Why won't parents let their children sleep?! Advice needed.

**pirateship** · 26-05-2011, 07:02 PM

A parent of a 2 year old that I mind has asked me this morning not to let her sleep when she's with me as she's not going to sleep until 9pm (I have her from 7.30am until 5.30 Thurs and Fri).

I asked her what I should do if she falls asleep on the 3pm school run as I knew by then she would be well over tired and she said just to wake her up.

I really don't agree with this! If a child falls asleep of their own accord they should be allowed to sleep as long they want! My partner says that that's easy for me to say as I'm not the one being kept up at night. He also says that my job is to do what the parent asks, but what about what's best for the child?

She's only just turned two and after we've been to a group in the morning and had lunch she's shattered! At 1.30pm today she even asked me to go to sleep and I had to say no. As I knew would happen she fell asleep as soon as she was in the pushchair for the school run. The run takes 50 mins in total (3 schools!) so by the time we got back she had slept for all that time. I did wake her then even though she slept through 5 very noisy mindees singing and shouting when we finally got in from the rain.

When I told Mum her face was a picture! I think she was shocked that I let her sleep and even said "what a naughty girl" to LO!

What are your thoughts? Is there anything I can say to her to make her see that cutting her daytime nap may not be such a good idea? Or should I just grin and bear it?

**Trouble** · 26-05-2011, 07:06 PM

I have the same problem going on, the child is so tired by 5.30 he is beyond hyper and spends most of the afternoon in tears

i hate waking him up and think its cruel it isnt even making a lot of difference at bedtimne but he just falls asleep now instead of them chasing him round the room to tire him out

**jane5** · 26-05-2011, 07:16 PM

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and a 2 year old needs a nap in the day.

I havent got any advice on how to convince the parents of this and there will be others who have gone through this but I would not be trying very hard to wake lo on the school run, and if lo fell asleep for an hour on the sofa I wouldn't mention it

(Bad childminder, bad childminder

)

**sarah707** · 26-05-2011, 07:07 PM

There was a recent case reported in Nursery World magazine where someone made a complaint against a nursery which was following parents wishes by keeping a child awake.

The nursery were told they were wrong and parents were wrong and that the child's human rights were not being upheld.

There are some arguments you can use with parents here -

http://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/news/b...eryWorldUpdate

And Google it for more info. Hth

**curlycathy** · 26-05-2011, 07:12 PM

How exactly are you supposed to keep a tired child awake anyway when they are in the buggy? You cant keep stopping and waking them up can you - you'd never get home! My children are impossible to wake if they are really tired - not even an earthquake woke them

Expecting a little one to go all day without a sleep is unrealistic and over tired children take longer to settle at night anyway.

Good luck with it - not easy is it?x

**Rubybubbles** · 26-05-2011, 07:16 PM

I have been having the same chat with one of my mums

I now only have lo 8-12:30 and she asked for advice as she can now see why I thought mid week he needed a sleep!

She called the Health Visitor who has told her he needs 1 hour after lunch, a good solid hour and it WILL improve how he goes to bed at night! LO been onn hols this week so interested to see how it has been

**breezy** · 26-05-2011, 07:17 PM

If a child needs to sleep they should be allowed to sleep, sleeping in the day, unless its very late on should actually help a little one settle at night because they wont be over tired.

**Rubybubbles** · 26-05-2011, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by sarah707

There was a recent case reported in Nursery World magazine where someone made a complaint against a nursery which was following parents wishes by keeping a child awake.

The nursery were told they were wrong and parents were wrong and that the child's human rights were not being upheld.

There are some arguments you can use with parents here -

http://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/news/b...eryWorldUpdate

And Google it for more info. Hth

thats a great link Sarah

**Mookins** · 26-05-2011, 07:27 PM

very good link that one sarah thanks...3 of my parents are so very different from each other two children same age 1 and half one mum says only half an hour max, the other mum says let him sleep when ever he wants!

the other mum child is nearly 3 she lets her sleep for 3 hours during the day

xxx

**boxtree7** · 26-05-2011, 08:14 PM

Sleep get my vote. I would let the children sleep ......... When they reach age 3 then I would follow parents wishes. The little girl I mind sleeps some days and some days not. If she wants to sleep around 3 oclock i text her mum first to let to her now as this is late in the afternoon. My son is 14 months and he loves his sleeps 12 hours in the evening and 2 x 21/2 hours in the day - hes a very active little man once hes up - he walked at 10 months - people always comment on how content he is. I had a mum once who requested that her son didn't sleep in the day it turned out this is becasue when he got picked up at 5 he would sleep for a couple of hours when she got in and dad would have to stay up with him in the eveing.

**Noomie** · 26-05-2011, 08:42 PM

I agree that children should be allowed to sleep but I can see a parent's point of view on this one. When you have been working all day and need to sort out lots of things, having a LO up at 10pm still is quite tough. I know that I can't get my LO to sleep before 10pm if she sleeps past 2pm. She is 2 but has been like this since about 16months of age. Yes she needs a sleep, but it either has to be shortened or earlier.

A compromise could be a sleep for 3/4 of or 1 hour after lunch.

**grindal** · 27-05-2011, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by Rubybubbles

thats a great link Sarah

Sorry totally off subject, but Rubybubbles my kids love your avatar!!

**alwaysright** · 26-05-2011, 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by sarah707

There was a recent case reported in Nursery World magazine where someone made a complaint against a nursery which was following parents wishes by keeping a child awake.

The nursery were told they were wrong and parents were wrong and that the child's human rights were not being upheld.

There are some arguments you can use with parents here -

http://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/news/b...eryWorldUpdate

And Google it for more info. Hth

you beat me to it sarah

i was just going to say that i have this printed off and in my file for when the parents ask me to keep their child awake.

**Ripeberry** · 26-05-2011, 11:09 PM

A nap of 40 mins is enough to give them a rest and still get them to sleep earlier for the parents. My 2yr old mindee gets very hyper when he is tired and will run around in circles and bounce off furniture he is 'drunk' with tiredness.

I find that if he gets that 40 mins, even if just driving in the car, then he does not do his 'mad spell'.

When he is at home his mum lets him sleep for 2-3hrs each afternoon, but he is so busy at mine that he won't sleep that long, but gets tired the next day.

**miffy** · 27-05-2011, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by sarah707

There was a recent case reported in Nursery World magazine where someone made a complaint against a nursery which was following parents wishes by keeping a child awake.

The nursery were told they were wrong and parents were wrong and that the child's human rights were not being upheld.

There are some arguments you can use with parents here -

http://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/news/b...eryWorldUpdate

And Google it for more info. Hth

Thanks for that Sarah!

I always say to parents it's better for the child to have a sleep after lunch than it is to have them fall asleep on the school run or over their tea!

I would never stop a small child sleeping, I think it's cruel - children don't go to sleep unless they need to!

Miffy xx

**JCrakers** · 27-05-2011, 09:12 AM

I would agree with all....she obviously needs a nap and the earlier the better. If she falls asleep later in the day then thats going to keep her up.
A little nap after lunch would make sense esp as she still so little.

My 2.4yr old has a nap every morning between 1-1.5hrs. If she didnt get it she would fall asleep on school run at 3-4 which is too late

Becky x

**AliceK** · 27-05-2011, 10:19 AM

Don't shoot me down here but if a parent is having trouble getting their child to sleep at night then the parent needs to be looking at that childs bedtime routine and rules about once the child has been put in bed. If a 2yr old needs a short sleep during the day then trying to stop that sleep will actually make the child less likely to sleep at night.

Both my children go to bed between 7 and 7.30, they often don't go to sleep straight away but they know the rules about being in bed and the fact that they might be playing quietly or reading etc for another 30 mins causes no problems for us. If a child is not wanting to go to bed and screaming and running about in and out of their bedrooms then the parenting skills need to be questioned in my opinion. Sorry, but I am very strict about bedtime with my children and they have always settled in their bedrooms at night without a fuss.
Sorry rant over

xx

**Noomie** · 27-05-2011, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by AliceK

Don't shoot me down here but if a parent is having trouble getting their child to sleep at night then the parent needs to be looking at that childs bedtime routine and rules about once the child has been put in bed. If a 2yr old needs a short sleep during the day then trying to stop that sleep will actually make the child less likely to sleep at night.

Both my children go to bed between 7 and 7.30, they often don't go to sleep straight away but they know the rules about being in bed and the fact that they might be playing quietly or reading etc for another 30 mins causes no problems for us. If a child is not wanting to go to bed and screaming and running about in and out of their bedrooms then the parenting skills need to be questioned in my opinion. Sorry, but I am very strict about bedtime with my children and they have always settled in their bedrooms at night without a fuss.
Sorry rant over

xx

I am not sure I agree with this. I have a very good bed time routine for my DD and am extremely strict with it and bed time, as with most things. However if she doesn't sleep earlier (ie 12-1.30) or for a shortened time if later (eg 40mins-1hr from 1pm onwards) then she is awake in bed for hours after bed time. The first 30mins-1hr of this is reading (yes reading at 2.3 months!), singing to herself, talking with her teddies, etc then after that she grizzles/moans/cries. I am very strict and am of the opinion that it would be folly to let her get up or to keep going in to her so we go in once or twice to settle her then just bear with it. There is no running around and in and out of bed. That is not tolerated. But mostly I just either do the above sleeping during the day or if it has been a long later sleep, I don't bother putting her in bed until at least 9pm. It is not fair on her to be lying awake in bed for hours.

**charlie potato** · 29-05-2011, 10:00 PM

Originally Posted by AliceK

Don't shoot me down here but if a parent is having trouble getting their child to sleep at night then the parent needs to be looking at that childs bedtime routine and rules about once the child has been put in bed. If a 2yr old needs a short sleep during the day then trying to stop that sleep will actually make the child less likely to sleep at night.

Both my children go to bed between 7 and 7.30, they often don't go to sleep straight away but they know the rules about being in bed and the fact that they might be playing quietly or reading etc for another 30 mins causes no problems for us. If a child is not wanting to go to bed and screaming and running about in and out of their bedrooms then the parenting skills need to be questioned in my opinion. Sorry, but I am very strict about bedtime with my children and they have always settled in their bedrooms at night without a fuss.
Sorry rant over

xx

I would have maybe agreed with this before i had children. My 10 yr old has never been much of a sleeper and has only ever tended to sleep 8 hrs. He has always kicked up at going to bed and been difficult. Always had a set routine but has always still been a battle until he has got older and goes and lays in bed til sleep naturally kicks in. It was quite often midnight before he'd sleep. My 8 yr old on the other hand has always been given the same routine and has always slept 12 hrs apart from when he was poorly for a while.
Every child is an individual and i so wish my 10yr old had gone to bed like a textbook child. Unfortunately nothing worked because he just doesnt need as much sleep and never has. Matchsticks it was for me because the 8 yr old was up by half six. xx

**Mum232008** · 28-05-2011, 07:36 AM

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Childrens...muchsleep.aspx

as a parent i hated it when my children didnt need that nap in the day it was my time to recharge my batteries as much as the childs, its funny how working mums seem to dictate 'rules' like these perhaps its their bedtime routine that should be questioned. grrrr

my sister blames the fact her child (who is 2) doesnt go to bed on my mum (childminder) letting her sleep but if i have popped over to see them it is 8pm and the child still has all toys out no bath and no signs of attempt for bed.

i found with my children they outgrowed them on their own usually cutting down on the amount of naps in a week rather than time ie usually by thursday and friday they needed that nap i would say to the parents that some days are busier than others and THE CHILD NEEDS A NAP suggest that you would see how the child was on the day and agree on busier days to have an earlier nap??

not sure whatelse to say its easier to for a mother to tell the childminder what they must and must not do but i wonder if they carry it through on their days off??