Allowing children to eat food in shops before paying for it

[Chimps Childminding]

i certainly wasnt trying to justify myself if my son is hungry ill feed him if it means using the milk before iv paid for it he still isnt one yet and does not understand wait for food and i will do the same for my 12 day old daughter if needed

But why not take milk with you if you know he/she might need a feed whilst out


Copy & pasted from Nature's kids -
(however, I wouldn't do it so much in certain areas where I know shoplifting is a problem, simply bc I don't want there to be a misunderstanding. I'm these occasions kids are happy to wait, as they understand there are exceptions to the rule. In our local tecsos they all know me and my kids anyway If the kids are happy to wait on occasions why can't they wait every time

Sorry I'll get off my soap box, but it is something I really get annoyed about

[rickysmiths]

Lol - thats the problem, we go shopping because weve run out of packets of raisins etc. Or they've eaten them already as we've been out all day!
Also, everyone who has said they do allow it always make sure they don't give items that need to be weighed, but always make sure it's got a bar code, like from multipacks (such as, for us, organix cereal bars - boxes of 6, bags or boxed raisins, box of 4 smoothies etc)
And like I said earlier, at checkout they offer to bin the empty wrapping! Really no problem at all lol!

(however, I wouldn't do it so much in certain areas where I know shoplifting is a problem, simply bc I don't want there to be a misunderstanding. I'm these occasions kids are happy to wait, as they understand there are exceptions to the rule. In our local tecsos they all know me and my kids anyway :)

Sorry but double standards or what? If they can wait in one situation they can wait in another surely? One day you'll go into Tesco and they may have a new not so understanding Manager

[EmmaReed84]

I have done it before when shopping. My LO was suffering badly with teething and needed some relief he was so upset. I pick up some teething gel and used it. Also if I am doing a shop and my kids are thirsty. I suffer terribly with thirst and always need a drink.

It is not theft until you leave the store. You can actually legally sit and munch your way through the crisp isle and not be stopped, as long as when you leave you pay for it all.

If I have ever had to give a child something for whatever reason I ALWAYS make sure I make a point of saying "put this at the top of the basket, we have to still pay for it." and I ALWAYS put it on first and tell the check out lady that I have opened it and they are always fine with it.

I dont give in to my kids if they are just having a temper trantrum, makes me say no even more, not give them something.

[stardust]

I'm not into threatening children to "make" them "do as they're told". They are always included in the shopping too. Comparing a mindees mum raking through your cupboards is a totally different thing too as its a personal space whereas supermarkets are public.

if you had read my post properly you would have seen that i said your mindee raiding your cupboards and mindee's mum not giving a monkeys.
how is it different? the fact is and always be that the food is not yours until it is paid for.

As for threatening children I do feel you have exaggerated. I don't threaten them I simply refuse to reward unwanted behavior.
On all of my trips shops with mindees I have never had any of the children screaming for food. Simply because I do not allow them to get to the stage where they are that hungry the feel they have to scream for it.
I only shop for ingredients or resources as it encourages a knowledge of how things work for example paying for things before they are used.

Also you may see it that I 'threaten' my children to behave well as they are so well behaved but it clearly works. Maybe you should try it if yours scream?

However I feel feeding the children to behave is worse than telling them something will go back on the shelf after all you are installing into the children the routine of 'i'm not happy so I will eat and that will make me happy'. This encourages comfort eating, bad habits and can encourage an unhealthy diet in later years.

I wonder what parents views are on this because I would flip if my son kicked off for food whilst shopping and i got 'xxxxx gives me something from her shopping' I would actually remove my son as in my eyes you would be telling him it is okay to steal. I prefer my child was shown how be patient and respect what does not belong to them regardless of whether they intended to pay for it.

Also what happens if you have given the children something to eat and something happens? A child chokes and ends up needing immediate hospital assistance? what do you do then leave the shop without paying? then you would be a thief. or do you pay for the items before seeking medical attention? which would then make you negligent.
Hows that for 'food' for thought.

If you always feed them could you not take food from home?


Thank you to rickysmiths and t0ffee for defending the views of a child threatening adult simply because I refuse to reward unwanted behaviour and agree with discipline and encouraging good manners and respect.

[RainbowMum]

Funny how i see it when i have to go to Asda but never when i go to Waitrose

Perhaps because the average family can't afford to shop in Waitrose

As I've already said, I dont have a problem with it for my own children, I only take mindees for task specific shopping, never a big shop - and in fact now mine are older I can't remember the last time they had something - it was when they were very small and only on rare occassions.

However, what bothers me is the judgemental attitude, that I am a bad parent because my opinion differs to those who don't allow it. I don't give a hoot how you parent but don't label me because I have a different way!

If the supermarket were bothered they could very easily discourage it, a sign to say it is not allowed for example.

Live and let live I say

[rickysmiths]

if you had read my post properly you would have seen that i said your mindee raiding your cupboards and mindee's mum not giving a monkeys.
how is it different? the fact is and always be that the food is not yours until it is paid for.

As for threatening children I do feel you have exaggerated. I don't threaten them I simply refuse to reward unwanted behavior.
On all of my trips shops with mindees I have never had any of the children screaming for food. Simply because I do not allow them to get to the stage where they are that hungry the feel they have to scream for it.
I only shop for ingredients or resources as it encourages a knowledge of how things work for example paying for things before they are used.

Also you may see it that I 'threaten' my children to behave well as they are so well behaved but it clearly works. Maybe you should try it if yours scream?

However I feel feeding the children to behave is worse than telling them something will go back on the shelf after all you are installing into the children the routine of 'i'm not happy so I will eat and that will make me happy'. This encourages comfort eating, bad habits and can encourage an unhealthy diet in later years.

I wonder what parents views are on this because I would flip if my son kicked off for food whilst shopping and i got 'xxxxx gives me something from her shopping' I would actually remove my son as in my eyes you would be telling him it is okay to steal. I prefer my child was shown how be patient and respect what does not belong to them regardless of whether they intended to pay for it.

Also what happens if you have given the children something to eat and something happens? A child chokes and ends up needing immediate hospital assistance? what do you do then leave the shop without paying? then you would be a thief. or do you pay for the items before seeking medical attention? which would then make you negligent.
Hows that for 'food' for thought.

If you always feed them could you not take food from home?


Thank you to rickysmiths and t0ffee for defending the views of a child threatening adult simply because I refuse to reward unwanted behaviour and agree with discipline and encouraging good manners and respect.

Good thought. I wonder if she risk assesses eating on the move? oh and has her First Aid Kit to hand?

I do find it interesting that so many children are apparently sooo hungry in between meal all the time. It is not a problem I have ever had. In fact every time I go to the supermarket with mindees I have people coming up and talking to me and the children complimenting them on their very good behaviour.

Just had a wicked though! Next time I'm in Tesco I'll borrow a cardi when I'm chilly. Oh I must stop, slap hand!!

[stardust]

Good thought. I wonder if she risk assesses eating on the move? oh and has her First Aid Kit to hand?
I do find it interesting that so many children are apparently sooo hungry in between meal all the time. It is not a problem I have ever had. In fact every time I go to the supermarket with mindees I have people coming up and talking to me and the children complimenting them on their very good behaviour.

Just had a wicked though! Next time I'm in Tesco I'll borrow a cardi when I'm chilly. Oh I must stop, slap hand!!

I have breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner and my mindees never ask for food in between unless we are doing an activity and i let the lick their own spoon or the left over bits if they are edible (don't need cooking ect)

Being i am a completely different generation from you (im 21) i dont think its about age and being an old bat so to speak but how we think and regard our community, values and what we deem to be acceptable.
It annoys me that people can be so irresponsible fine if you want to do it with your children the fine but for pete's sake not with other people's children show a bit of professionalism i know they want home from home care but parents at least expect their childminders to be a good influence.
The thing is how you are with your children and how you are with mindees should be completely different (in regards to doing as you please). For example if you let your children watch tv all day, eat sweats and make exceptions such as eating in a supermarket then fine that's how you wish to parent then fine.
With mindees its completely different as they are someone else's children and you have duty of care to up hold the parents wishes, ensure the children's standard of care and well being are at a professional level. I personally don't think you can say it is either professional or good practice to allow children to eat food that hasn't been paid for, fine it could be a multi pack but what about the fact they haven't washed their hands. The amount of germs on things in a supermarket are extraordinary for example how can you be sure that the previous child who sat (less than 2 mins ago) in the trolley didn't dribble all over the bar and have tb? you just cant be too careful. And you can not wash the fruit if its apples from a multi pack. What about chokeing or a child is given something its allergic to (you can all of a sudden become allergic to things or be allergic to variations in food- I cared for a little girl who was fine with green grapes but was allergic to red grapes.) What about people walking past coughing and sneezing near the food?

Fine I will admit I analyze far too much but at least I consider everything so the chances of me being caught short are low.

Still even if she had a first aid kit, if a child choked and stopped breathing an ambulance would need to be called as CPR to bring them back to life is more common with drowning victims so she would just be keeping the oxygen going round the body to minimize brain damage. So then does she pay for the item or put the child first.

In this situation the shop would let it slide for the sake of the child but it would still be stealing as she left the shop without paying.

She would also have the fun task of explaining to Ofsted why the child was eating in the shop.
If the child could not be resuscitated she would indeed be found negligent and would loose her registration as there is actually no need for the child to be eating whilst in a shop. Her duty of care is to ensure the child has appropriate meals whether she provides or parents provides them so in a case like that there would be no need for the child to be eating in between meals and they would ask why she has not set aside appropriate time for the children to sit down and have their lunch.

Touch wood it wouldn't happen but it does only take a split second, a jerky movement, the child laughing ect.

[Playmate]

I have breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner and my mindees never ask for food in between unless we are doing an activity and i let the lick their own spoon or the left over bits if they are edible (don't need cooking ect)

Being i am a completely different generation from you (im 21) i dont think its about age and being an old bat so to speak but how we think and regard our community, values and what we deem to be acceptable.
It annoys me that people can be so irresponsible fine if you want to do it with your children the fine but for pete's sake not with other people's children show a bit of professionalism i know they want home from home care but parents at least expect their childminders to be a good influence.
The thing is how you are with your children and how you are with mindees should be completely different (in regards to doing as you please). For example if you let your children watch tv all day, eat sweats and make exceptions such as eating in a supermarket then fine that's how you wish to parent then fine.
With mindees its completely different as they are someone else's children and you have duty of care to up hold the parents wishes, ensure the children's standard of care and well being are at a professional level. I personally don't think you can say it is either professional or good practice to allow children to eat food that hasn't been paid for, fine it could be a multi pack but what about the fact they haven't washed their hands. The amount of germs on things in a supermarket are extraordinary for example how can you be sure that the previous child who sat (less than 2 mins ago) in the trolley didn't dribble all over the bar and have tb? you just cant be too careful. And you can not wash the fruit if its apples from a multi pack. What about chokeing or a child is given something its allergic to (you can all of a sudden become allergic to things or be allergic to variations in food- I cared for a little girl who was fine with green grapes but was allergic to red grapes.) What about people walking past coughing and sneezing near the food?

Fine I will admit I analyze far too much but at least I consider everything so the chances of me being caught short are low.

Still even if she had a first aid kit, if a child choked and stopped breathing an ambulance would need to be called as CPR to bring them back to life is more common with drowning victims so she would just be keeping the oxygen going round the body to minimize brain damage. So then does she pay for the item or put the child first.

In this situation the shop would let it slide for the sake of the child but it would still be stealing as she left the shop without paying.

She would also have the fun task of explaining to Ofsted why the child was eating in the shop.
If the child could not be resuscitated she would indeed be found negligent and would loose her registration as there is actually no need for the child to be eating whilst in a shop. Her duty of care is to ensure the child has appropriate meals whether she provides or parents provides them so in a case like that there would be no need for the child to be eating in between meals and they would ask why she has not set aside appropriate time for the children to sit down and have their lunch.

Touch wood it wouldn't happen but it does only take a split second, a jerky movement, the child laughing ect.

Very sensible non judgmental advice

[curlycathy]

Rickysmiths - I have just choked on my tea at the thought of going into tesco and wearing a cardi round the shop!!!! Am actually starting to think, given some of the justifications on here, that its not a bad idea when going down those chiller aisles

(if anyone sees any mad women cackling round tescos in cardis you'll know who it is now!!!!)

And I'm 39. So I agree - I don't think its a generational thing.

[JulieA]

I've just come into this debate and missed all the good bits.

Anyway, in my opinion No, No, and definately No. For several reasons:

1) for the same reason I don't allow eating in my car - risk of choking.
2) wouldn't do a full shop with mindees anyway, so wouldn't anticipate a long shop. However I do always have drinks and snacks in my bag (packed alongside my changing bag) - they may just be biscuits or raisins, but are on hand if needed.
3) shopping trip would be timed to fit between normal meal times Or a visit to the supermarket cafe - either before or after shopping
4) not wanting to instill the behaviour that if you want it now you can have it. Today a cereal bar, tomorrow a toy, and the day after the latest i-phone!

Stealing issue aside (yes I think it is stealing - it does not belong to you until purchased) I think it is inconsiderate, bad manners and disrespectful.

[RainbowMum]

Just because I allowed MY small, non-verbal toddler a packet of raisins whilst doing a big family shop does not make me a bad parent. I have never allowed a minded child to do this but then I have never taken a minded child on a big family shop!

With regard to chocking - would it then be ok if child was eating something that parent/minder had brought with them? Do you NEVER eat away from home - picnic, beach etc? A child sitting quietly in a trolley eating a box of raisins is at no more risk than a child sitting eating any where else! In the event of a medical emergency whether it be a pregnant woman taking a swig from a bottle of water of the shelf and then passing out, or a child chocking - I would return later to pay.

With regard to not being able to pay once you got to checkout - I have on more than one occaision put a trolley load of shopping through a checkout, only to find I had left my purse at home (yes I am a ditz ) The shop has a code to put in till which checks it out without paying - the shopping is held at customer services (they offer to put chilled/frozen in cold store) and I rush of red faced to get my purse

My children are 6 and 9 now, they certainly would not be allowed to eat something not paid for, I am also often complemented on their behaviour and manners, I have never had to 'lay down the law' I have taught by example and explanation.

I'll say AGAIN - Do not judge me a bad parent just because my opinion and principles are not the same as yours!

[kellib]

Just because I allowed MY small, non-verbal toddler a packet of raisins whilst doing a big family shop does not make me a bad parent. I have never allowed a minded child to do this but then I have never taken a minded child on a big family shop!

With regard to chocking - would it then be ok if child was eating something that parent/minder had brought with them? Do you NEVER eat away from home - picnic, beach etc? A child sitting quietly in a trolley eating a box of raisins is at no more risk than a child sitting eating any where else! In the event of a medical emergency whether it be a pregnant woman taking a swig from a bottle of water of the shelf and then passing out, or a child chocking - I would return later to pay.

With regard to not being able to pay once you got to checkout - I have on more than one occaision put a trolley load of shopping through a checkout, only to find I had left my purse at home (yes I am a ditz ) The shop has a code to put in till which checks it out without paying - the shopping is held at customer services (they offer to put chilled/frozen in cold store) and I rush of red faced to get my purse

My children are 6 and 9 now, they certainly would not be allowed to eat something not paid for, I am also often complemented on their behaviour and manners, I have never had to 'lay down the law' I have taught by example and explanation.

I'll say AGAIN - Do not judge me a bad parent just because my opinion and principles are not the same as yours!

Couldn't agree more, certain people on here moan about the nastiness on ***** but then come on here and judge us as parents

[crazyXstitcher]

i certainly wasnt trying to justify myself if my son is hungry ill feed him if it means using the milk before iv paid for it he still isnt one yet and does not understand wait for food and i will do the same for my 12 day old daughter if needed

Yes you are.

Feed him before you go or take something with you that you've already paid for. It's not hard.

[Nature'sKids!]

Btw... I'm not minding (yet) and do this with my own children, not with mindees. So "she" doesn't have to worry about ofsted or negligence... Seriously lol

Also, when it takes you 2 hours to get to the shop and back snack time is always during the time we're out. Never mind that on some days kids are more hungry than on others - growth spurts anyone?
And the whole choking thing - so now you're saying that it is totally irresponsible to feed your child anything at any time away from a table? Even if the raisins are your own? Or is it just a case of "if he'd choke you'd have to leave without paying" well... I'm sure nobody would care a hoot about money if a person needed immediate medical attention.

And ... You're talking about ***** being nasty and judgemental... Well THIS is judgmental.
Everyone has different opinions, and that's fine. As long as those opinions are respected(!!!) the store I shop at doesn't mind. That's all that matters.

[RainbowMum]

Yes you are.

Feed him before you go or take something with you that you've already paid for. It's not hard.

Its statements like this that totally get my back up - iIne you have your opinion and I applaud you for your high morals but dont be so rude and judgemental

IF you had read the orgional post from Tinkerbelle - she said that her sons bottle had leaked out in her bag - therefor had gone prepared but circumstances changed!

I can see from this thread that I am in a minority group - and I am not saying I am right in my opinion - but it is my way of doing it and it does not affect you in the slightest. You don't like it so you don't do it - thats great - stop judging me and my way - or get a job as a store dectective and come tell me off to my face!

[keeks]

Just wondering if any of you let your mindees do the above?

Personally I always make them wait until we have paid for the items but I am well aware that my views are often considered to be old fashioned these days.

Oh dear, such and innocent questions seems to have stirred a lot of feelings!

I confess I haven't read all the posts, so reply is really only for the question above.

It would never occur to me to do so. I wonder if it is a cultural thing, being that I grew up in Sweden? I have sometimes seen people do this and the first time I was really shocked! How old fashioned am I???

xx

[stardust]

Btw... I'm not minding (yet) and do this with my own children, not with mindees. So "she" doesn't have to worry about ofsted or negligence... Seriously lol

Also, when it takes you 2 hours to get to the shop and back snack time is always during the time we're out. Never mind that on some days kids are more hungry than on others - growth spurts anyone?
And the whole choking thing - so now you're saying that it is totally irresponsible to feed your child anything at any time away from a table? Even if the raisins are your own? Or is it just a case of "if he'd choke you'd have to leave without paying" well... I'm sure nobody would care a hoot about money if a person needed immediate medical attention.

And ... You're talking about ***** being nasty and judgemental... Well THIS is judgmental.
Everyone has different opinions, and that's fine. As long as those opinions are respected(!!!) the store I shop at doesn't mind. That's all that matters.

No i am not saying that a child should be sat at a table every time they eat. When it is a planned meal such as lunch ect then you have set aside a reasonable amount of attention and supervision, whilst shopping you cannot do this so it will take you a longer time to respond.

My issue is not with you doing it with your children but with mindees which would have become clear to you if you had read my posts properly.

As for being like ***** the phrase pot- kettle black comes to mind. I gave my view just as you did and they are completely different.
To be honest as you accused me of 'threatening' my children because i said i would tell them that something would go back on the shelves is a complete over exaggeration and a very dramatic statement on your part. It could have come straight from ***** to be quite frank.
As you are not yet minding maybe you should take a couple of the posts posted into consideration such as just because you do it with your children doesn't mean you should do it with your mindee's and if you do feel the need to do so think about all the risks involved. Maybe at your pre-reg inspection you can run this past ofsted and see what your inspectors views are on you giving minded children food from a shop that hadn't been paid for prior to eating. They will most probably highlight the risks that I have.

Also I would like to add I AM NOT JUDGING anyone who gives their own children un-paid for food but those that do it with mindee's as it is unprofessional and a minder with a good routine and practice would not need to.

[Nature'sKids!]

Nobody has said they do it with mindees unless I missed that, and I think that everyone agrees not to do it with mindees unless there is a real need. (in which case it would be an exception to the rule, not double standards...)
And if a child eating in a seat in the trolley right in front of me would start choking I would notice immediately as he would only be a few inches away from me so there wouldn't be a delay in reaction at all. In fact I'd be there quicker than having to try and get round the table and climb over the bench to unstrap a child from the booster seat in the kitchen diner lol.
I do also feel that saying "do this or this will happen" is a threat (as in behave, stop whining or I'll put it back on the shelf an you won't be having it. Basically, you're not allowed to express your feelings / needs and to make you comply I'm going to threaten you with the consequence of not having what you want right now at all bc I can do so) of course it "works" it's emotional blackmail.

[Nature'sKids!]

Anyway I'm bowing out of this now as I realise my above statement will not be understood by the majority. If anyone is interested as to why I feel that way id recommend reading "Thetrouble with A's, praise and gold stars - punished by rewards" and "unconditional parenting"

[stardust]

Nobody has said they do it with mindees unless I missed that, and I think that everyone agrees not to do it with mindees unless there is a real need. (in which case it would be an exception to the rule, not double standards...)
And if a child eating in a seat in the trolley right in front of me would start choking I would notice immediately as he would only be a few inches away from me so there wouldn't be a delay in reaction at all. In fact I'd be there quicker than having to try and get round the table and climb over the bench to unstrap a child from the booster seat in the kitchen diner lol.
I do also feel that saying "do this or this will happen" is a threat (as in behave, stop whining or I'll put it back on the shelf an you won't be having it. Basically, you're not allowed to express your feelings / needs and to make you comply I'm going to threaten you with the consequence of not having what you want right now at all bc I can do so) of course it "works" it's emotional blackmail.

Of course they can express their feelings and wants but everyone has to learn they cant always have what they want when they want. You see it as emotional black mail but i see it as teaching my child an understanding of how the world works.

You are intitaled to your views and its not your views I have an issue with its the way you express them and I am not the only person that you've have annoyed with your comments not just on this thread but countless others.

As for being able to get to mindee faster if they are in the trolley..... if you are concentrating on what you are buying and not on the child then you'll hardly notice it in a nano-second and the shopping trolley seats are hardly the easiest to get children out of in a hurry.