Gender stereotpyes

[MaryMary]

I have been having a running battle with a mindee (6). If he watches TV (likes to chill & wind down after school) with adverts, he states at every advert 'thats for boys', 'thats for girls', 'thats for babies'. it is said in such a disgusted way if it is deemed for girls or babies I have explained, that any child can play with these toys if they wish, etc, etc. This has resulted in the TV being switched off, as he just does it all the time
I relayed this tale to DD2 (16). She had been at her best friend's house, also the DD of a CM. They had brought down her old wooden dolls house from the loft, and 2 mindees were playing with it (1 girl age 3, one boy age 5). Apparently the Cm said to the boy that he couldn't play with it because it's for girls!!

I think I am fighting a losing battle

[PixiePetal]

I have had some like that - I just carry on with the 'anyone can play with anything' phrase. Boy ages 4 almost shudders when I give him a pink plate to eat off, gives me a look but knows not to say anything now as I will just say 'you are not eating the plate!'

girl mindee aged 4 liked it when I said would she like the castle to play with, until I got it down and she saw it was a grey one with knights, not a pink cinderella one, her choice to play or not

mindee boy aged 2 1/2 - spent a whole afternoon last week wearing a hot pink, sequined Barbie dress - much to the disgust of the castle girl He loved it

[MaryMary]

Ha ha! The boy next door often used to drop his barbies & My little Pony in our garden as he was chatting over the fence, and would like to be the 'big sister' when playing 'mums & dads'. And my mindee was wearing the pink dress up fairy costume only last week (the same mindee, that is!)

I think I was most shocked at my CM friend telling her mindee that he couldn't play with the dolls house!! A CM should know better

[moogster1a]

I tell mindees they can all play with everything but it's a physiological fact that gender identification begins when they are babies. They need to be able to identify themselves as one sex or the other. It's the fundamental factor in self identity. personally, I think you're fighting a losing battle as boys and girls do have very different tastes and ways of playing.
For instance, if you give a girl a pushchair, she will put a doll in it, talk to the doll, and snuggle a blanket round it. Give the same toys to a boy, and he'll put the doll in, but use the pushchair as a vehicle and career around with it; possibly with the blanket over his shoulders as a suoerman cape.
There are biological and behavioural difference between the sexes, and i don't think that should be overly suppressed. Boys need to get their bodies prepared for the large amounts of ( let's face it, aggressive) testosterone which is headed their way and one one of doing this is by playing with "boy toys" girls , whether we like it or not, always have and alays will have a much more nurturing role in society.
That's the whole point of hormones! otherwise we'd have all wanted to be the nut gatherers years ago, with nobody volunteering to go and kill big scary animals to eat!

[kel1983]

One of my mums turned up to collect her little one the first week I had him and she took a Barbie off him and said "you can't play with dolls, there for girls"

If only she could see what else I was letting him play with. She would be shocked

[MaryMary]

I tell mindees they can all play with everything but it's a physiological fact that gender identification begins when they are babies. They need to be able to identify themselves as one sex or the other. It's the fundamental factor in self identity. personally, I think you're fighting a losing battle as boys and girls do have very different tastes and ways of playing.
For instance, if you give a girl a pushchair, she will put a doll in it, talk to the doll, and snuggle a blanket round it. Give the same toys to a boy, and he'll put the doll in, but use the pushchair as a vehicle and career around with it; possibly with the blanket over his shoulders as a suoerman cape.
There are biological and behavioural difference between the sexes, and i don't think that should be overly suppressed. Boys need to get their bodies prepared for the large amounts of ( let's face it, aggressive) testosterone which is headed their way and one one of doing this is by playing with "boy toys" girls , whether we like it or not, always have and alays will have a much more nurturing role in society.
That's the whole point of hormones! otherwise we'd have all wanted to be the nut gatherers years ago, with nobody volunteering to go and kill big scary animals to eat!

I completely agree with you. 'Boys will be boys'

But would you, as a CM, tell a boy there weren't allowed to play with a doll, for example?

[moogster1a]

No, wouldn't dream of telling someone they can't play with anything! i've just come across a lot of people who seem detemined to enforce what they see as gender equality rather than allowing natural expression.
My own little boy often dresses as a fairy princess, much to my husband's chagrin!

[Helen79]

I have been having a running battle with a mindee (6). If he watches TV (likes to chill & wind down after school) with adverts, he states at every advert 'thats for boys', 'thats for girls', 'thats for babies'. it is said in such a disgusted way if it is deemed for girls or babies I have explained, that any child can play with these toys if they wish, etc, etc. This has resulted in the TV being switched off, as he just does it all the time

My dd does exactly this, if ds (3) sees a toy he likes on an advert she says you can't have it it's for girls. We've always been very non gender specific with them and they both play with anything so not sure where she's picked it up from so it's not always a parent's influence.
ELC seems to be the worst shop for it, there's a blue side and a pink side, they even have pink globes with pink sea and land with pink butterflies on

[xgemx]

I wouldnt do that at all i think its so wrong to say you cant play with a certain toy because of your gender, i said to my son what treat would he like as he has started school this week full time he asked for a buggy as he is fed up carrying a dolly round he wants to be able to push her round haha

So as you can see in my house they have alsorts and are free to play with what they wish

[sweets]

i would never say to a child that they couldnt play with something because it was only for boys/girls.

but as someone said boys will be boys! and they all go through a phase of thinking girls are some sort of alien species.

i used to look after a boy who wouldnt even look at 'girlie' adverts and would turn away or close his eyes , we just laughed it off. he is now a teenager and has good mix of friends, boys and girls.

[Pipsqueak]

living in a household full of boys I will agree boys will be boys most definately.
that said, middle son is in touch with his feminine side and always has been - loves having his nails painted, his girlfriend plaits his ratstail and youngest (as most of you know) does ballet.

But in all that I have the boyest boys ever - they are champ quad racers, great footballers and have recently taken up boxing ..

We don't have 'for boys and for girls' in this house and I discourage any notions of that - mindees or my own.

[rosebud]

I bought a little boy I minded a pushchair for christmas when he was 2 because he loved the ones here so much - needless to say dad didn't approve but couldn't take it away, ha ha!

[littleelm]

I used to work in a cafe and was completely gobsmacked, jaw drop to ground, my face was probably a picture... when a Dad told his little lad he couldn't have a strawberry milkshake because it was pink and for girls!

IT'S A MILKSHAKE!!

Actually my cousin who's a primary school teacher is a nightmare with her two children... oldest is a VERY girly girl... won't wear anything that's not pink ... because they've always told her she's a princess and they've brought her every princess thing known to man.

Youngest is a boy... his hair was getting quite long when he was about a year old and she said she HAD to cut it because she didn't want people to think he was a girl... nevermind that he only wears very boring 'boy' clothes anyway! She was also less than impressed when he put on his sisters hairband with a big pink flower on it!

[WibbleWobble]

N is 2 and he has very long blonde hair (it is beautiful). he came in last week with his hair in a ponytail and wearing a very lovely pink flowery hat. He wore it all day, i loved it cos he loved it.

he told me he had his hair up like "uncle phul" (phil has very long -past his shoulder blades- hair) He idolises his "uncle phul".

he said he just liked the hat.


N is one cool dude

and so are his parents who have recognised his need to express himself

mandy xxx