Help...Parent takes long time to leave after collecting child!!!

**cleaning fairy** · 01-04-2014, 12:44 PM

Oh my.....I need help. I have a new starter (3 weeks now). Anyway, when her mum collects her she just stands there, SAYING NOTHING!! What I mean is, ding dong... Hi!! Come in come in. We (well I) talk about the day and hand over the daily diary. I hand mum the baby bag and I'm making all the right noises as in 'see you tomorrow then" and mum JUST STANDS THERE STILL NOT SAYING ANYTHING!!!! She doesn't talk back to me very much at all. The other children then start to come in the hallway and she comments on how loud they are (they are loud they're getting things ready to go out on the school run) She's making me really anxious and uncomfortable. I've now got to the point where I'm getting the other little ones ready for the school run earlier and earlier just so that we can escape. She arrives around 2.30pm and is still JUST STOOD THERE SAYING NOTHING at 2.50pm. What else can I say to her??????? My husband has noticed this too so its not just me!! How can anyone not realise when its time to go or time to end a one sided conversation???? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Im not a horrible person, just one who needs 2 people in a conversation and I'm a busy person too!!)

)))

**tess1981** · 01-04-2014, 02:16 PM

Can you say I can't stop to chat any longer getting ready for the school run must not be late. I will see you tomorrow. I also tell parents oh must go see to the other ones this is when they play up and most accidents occur. .. or a sign on your door.... parents have 5 mins to chat or incur a penalty lol

**Maza** · 01-04-2014, 04:44 PM

I'm glad it's not just me, lol! Tonight is my night to get tough - (am getting nervous about it now, 25 mins to go!). I have the opposite to you though - dad says to much, and loudly! Last night he actually started playing hide and seek with the little one. I was so cross all evening and woke up at the crack of dawn still thinking about it. Yes, I should have put my foot down ages ago, I know. I have the little one suited and booted ready to a quick hand over but he plays with him in the garden! I is a communal garden too which is what is stressing me out - little one crosses the boundaries with dad. Dad said "feel free to go in, you don't have tó wait until we are gone" (he has to strap little one onto his bicycle) thinking he was being polite and considerate! Hubby said I should just go in but I feel like the LO would be out of control if I wasn't there a
and feel like my neighbours would complain. Last night he stamped on two flowers in the flower bed and then stamped on our drain cover and dad doesn't even notice. Sorry, have taken over your post with my rant!

**cleaning fairy** · 01-04-2014, 05:06 PM

Thanks both of you... when you read someone elses misery it seems to make it a little better!! LOL The sign on the door is a great idea, I think it should be compulsory. How did it go?? telling the dad?? I NEED to know how it was taken.....

When Mum arrived today her little one had just woken up (after 2.5 hours) and I told her that she had not had any dinner/milk because of this....she seemed disgruntled at having to take the little one home to feed her, at least I got a reaction!!

or

Please let me know how things went and hopefully you can sleep better tonight. Sweet dreams

**blue bear** · 01-04-2014, 05:41 PM

I'd have lo ready to go before bell goes and just handover at the door say goodbye and close it.

Otherwise you are going to be be blunt and say, you need to go now I've got to get on and open the door for them to leave.

**kellib** · 01-04-2014, 05:45 PM

I always say 'let me get the door for you' if there's anyone lingering around too long!

**cleaning fairy** · 01-04-2014, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by kellib

I always say 'let me get the door for you' if there's anyone lingering around too long!

Whoooooo.... I like that idea.... Hopefully I can try that one!!

**angeldelight** · 01-04-2014, 07:45 PM

I have been in that position in the past

I just say " ok see you tomorrow have a great evening " it works every time

Angel xxx

**alwaysright** · 05-04-2014, 10:50 PM

this isnt a parent thing but my 12 year old daughter has a friend like this who just stands there, answers questions with yes or no, makes no conversation etc etc....my poor daughter squirms as she finds it so uncormfortable so just babbles on!! without sounding funny do you start to babble to make up for her silence? maybe she sees this as communication so stays longer cos thats certainly what this friend of my daughter does and its awkward! what about doing a doorstep handover rather than her coming in the house and then saying i'll have to go i need to get others ready for school??

**cleaning fairy** · 07-04-2014, 11:08 AM

Thanks Alwaysright.... I think that's probably it, I'm sure I do start to babble now its been pointed out!! I hate awkward silences and that's whats so uncomfortable about it all. I dont think I could a doorstep handover that would seem impolite to me, I always ask parents in. Maybe I should just stop talking myself... now that would be odd!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the response

**karen2010** · 07-04-2014, 07:21 PM

Ha ha you sound like you have a great personality so find it hard communicating with someone who hasnt!
I read advice on here where someone did a quick chat, handed over the diary, and said "there you go its all in the diary" I have tried that and seems to work much better for me!
Having had a Childminder for my Daughter for 4 years,(5 years ago) and being a terrible picker-upper (I could easily stay an hour) I think my over-staying Parents are Karma for me doing that!
But looking back I wanted to get to know and communicate more with the person who had all day looked after my beautiful,adorable, most gorgeous creation and I suspect thats what most Parents may do too - its only now on the other side on the fence I realize how knackered she must have been and desperate for me to go but was too polite to say it!
We are still friends though !!!!!!!!!!

**cleaning fairy** · 10-04-2014, 09:56 AM

Well its been a few days now since my post and I'm pleased to say I think I've got it sorted! The 'Let me get the door for you' trick is working a treat!! I say all I need to say, I've stop babbling to fill in the gaps and when I've finished I just walk to the door saying, you've guessed it... let me get the door for you, ask the other little ones to say Bye and off mum goes.....its like a dream...THANK YOU for the replies and the support

Im so pleased

**jackie 7** · 11-04-2014, 02:01 PM

Just had an idea. How about saying why don't you help me clean up as we chat!

**watford wizz** · 11-04-2014, 02:33 PM

Or "must do end of day, could you add these figures up for me whilst I right them down" x

**tess1981** · 11-04-2014, 03:43 PM

Or would you mind helping me sort the evening tea lol

**blue bear** · 11-04-2014, 06:58 PM

Or hand her the Hoover and say, whilst you are stood there.....

Simona · 13-04-2014, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by cleaning fairy

Oh my.....I need help. I have a new starter (3 weeks now). Anyway, when her mum collects her she just stands there, SAYING NOTHING!! What I mean is, ding dong... Hi!! Come in come in. We (well I) talk about the day and hand over the daily diary. I hand mum the baby bag and I'm making all the right noises as in 'see you tomorrow then" and mum JUST STANDS THERE STILL NOT SAYING ANYTHING!!!! She doesn't talk back to me very much at all. The other children then start to come in the hallway and she comments on how loud they are (they are loud they're getting things ready to go out on the school run) She's making me really anxious and uncomfortable. I've now got to the point where I'm getting the other little ones ready for the school run earlier and earlier just so that we can escape. She arrives around 2.30pm and is still JUST STOOD THERE SAYING NOTHING at 2.50pm. What else can I say to her??????? My husband has noticed this too so its not just me!! How can anyone not realise when its time to go or time to end a one sided conversation???? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Im not a horrible person, just one who needs 2 people in a conversation and I'm a busy person too!!)

)))

Reading your post I take it this parent collects just before your school run and, as a result, your routine is being disrupted especially, as you say, the other children may become a bit loud to attract your attention and want to get on with the task in hand of 'getting ready for the school pick up'
there is a good example of school readiness in your children who want to get on with their routine and listen to your instructions

maybe you could point this out to her and ask her if she needs time to discuss something specific to do so straight away and then...after that...you can get on with giving the children your full attention
Good luck

toddlers896 · 14-04-2014, 05:27 PM

i have one that takes ages to go but its not because they like to chat its because the child wont get in the car and farts about and dad doesnt have the balls to be the boss. she picks my flowers, stands on my flower beds, throws my dogs balls everywhere, just no control whatsoever. I just say goodbye now and shut the door and let him deal with it. I have a sneeky peek out the window and can see him struggling to get her in the car and this can go on for about 20mins. Crazy,crazy crazy.

Simona · 15-04-2014, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by toddlers896

i have one that takes ages to go but its not because they like to chat its because the child wont get in the car and farts about and dad doesnt have the balls to be the boss. she picks my flowers, stands on my flower beds, throws my dogs balls everywhere, just no control whatsoever. I just say goodbye now and shut the door and let him deal with it. I have a sneeky peek out the window and can see him struggling to get her in the car and this can go on for about 20mins. Crazy,crazy crazy.

I am sure your situation is one we can all identify with...several come to mind with me
the child who has been excellent under our childminding 'house rules' and behaviour guidance....turning into a different little person at pick up times and how sad is the sight of that especially when parents 'seem' unable to take control?

It also shows we and parents have 'different strategies' and that adds to the confusion...working in partnership comes to mind here as well.

My strategy for dealing with that is to actually ask the children...and listen to their reasons...no matter their age as long as they are verbal and able to reason:
why do you think of your behaviour at pick up times?
what do you not like at pick up times?
why do you pick the flowers when your parents pick you up but do not do it under our house rules?

Surprising what the children say!!