daughter was taught all about same sex couples by well meaning nursery. Friend had to then explain that no her brother was not in love with his friend.

And then you have my youngest son, who has asperger's and asks very straightforward questions, when he was about 5 he found out, well worked out that friends of ours were a same sex couple, mainly as they only had one bed in their one bedroom flat, soon after he saw them out with my friends daughter (3) from a previous relationship, my son marched straight up to them and innocently asked how two man had manged to have a bay, which one had been pregnant. Whole can of worms trying to explain that to someone else's child, bad enough with your own.

As I said before, have books with same sex couples in, maybe have just one sex of dolls in the dolls house, but why teach it, by teaching it you are making a big thing of it.

**Heaven Scent** · 02-07-2008, 05:32 PM

As I said before, have books with same sex couples in, maybe have just one sex of dolls in the dolls house, but why teach it, by teaching it you are making a big thing of it.
Today 02:53 PM

(Sorry Newbie I can't do the quote thing so I'v put the quote from your post into red.)

I agree entirely with what you have said Newbie I was really tired last night (and sober to boot) when I wrote the post and went all around the houses this is what I meant by children take things at face value I just don't see any point in making a big thing of it as if the idea is around them then they will absorb it - no need to make an issue of it as doing soo suggests it may be questionable.