Hello...long time no speak to! Advice Please!

**Schnakes** · 05-10-2011, 08:23 AM

Hello everyone....to those who remember me from many moons ago!!

So...Im back in search of some advice.....I have a screamer!!! He is 10 months old - Ive had him since 1st August and basically, if hes not on my lap, hes screaming. He comes four days a week, full days. Im at my wits end. I was on the brink of tears yesterday morning at the toddler group. Its impossible to give the other children the level of care and attention they deserve because Im constantly having to deal with him.

Im really tempted to give notice to the parents - I cant take much more of this. It starts as soon as I say goodbye to dad at 7am and doesnt end till his mum picks up at 5.

I dont like giving up on kids, but hes just not settling - can anyone give me any advice, before I do something drastic?

Thank you xx

**rosebud** · 05-10-2011, 08:27 AM

How long has he been with you?

**Schnakes** · 05-10-2011, 08:34 AM

Hes been with me since 1st August - two months x

**JCrakers** · 05-10-2011, 08:39 AM

I had an 8month old 4 days a week for 10hrs a day and boy would she scream. It was soooo loud and newborn like that I stuck it for 8 weeks and had to give in.

Nothing I would do would help (excpet carry her all day) which I couldnt do and wouldnt do..she wouldnt eat either. The other children were getting so fed up and I was becoming snappy and hated my job. A problem I had with my arm 8yrs ago was starting to return from carrying her and my lower back was suffering.

One Tues I went to toddler group and she screamed the church down, I had Mums looking at me and I thought this is it...not only is it impacting my heath and the happiness of my mindees and my own two children and husband but now its starting to affect my business.
Giving notice was the best thing I did, Mum knew it was coming as I had been very truthful in the Diary. She went to a nursery in the end.

If its really starting to affect you, please give notice because its just not worth the stress.
A year on and shes back with me as Mum never wanted a nursery. Now shes an angel (cries for a minute when dropping off) and loves coming

**Schnakes** · 05-10-2011, 08:45 AM

You have nailed exactly how Im feeling, even what you said about your back hurting from carrying him all the time. I actually sat down this morning and started looking for jobs, then I thought - this is ridiculous, I love my job - its just HIM!!! So I came on here!!

I cant help but think - if I give notice, in four weeks time he might have settled and then Ive lost a client!! And damaged my reputation by saying "I cant cope with your kid". Thats also thoughts in my head at the moment. Its driving me mad!!!

But yeah - Im on the brink of a nervous breakdown with this child!!

**rosebud** · 05-10-2011, 08:50 AM

What about if you set yourself a deadline so you know theres a light at the end of the tunnel one way or another - knowing this makes it easier to cope with. Say if it hasn't got any better in 4 weeks time (for example) then you will give notice. In the meantime do everything you can to help him settle (which I'm sure you're already doing), start each day assuming he's going to cry all day and if he doesn't it will be lovely surprise! If there is no change by the deadline then you give notice. Even if it comes to this you will feel that you did everything you could to improve the situation rather than feeling that you've given up on him. Hope that makes sense.

**Schnakes** · 05-10-2011, 08:57 AM

Thats a really good idea... thank you.

Any tips to help him settle? (Other than have him attached to me all day!).

Sx

**JCrakers** · 05-10-2011, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by Schnakes

You have nailed exactly how Im feeling, even what you said about your back hurting from carrying him all the time. I actually sat down this morning and started looking for jobs, then I thought - this is ridiculous, I love my job - its just HIM!!! So I came on here!!

I cant help but think - if I give notice, in four weeks time he might have settled and then Ive lost a client!! And damaged my reputation by saying "I cant cope with your kid". Thats also thoughts in my head at the moment. Its driving me mad!!!

But yeah - Im on the brink of a nervous breakdown with this child!!

We are all Human and the best of us will get stressed at the situation. I am usually a very calm stressfree person but after 8 weeks of listening to a screaming child was affecting me. I hoped it would get better but each morning when I dragged myself out of bed dreading each day it was just the same.

In 17yrs I have never not been able to soothe a baby/child.
Some children just dont settle and the fact of it is probably wont. My mindee is ok now after returning after a year but If I had kept her on I probably wouldnt be childminding now as I would have gone potty..

I remember going on the school pick up every morning and I would have comments from people 'she still going then' 'I could hear you coming' which was all fun and games which I laughed off but the reality was 'yes.....she was still going on'
They were probably thinking why cant she settle the child, is she a good childminder if she cant get the child to stop crying?

Weigh up the pros and cons of it...for me the money was good but it just wasnt worth the stress. Do you feel mentally able to carry on or are you totally drained?
Becky x

**tracey36** · 05-10-2011, 09:06 AM

i have a screamer started with me in july and was getting to my wits end he constantly wanted to be held even if i sat on the floor with him he still had to be on my lap and if any other child came near me or him he would scream, i spoke to the parent who admited as soon as he cried she picked him up so it was learnt behaviour, what i did was put to put him on the floor for 5 mins at a time to get him used to it he screamed the place down the first few times but i persisted with it leaving him a bit longer each time till he knew i wouldnt immediatley pick him up he still has days where he will scream but mainly when he is tired he knows at mine he isnt picked up straight away and seems to be working maybe invest in some earplugs in the mean time

x

**rosebud** · 05-10-2011, 09:23 AM

I would keep him close to you but as the last poster said not necessarily holding him, So sitting on the floor playing next to him whilst talking to him. Try not to leave the room without him more than necessary, (not always possible!) and if you are cooking put him in a highchair next to you and keep talking to him. He will still cry to begin with but hopefully will learn over time that you are still there. Ask mum if there is a special toy or comfort object he can bring from home. I'm sure you're probably doing all this already but can't think of much else you can do.

**cs01** · 05-10-2011, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by Schnakes

You have nailed exactly how Im feeling, even what you said about your back hurting from carrying him all the time. I actually sat down this morning and started looking for jobs, then I thought - this is ridiculous, I love my job - its just HIM!!! So I came on here!!

I cant help but think - if I give notice, in four weeks time he might have settled and then Ive lost a client!! And damaged my reputation by saying "I cant cope with your kid". Thats also thoughts in my head at the moment. Its driving me mad!!!

But yeah - Im on the brink of a nervous breakdown with this child!!

I had a screamer and did give notice and to this day think it was the best decision all round. It was affecting me, my family and my other mindees. Everyone around me was telling me I had lost my spark and I dreaded my job

. I didn't feel I could move, even from one side of the room to the other and felt guilty that I could not provide equal care to all my mindees.

I wouldn't worry about your reputation if you decide to give notice. I'd be more concerned about what people must be thinking with you having a continutally screaming child on your hands

My advice is to give this family notice. You will feel better about your decision in the long run.

**The Juggler** · 05-10-2011, 01:29 PM

8 weeks sounds like a long time hon. I would sit parents down and say you don't think he's settling. Tell them you think he might be happier in a different type of setting but that you will give it to the end of the notice period and if he's settled then you are happy to keep him if she wants him to stay.

You are not happy hon, don't put yourself through it - it's not good for him, you or the other mindees

**uf353432** · 05-10-2011, 07:07 PM

Things I have used in the past to settle a child are:

I've asked mum to sleep with a muslin or wear a pair of socks at night and let me have them to keep for the child to smell the following day. This combined with a picture of mum has allowed a child to connect with mum.

I've taken a picture of mum and the child and laminated it so child can have it to look at anytime they want to reconnect.

I've made special people books full of pictures of a childs special people to look at.

The gradual withdrawel approach is really useful.

Ensure that all the bases are covered - the child is not hungry, dirty, cold, wet, tired and also ask mum if child as underlying health problem - is the child poorly? in pain etc?

**Schnakes** · 07-10-2011, 02:59 PM

Hiya UF - the problem is not him missing his mum - when hes sat on my lap/hip hes as happy as larry...laughing and smiling....hes actually a really lovely little baby. Its the anxiety I want to get over. Ive been minding six years with an outstanding grading, NVQ3 etc....and this little chap is defeating me, the little monkey!!!!

Typically, he was an absolute angel yesterday (well...almost!!!)....but hes gone to spend three days at home with mum so no doubt we will be back to square one on Monday!!!

Thank you for all the tips/anecdotes etc...has given me food for thought.

x

**JCrakers** · 07-10-2011, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Schnakes

Hiya UF - the problem is not him missing his mum - when hes sat on my lap/hip hes as happy as larry...laughing and smiling....hes actually a really lovely little baby. Its the anxiety I want to get over. Ive been minding six years with an outstanding grading, NVQ3 etc....and this little chap is defeating me, the little monkey!!!!

Typically, he was an absolute angel yesterday (well...almost!!!)....but hes gone to spend three days at home with mum so no doubt we will be back to square one on Monday!!!

Thank you for all the tips/anecdotes etc...has given me food for thought.

x

Know how you feel. Ive been working with kids for 17yrs..NNEB and all. The 8m old I had just wouldnt stop. I tried everything everyone has suggested here. The point was she didnt want to be here..FACT and she was going to scream until she went home....lol
A very, very strong willed baby who has now turned into a lovely little girl who loves coming

**Chimps Childminding** · 07-10-2011, 09:08 PM

No advice, just to say I could have written that thread!!! I have one exactly the same, 10 months old, been with me since first week in August and absolutely fine as long as he is cuddled right in, not happy just being on my lap!!! Screams any time one of the other children come near him or me, if I leave the room, when I change him etc etc etc.

He too is here on my busiest days, tho thankfully only 2 days a week. I feel as though I am "neglecting" the other 2 little mindees I have on those days as they are so good I feel as though I just let them get on with things

Have thought about admitting defeat and giving notice, but how do you tell a parent you can't cope with their child because they are miserable??

**Schnakes** · 07-10-2011, 10:33 PM

Exactly Carolyn - I have to admit, I have given parents notice before..and been given notice and have sighed a great sigh of relief when they have done so. For some reason...I just dont want to give up on this one!!! Maybe because I see how lovely he is when he get what he wants!! Or maybe Im just a stubborn old donkey! Its one of the two!!!!

xx